[He's not sure how he feels, what with his past being so plainly brought up. That much shows in his body language, still, when Ryou mentions Hope's Peak—as if those words were brushing up against a gnarly scar, and he was recoiling with the anticipated pain of a wound. His frame gets no less tense, his fur no less bristled, and his head turns away then too, off towards the middling distance. The sentiment is nice, sure... But the last thing he wants to be reminded of right now is a past he's only just recently, tragically, relived.
So he tries to move on as smoothly as possible, tries not to bring that emotional baggage with him, when he presses his lips together and formulates his next words despite the discomfort he shows.]
I... appreciate this opportunity. I don't want either of you to think that I don't. But I'm still apprehensive about all of this. It's easy to talk about things theoretically, but... It's completely different to put it into experience. I've already been in situation where my partner was dating someone other than me, as well as dating others myself. But neither of you have been in that situation.
[His hand thoughtlessly picks at the hem of his shirt, his head somewhat bowed as he talks, though not in any show of submissiveness. There's a pensiveness to him instead, perhaps somewhat forced, as he pauses for a good amount of time to sort logical thought from kneejerked feeling.]
I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit resentful of how things have gone between the three of us... How I felt when I found out you two were together, after I had made my feelings so clear to Atem-kun, and being told that I had to simply settle for being friends... To now, where Ryou-kun talked to me about this sort of thing while Atem-kun was asleep, and I was forced to just... Come to terms with the fact that I don't know what to do with those feelings anymore.
Being suspicious of Ryou-kun, and mistrustful of this situation going smoothly isn't something that will go away easily. And obviously, those feelings of mistrust are somewhat mutual, because of everything that's been said just now. It's definitely a risk, and the last thing I want is to lose the positive change we've managed to make since my return.
[It's hard to wrangle the desire to be more and the fear that if it goes bad, all is lost completely. How easily could it all fall apart, if Ryou were to say he changes his mind? How would that change the way Komaeda interacts with him thereafter...? Would Atem come to hate him, eventually, if that resentment were allowed to fully bloom?
It's always easier to pull away before a risk can destroy it all.]
...Obviously, I want to be with you too, Atem-kun. But this sort of thing requires more than just wants... It requires a sort of... contract. One that I can't even really fully commit to until... I...
[Suddenly, he's gnawing his lip. Trying to keep his heart from racing, as if it were something even possible. It takes him a bit to push the words from his throat, the emotion held within them tightly contained.]
If Hinata-kun and Lila wake up... I need to talk to them, first.
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So he tries to move on as smoothly as possible, tries not to bring that emotional baggage with him, when he presses his lips together and formulates his next words despite the discomfort he shows.]
I... appreciate this opportunity. I don't want either of you to think that I don't. But I'm still apprehensive about all of this. It's easy to talk about things theoretically, but... It's completely different to put it into experience. I've already been in situation where my partner was dating someone other than me, as well as dating others myself. But neither of you have been in that situation.
[His hand thoughtlessly picks at the hem of his shirt, his head somewhat bowed as he talks, though not in any show of submissiveness. There's a pensiveness to him instead, perhaps somewhat forced, as he pauses for a good amount of time to sort logical thought from kneejerked feeling.]
I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit resentful of how things have gone between the three of us... How I felt when I found out you two were together, after I had made my feelings so clear to Atem-kun, and being told that I had to simply settle for being friends... To now, where Ryou-kun talked to me about this sort of thing while Atem-kun was asleep, and I was forced to just... Come to terms with the fact that I don't know what to do with those feelings anymore.
Being suspicious of Ryou-kun, and mistrustful of this situation going smoothly isn't something that will go away easily. And obviously, those feelings of mistrust are somewhat mutual, because of everything that's been said just now. It's definitely a risk, and the last thing I want is to lose the positive change we've managed to make since my return.
[It's hard to wrangle the desire to be more and the fear that if it goes bad, all is lost completely. How easily could it all fall apart, if Ryou were to say he changes his mind? How would that change the way Komaeda interacts with him thereafter...? Would Atem come to hate him, eventually, if that resentment were allowed to fully bloom?
It's always easier to pull away before a risk can destroy it all.]
...Obviously, I want to be with you too, Atem-kun. But this sort of thing requires more than just wants... It requires a sort of... contract. One that I can't even really fully commit to until... I...
[Suddenly, he's gnawing his lip. Trying to keep his heart from racing, as if it were something even possible. It takes him a bit to push the words from his throat, the emotion held within them tightly contained.]
If Hinata-kun and Lila wake up... I need to talk to them, first.