[The apartment's been lonely for a week and a half. Atem's not been alone in it, technically, but he's still been lonely. What he says next isn't how he wanted to act, when Ryou was back. The too-still space between his lungs hurts as he raises his voice to match Ryou's volume, his wings flaring.]
When the attempt to get the parasite out of me destroyed my body, I revived in the ocean! Off of Vandare! Would that have been better?!
[Alone. Waterlogged. Miles and miles from home. Starved, body dried out and stiff and unfamiliar, with no one around to help, knowing he was down a life and it was his own fault for not being sharp enough to spot where the danger would come from...
Or, worse, still underwater, opening your eyes to murk and dark, lungs full of city-water and filth, crawling out of a canal while your body tells you you should be drowning, until you cough it all out on the pavement of an unfamiliar street.
Pain and fear, inescapable, unstoppable, like the words that come out like runoff out of his lungs.]
Do you want to talk about what to do with our bodies if we die, Ryou? Because I'll respect your wishes, but you have to tell me first!
You didn't, so I picked what I thought would hurt least based on what I knew, and I got it wrong!
[There it is. He admits it; even through the vampire arrogance, the kind that makes you sure your decisions are right, he's admitting it.]
I'm sorry that my guess was wrong!
[A moment. Then, quieter, with a little more clarity, more of a sense of self:]
And that it hurt you.
I never meant to.
[Ryou was going to have to figure out sooner or later that Atem isn't perfect. That, in a game like this, a perfect score every time is beyond his capabilities. Atem wants to be better than he is. Thing is, his honest best isn't good enough, not for the people who are relying on him -- Ryou, and Yugi. But this is the reality of the situation, and if Ryou's put him on a pedestal, then all Atem can hope for is that the fall isn't far enough that he breaks.
cw drowning imagery/memory!
When the attempt to get the parasite out of me destroyed my body, I revived in the ocean! Off of Vandare! Would that have been better?!
[Alone. Waterlogged. Miles and miles from home. Starved, body dried out and stiff and unfamiliar, with no one around to help, knowing he was down a life and it was his own fault for not being sharp enough to spot where the danger would come from...
Or, worse, still underwater, opening your eyes to murk and dark, lungs full of city-water and filth, crawling out of a canal while your body tells you you should be drowning, until you cough it all out on the pavement of an unfamiliar street.
Pain and fear, inescapable, unstoppable, like the words that come out like runoff out of his lungs.]
Do you want to talk about what to do with our bodies if we die, Ryou? Because I'll respect your wishes, but you have to tell me first!
You didn't, so I picked what I thought would hurt least based on what I knew, and I got it wrong!
[There it is. He admits it; even through the vampire arrogance, the kind that makes you sure your decisions are right, he's admitting it.]
I'm sorry that my guess was wrong!
[A moment. Then, quieter, with a little more clarity, more of a sense of self:]
And that it hurt you.
I never meant to.
[Ryou was going to have to figure out sooner or later that Atem isn't perfect. That, in a game like this, a perfect score every time is beyond his capabilities. Atem wants to be better than he is. Thing is, his honest best isn't good enough, not for the people who are relying on him -- Ryou, and Yugi. But this is the reality of the situation, and if Ryou's put him on a pedestal, then all Atem can hope for is that the fall isn't far enough that he breaks.
And that his dishonest best will work better.]