[There it is. There's Ryou being selfish, self-centered, not wanting to let Atem out of this just because they were both fighting, rubbing each other raw going in opposite directions. Ryou's reaction was more explosive, pushed to the absolute limit...but as a result of how he's reaction, he doesn't know how Atem's feeling.
And right now...he's too distracted to realize how deep it goes. All he can see is the shallow surface of what his words had done, and how very, very carefully Atem is handling him. Atem has given him an out to leave, because they're...they're fighting?!
More than anything, that makes Ryou's hands fall back onto the counter, and he stares down, blinking a few times to try and clear his head. All it does is occlude his vision though, because for how dried up he is, he's still got tears to shed, evidently. He's...a bad person, isn't he? He's terrible.
Atem had tried to fix him. Atem had tried to help him. And Ryou had spat in his face. He can't fix it now. He may not be able to fix it ever, especially not with the frustration still buzzing in the back of his mind...
So he says that very selfish thing, straightens up a little, looks at the bat creature smartly handling him with kid gloves and hating that he had to be treated that way. But Ryou can't resolve that right now. He doesn't have time to unpack all of it. Also if he keeps complicating this situation he's going to throw up two bottles of water on the counter. Both because he's already been nauseated since before he got here, and because...the thought that him and Atem were arguing for...probably the first time since they'd gotten close? That's sickening. He doesn't want that for them!
Atem's being too understanding. It's aggravating because Ryou's not sure whether it's affection, or a calculated move. Maybe it was both...but with Atem, sometimes he couldn't tell what was pushing his actions more, and that sometimes bothered him because he wanted to think that it was affection!
He can't be sure though. It's like a worm in the back of his mind, chewing, biting, hurting...]
If you think I should go to the clinic, then I will. That's the smart move, right? I'll...I'll do it soon.
["The smart move." Why does he sound so despondent saying that?
He wants to say something else but...he's not really sure what else to say. He just offloaded his entire situation onto Atem in a way that was hurtful. He doesn't deserve to be rewarded for bad behavior. Admitting he didn't want to be alone was enough...asking for comfort? Very much out of order. So he breaks eye contact and looks down again. Because he doesn't deserve better right now.
Way to thank someone for their efforts, Ryou. Fuck, what a nightmare...]
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[There it is. There's Ryou being selfish, self-centered, not wanting to let Atem out of this just because they were both fighting, rubbing each other raw going in opposite directions. Ryou's reaction was more explosive, pushed to the absolute limit...but as a result of how he's reaction, he doesn't know how Atem's feeling.
And right now...he's too distracted to realize how deep it goes. All he can see is the shallow surface of what his words had done, and how very, very carefully Atem is handling him. Atem has given him an out to leave, because they're...they're fighting?!
More than anything, that makes Ryou's hands fall back onto the counter, and he stares down, blinking a few times to try and clear his head. All it does is occlude his vision though, because for how dried up he is, he's still got tears to shed, evidently. He's...a bad person, isn't he? He's terrible.
Atem had tried to fix him. Atem had tried to help him. And Ryou had spat in his face. He can't fix it now. He may not be able to fix it ever, especially not with the frustration still buzzing in the back of his mind...
So he says that very selfish thing, straightens up a little, looks at the bat creature smartly handling him with kid gloves and hating that he had to be treated that way. But Ryou can't resolve that right now. He doesn't have time to unpack all of it. Also if he keeps complicating this situation he's going to throw up two bottles of water on the counter. Both because he's already been nauseated since before he got here, and because...the thought that him and Atem were arguing for...probably the first time since they'd gotten close? That's sickening. He doesn't want that for them!
Atem's being too understanding. It's aggravating because Ryou's not sure whether it's affection, or a calculated move. Maybe it was both...but with Atem, sometimes he couldn't tell what was pushing his actions more, and that sometimes bothered him because he wanted to think that it was affection!
He can't be sure though. It's like a worm in the back of his mind, chewing, biting, hurting...]
If you think I should go to the clinic, then I will. That's the smart move, right? I'll...I'll do it soon.
["The smart move." Why does he sound so despondent saying that?
He wants to say something else but...he's not really sure what else to say. He just offloaded his entire situation onto Atem in a way that was hurtful. He doesn't deserve to be rewarded for bad behavior. Admitting he didn't want to be alone was enough...asking for comfort? Very much out of order. So he breaks eye contact and looks down again. Because he doesn't deserve better right now.
Way to thank someone for their efforts, Ryou. Fuck, what a nightmare...]