[There is something instinctual about how, whenever the prospect of something good is set before him, Komaeda assumes the worst is around the corner. If his desire is too great, too passionate, then destiny will stand in his way. Even if he's lucky enough to be with Atem in the end, there will always be that fear that chaos will befall them all—just as he lives with that fear, indulging in his love for Hinata and Lila.
So, it's frustrating. It's so, incredibly frustrating that in the midst of this rain, and this noise, and all the other things that are irritating Komaeda, he has to deal with this. And it's not the fact that this conversation is happening in the first place. No, he's frustrated that there's some sort of disconnect. He says one thing and it's as if both Ryou and Atem are hearing something else. Surely he needs to talk to his other halves, but he explicitly mentioned discussing what Atem and Ryou want out of this arrangement.
He has to wonder—is he not explaining himself properly? What words does he have to choose for his point to come across clearly? He wishes he knew, wishes any of this verbal dissection of feelings was anything like analyzing a situation from the outside—but unfortunately, he's stuck smack dab in the middle of it, where it's the worst vantage point for solving a problem.]
Jeez... I wish you guys would stop focusing on one part of what I'm saying, and would listen to the whole thing.
[First things first, Komaeda points a stiff and accusatory finger at Ryou.]
Atem-kun's happiness this... My happiness that... What about your happiness? Stop being such a doormat and letting your feelings fall to the wayside. I said it before, right? Are you content to just be a bystander to your own life? Or will you participate in a discussion that includes all of us?
[Then his attention turns, sharply, to Atem. Even beneath the shaggy fringe of his mane, his gaze could bore holes through the other.]
And If you want answers to how I'm feeling, just ask! I already promised I would answer whatever questions you had, and would listen to you properly... Sure, I'm not the most happy about how this is happening, and there's many other things on my mind... But even I realize this won't go anywhere, any of us want, if I don't face my discomfort.
[A discomfort, which, has quickly taken a backseat to the frustration he has for dealing with two people too cautious to rip the band-aid off. He knows his own apprehension is only partly because of not being able to talk to Lila or Hinata for months, now. He knows that the other part is completely because of his own mistrust of Ryou. Even still, he won't ever get over his bodily fear by always giving into it.]
no subject
So, it's frustrating. It's so, incredibly frustrating that in the midst of this rain, and this noise, and all the other things that are irritating Komaeda, he has to deal with this. And it's not the fact that this conversation is happening in the first place. No, he's frustrated that there's some sort of disconnect. He says one thing and it's as if both Ryou and Atem are hearing something else. Surely he needs to talk to his other halves, but he explicitly mentioned discussing what Atem and Ryou want out of this arrangement.
He has to wonder—is he not explaining himself properly? What words does he have to choose for his point to come across clearly? He wishes he knew, wishes any of this verbal dissection of feelings was anything like analyzing a situation from the outside—but unfortunately, he's stuck smack dab in the middle of it, where it's the worst vantage point for solving a problem.]
Jeez... I wish you guys would stop focusing on one part of what I'm saying, and would listen to the whole thing.
[First things first, Komaeda points a stiff and accusatory finger at Ryou.]
Atem-kun's happiness this... My happiness that... What about your happiness? Stop being such a doormat and letting your feelings fall to the wayside. I said it before, right? Are you content to just be a bystander to your own life? Or will you participate in a discussion that includes all of us?
[Then his attention turns, sharply, to Atem. Even beneath the shaggy fringe of his mane, his gaze could bore holes through the other.]
And If you want answers to how I'm feeling, just ask! I already promised I would answer whatever questions you had, and would listen to you properly... Sure, I'm not the most happy about how this is happening, and there's many other things on my mind... But even I realize this won't go anywhere, any of us want, if I don't face my discomfort.
[A discomfort, which, has quickly taken a backseat to the frustration he has for dealing with two people too cautious to rip the band-aid off. He knows his own apprehension is only partly because of not being able to talk to Lila or Hinata for months, now. He knows that the other part is completely because of his own mistrust of Ryou. Even still, he won't ever get over his bodily fear by always giving into it.]