[The anger from Ryou isn't what Komaeda expects, but it's not wholly unwelcome. It's finally something that isn't that nice act, as if deep down, he'd been seeking some sort of "gotcha" moment to really see Ryou's true colors and... And...
It's not satisfying, the way he wants it to be. The anger, the vitriol, the hate—it's not the level he's subconsciously seeking and it's not until Atem is raising his voice too that Komaeda's pulled from that line of thought and forced into a mental chair, sat at some interrogation table, wondering just what is it he wants. He'd thought he'd been clear, but he hasn't. He thought he would be ready to have this conversation, but he isn't, for some reason.
And why is that? It's difficult to sift through the miasma of feeling filling the space between his ribs. It visibly pauses him, when Atem asks why he's so mad about it. What is he so mad about? Komaeda turns away, hangs his head. Avoids them both when they turn that intensity against him.]
I don't get it. Okay? This situation, it's strange! We've existed in this weird... middle ground, the three of us, for years! To change it so suddenly, I... I just don't understand what Ryou-kun gets out of this.
[And he raises his hand, holding back any words that might be said before he can finish his thought.]
I know he says it's for your happiness, Atem-kun, but... [He finally turns and looks at Ryou,] I can't reason through it. There's selfishness in every thing, truly... And to be with Atem-kun would mean a change to our relationship that...
[He bites his cheek, feels his heart pounding in his throat and doesn't even spare a thought for the fact that Atem can no doubt hear it. Rather, it takes him a moment to swallow down the immediate panic of exposure, for the sake of not coming all the way here to make things worse based on misunderstanding.]
...What if you come to hate me, and want Atem-kun and I to break up? I would hate that. And I would hate you for it. That sort of outcome... It's terrifying, alright? So forgive me for getting angry that you just keep saying such selfless things!
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It's not satisfying, the way he wants it to be. The anger, the vitriol, the hate—it's not the level he's subconsciously seeking and it's not until Atem is raising his voice too that Komaeda's pulled from that line of thought and forced into a mental chair, sat at some interrogation table, wondering just what is it he wants. He'd thought he'd been clear, but he hasn't. He thought he would be ready to have this conversation, but he isn't, for some reason.
And why is that? It's difficult to sift through the miasma of feeling filling the space between his ribs. It visibly pauses him, when Atem asks why he's so mad about it. What is he so mad about? Komaeda turns away, hangs his head. Avoids them both when they turn that intensity against him.]
I don't get it. Okay? This situation, it's strange! We've existed in this weird... middle ground, the three of us, for years! To change it so suddenly, I... I just don't understand what Ryou-kun gets out of this.
[And he raises his hand, holding back any words that might be said before he can finish his thought.]
I know he says it's for your happiness, Atem-kun, but... [He finally turns and looks at Ryou,] I can't reason through it. There's selfishness in every thing, truly... And to be with Atem-kun would mean a change to our relationship that...
[He bites his cheek, feels his heart pounding in his throat and doesn't even spare a thought for the fact that Atem can no doubt hear it. Rather, it takes him a moment to swallow down the immediate panic of exposure, for the sake of not coming all the way here to make things worse based on misunderstanding.]
...What if you come to hate me, and want Atem-kun and I to break up? I would hate that. And I would hate you for it. That sort of outcome... It's terrifying, alright? So forgive me for getting angry that you just keep saying such selfless things!