[Ryou backs away. His left hand grasps at the opposite forearm, at the scars that AM had left him with. He can feel them, he can feel the ones on his feet, his leg, and it shouldn't hurt, but it does.
AM made him suffer. Atem just wanted to pay it back. Ryou had done this. Ryou had let him, by giving Atem a choice for how to act on the matter, hadn't he? He's complicit...
But the way his ears are slicked back, the way his hackles are raised and his tail is tucked firmly between his legs...it's every bad tell in the book and he can't stop them, he can't make his body stop reacting anymore than he could turn the phantom pain off, the agony of his burns, the reminder that AM had liked it, hadn't he? He'd struck first, when Ryou had been immobilized--
No. No!]
NO! Do you think I wanted you to be hurt in turn?! My pain is over! [It's not.] He could have hurt you, he could have...he could have done worse things to you than what I'm sure he already did, Atem. He could have...
[Ryou looks down. He can't finish that sentence because then he'd be lying to himself. If Atem thought he could do it but couldn't, if he came back unscathed the first day of the fog, smelling of the sea...then Ryou's just lying to himself.]
...Do you suppose I wanted you to walk into your death on my account?
[He says it so quietly, so fearfully. He can't look Atem in the eye, he's still grasping at his own arm, looking terrified at this reality. The one where he knows Atem died and came back, but he's not talking about it or taking it as seriously as Ryou is.
Ryou will never understand how Atem couldn't be terrified of dying. Of suffering like that. He'd had his own head bitten off and now he had nightmares over it, on bad nights where even knowing he had friends here, and someone he loved dearly, could not erase that fear or pain.]
I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry I don't want to sound ungrateful Atem...b-but I was scared all night that something bad happened, and it did...and I couldn't do anything about it...
cw; burns, death, bit of ptsd
AM made him suffer. Atem just wanted to pay it back. Ryou had done this. Ryou had let him, by giving Atem a choice for how to act on the matter, hadn't he? He's complicit...
But the way his ears are slicked back, the way his hackles are raised and his tail is tucked firmly between his legs...it's every bad tell in the book and he can't stop them, he can't make his body stop reacting anymore than he could turn the phantom pain off, the agony of his burns, the reminder that AM had liked it, hadn't he? He'd struck first, when Ryou had been immobilized--
No. No!]
NO! Do you think I wanted you to be hurt in turn?! My pain is over! [It's not.] He could have hurt you, he could have...he could have done worse things to you than what I'm sure he already did, Atem. He could have...
[Ryou looks down. He can't finish that sentence because then he'd be lying to himself. If Atem thought he could do it but couldn't, if he came back unscathed the first day of the fog, smelling of the sea...then Ryou's just lying to himself.]
...Do you suppose I wanted you to walk into your death on my account?
[He says it so quietly, so fearfully. He can't look Atem in the eye, he's still grasping at his own arm, looking terrified at this reality. The one where he knows Atem died and came back, but he's not talking about it or taking it as seriously as Ryou is.
Ryou will never understand how Atem couldn't be terrified of dying. Of suffering like that. He'd had his own head bitten off and now he had nightmares over it, on bad nights where even knowing he had friends here, and someone he loved dearly, could not erase that fear or pain.]
I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry I don't want to sound ungrateful Atem...b-but I was scared all night that something bad happened, and it did...and I couldn't do anything about it...