[No -- he doesn't want Ryou to pull back from him like this, to pull away with his ears down and his tail tucked. It breaks Atem's heart to see it. A hand reaches out, though Ryou can't see it; the wings at Atem's ears press tightly to the sides of his head. His lion tail's tip twitches in agitation, uncertainty -- in wanting to approach, but also thinking he shouldn't.]
I know you didn't want me to get hurt. Of course I do! I'm really sorry to have worried you -- I know it must have been frightening. I should have stopped to tell you that I might be gone until the next day. I'm sorry, that I didn't.
[But he'd been so sure he could do it, and so, so angry...]
It's true. I took a death. But it was quick. Over in a moment. It was my own choice -- when it was certain that he'd caught me, and I couldn't fight my way out...I know what he's capable of, and I wasn't going to let it happen.
But...
I also wasn't going to let him hurt my friends and get away with it. The monsters here...they should know that any pain they inflict on the people I love will be v̶̫̈i̷͍̕s̶̫͒ǐ̶̲t̸̮̚e̷̮̿d̶̩̈́ ̴̰̚ư̷̩p̸̖̄o̶͚̕ṉ̶͋ ̶̣̐t̵͍̑ḩ̸͑e̴̺͠m̸̦͂ i̷̧͕͋̍ṅ̶͓͂ ̷̲̩̕ĕ̵̟̻͋q̸͕̹̾̓u̵̠̿̾a̷̫͑͜l̶̞̀ ̵̹͎̈̅ṁ̸̰̮̕ë̴̻͖́̀a̷͙͆s̵͚̆u̴̻̓r̴̨͕̅e̴̟̺̕.
[His voice doesn't get any louder, but. Uh. Hey Atem, are you okay, that's a weird way to talk, you don't talk like that. He doesn't seem to notice the shift in tone, the sudden and terrible clarity of his voice, or the flare of the sun in his hair and flash of the eye on his head. He just goes on, like nothing happened.]
They should know that before they hurt you...so that they'll think twice. To do that, I have to punish the ones who did. So that, next time, it won't happen.
[This is his logic. He is going to be the deterrent -- to reduce the pain his friends and loved ones have to feel.
And, to be that, he has to fight monsters. That's how it works, Ryou!! He can't be a terrifying force of justice if no one knows what he can do!! This is helping, this is protecting, this is setting him up to save everyone he loves from the kind of pain Ryou is feeling right now!]
no subject
Ryou.
[No -- he doesn't want Ryou to pull back from him like this, to pull away with his ears down and his tail tucked. It breaks Atem's heart to see it. A hand reaches out, though Ryou can't see it; the wings at Atem's ears press tightly to the sides of his head. His lion tail's tip twitches in agitation, uncertainty -- in wanting to approach, but also thinking he shouldn't.]
I know you didn't want me to get hurt. Of course I do! I'm really sorry to have worried you -- I know it must have been frightening. I should have stopped to tell you that I might be gone until the next day. I'm sorry, that I didn't.
[But he'd been so sure he could do it, and so, so angry...]
It's true. I took a death. But it was quick. Over in a moment. It was my own choice -- when it was certain that he'd caught me, and I couldn't fight my way out...I know what he's capable of, and I wasn't going to let it happen.
But...
I also wasn't going to let him hurt my friends and get away with it. The monsters here...they should know that any pain they inflict on the people I love will be v̶̫̈i̷͍̕s̶̫͒ǐ̶̲t̸̮̚e̷̮̿d̶̩̈́ ̴̰̚ư̷̩p̸̖̄o̶͚̕ṉ̶͋ ̶̣̐t̵͍̑ḩ̸͑e̴̺͠m̸̦͂ i̷̧͕͋̍ṅ̶͓͂ ̷̲̩̕ĕ̵̟̻͋q̸͕̹̾̓u̵̠̿̾a̷̫͑͜l̶̞̀ ̵̹͎̈̅ṁ̸̰̮̕ë̴̻͖́̀a̷͙͆s̵͚̆u̴̻̓r̴̨͕̅e̴̟̺̕.
[His voice doesn't get any louder, but. Uh. Hey Atem, are you okay, that's a weird way to talk, you don't talk like that. He doesn't seem to notice the shift in tone, the sudden and terrible clarity of his voice, or the flare of the sun in his hair and flash of the eye on his head. He just goes on, like nothing happened.]
They should know that before they hurt you...so that they'll think twice. To do that, I have to punish the ones who did. So that, next time, it won't happen.
[This is his logic. He is going to be the deterrent -- to reduce the pain his friends and loved ones have to feel.
And, to be that, he has to fight monsters. That's how it works, Ryou!! He can't be a terrifying force of justice if no one knows what he can do!! This is helping, this is protecting, this is setting him up to save everyone he loves from the kind of pain Ryou is feeling right now!]