[Ryou glances down...then away. His stomach doesn't just hurt now, it's twisting itself in knots, and maybe some of that's because of the hunger, but a part of it is that now, his time with Atem is being dedicated to the one thing he doesn't want it dedicated to.
Their fight was hard on him. It was probably hard on Atem too. It was a flashbang of superheated emotions that had caused pain, and then they'd reconciled a bit over it, let it drop away, and moved on. That's what he thought. So he kept everything sharp and painful buried inside and every time his brain tried to sort it out he cut himself on the edges. The fight was a beveled point, one that discomforted him but could be avoided.
The razor-sharp, barbed spears that tore him from the inside out were all concerning last month: old memories, his death, and then the healing that had hurt and terrified him...all of that was terrible and hard to deal with.]
I'll be okay.
[That's not an answer. Ryou knows it isn't, but how does he tell Atem that his mind is so congested with upsetting thoughts that even when he throws himself into building the board, cleaning the house, entertaining and caring for Tybolt...he can't find the time to allow himself to eat?
...It hadn't been on purpose at first.
When the first hunger pang reminded him that it'd been over half a day since his last meal, Ryou had been surprised, and gone to the fridge for something simple. There was a half-crepe he'd bought before the mid-month fog, the fruit soft and overripe, since he'd been gone so long. So he'd thrown it out and looked in the cabinets...and decided he didn't want anything. He wasn't in the mood to cook, or even open a can of something premade.]
It's better, right? We don't need to have all these extra groceries.
[They didn't have that many, though. The only groceries they had were the ones he'd bought as a child, because Ryou hadn't gone shopping since he'd come back. The only baking he'd done was for Mukuro, and it had been hard because he wanted to make a cupcake for himself, to eat something and solve the problem he was making for himself.
But he couldn't bring himself to. So he slept it off instead.]
I just need a break, that's all. And you've been bringing humans for me to consume anyway. Don't worry! I know it was jarring, I didn't expect this to last for so long, or interrupt what we were doing.
[When he says that, he turns back to Atem, and he's smiling, awkwardly. Placatingly, but with its own sort of surface honesty. Ryou doesn't want to hurt Atem's feelings, but he's also fighting with the fact that he's not eating for a stupid, personal reason that he doesn't want to bring up, because it's deeply personal and not important to anyone.]
aw shit you're right. cw disordered eating...plus depression
Their fight was hard on him. It was probably hard on Atem too. It was a flashbang of superheated emotions that had caused pain, and then they'd reconciled a bit over it, let it drop away, and moved on. That's what he thought. So he kept everything sharp and painful buried inside and every time his brain tried to sort it out he cut himself on the edges. The fight was a beveled point, one that discomforted him but could be avoided.
The razor-sharp, barbed spears that tore him from the inside out were all concerning last month: old memories, his death, and then the healing that had hurt and terrified him...all of that was terrible and hard to deal with.]
I'll be okay.
[That's not an answer. Ryou knows it isn't, but how does he tell Atem that his mind is so congested with upsetting thoughts that even when he throws himself into building the board, cleaning the house, entertaining and caring for Tybolt...he can't find the time to allow himself to eat?
...It hadn't been on purpose at first.
When the first hunger pang reminded him that it'd been over half a day since his last meal, Ryou had been surprised, and gone to the fridge for something simple. There was a half-crepe he'd bought before the mid-month fog, the fruit soft and overripe, since he'd been gone so long. So he'd thrown it out and looked in the cabinets...and decided he didn't want anything. He wasn't in the mood to cook, or even open a can of something premade.]
It's better, right? We don't need to have all these extra groceries.
[They didn't have that many, though. The only groceries they had were the ones he'd bought as a child, because Ryou hadn't gone shopping since he'd come back. The only baking he'd done was for Mukuro, and it had been hard because he wanted to make a cupcake for himself, to eat something and solve the problem he was making for himself.
But he couldn't bring himself to. So he slept it off instead.]
I just need a break, that's all. And you've been bringing humans for me to consume anyway. Don't worry! I know it was jarring, I didn't expect this to last for so long, or interrupt what we were doing.
[When he says that, he turns back to Atem, and he's smiling, awkwardly. Placatingly, but with its own sort of surface honesty. Ryou doesn't want to hurt Atem's feelings, but he's also fighting with the fact that he's not eating for a stupid, personal reason that he doesn't want to bring up, because it's deeply personal and not important to anyone.]