softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

[The apartment's been lonely for a week and a half. Atem's not been alone in it, technically, but he's still been lonely. What he says next isn't how he wanted to act, when Ryou was back. The too-still space between his lungs hurts as he raises his voice to match Ryou's volume, his wings flaring.]

When the attempt to get the parasite out of me destroyed my body, I revived in the ocean! Off of Vandare! Would that have been better?!

[Alone. Waterlogged. Miles and miles from home. Starved, body dried out and stiff and unfamiliar, with no one around to help, knowing he was down a life and it was his own fault for not being sharp enough to spot where the danger would come from...

Or, worse, still underwater, opening your eyes to murk and dark, lungs full of city-water and filth, crawling out of a canal while your body tells you you should be drowning, until you cough it all out on the pavement of an unfamiliar street.

Pain and fear, inescapable, unstoppable, like the words that come out like runoff out of his lungs.]

Do you want to talk about what to do with our bodies if we die, Ryou? Because I'll respect your wishes, but you have to tell me first!

You didn't, so I picked what I thought would hurt least based on what I knew, and I got it wrong!

[There it is. He admits it; even through the vampire arrogance, the kind that makes you sure your decisions are right, he's admitting it.]

I'm sorry that my guess was wrong!

[A moment. Then, quieter, with a little more clarity, more of a sense of self:]

And that it hurt you.

I never meant to.

[Ryou was going to have to figure out sooner or later that Atem isn't perfect. That, in a game like this, a perfect score every time is beyond his capabilities. Atem wants to be better than he is. Thing is, his honest best isn't good enough, not for the people who are relying on him -- Ryou, and Yugi. But this is the reality of the situation, and if Ryou's put him on a pedestal, then all Atem can hope for is that the fall isn't far enough that he breaks.

And that his dishonest best will work better.]

I...I...

[Ryou shakes his head, which in turn makes him dizzy. Stupid, stupid idiot! He leans on the kitchen counter, and he's still glaring but it's not as intense or angry. Atem's responding with the same volume, and he has no right to! It wasn't like Atem had to come back from this and deal with such a shitty feeling body.]

I don't want to talk about what we should do with our bodies, I don't want to think about that! I DIDN'T W-WANT TO DIE!! I was so frightened, don't you get it? When the thing bit my head off, I f-f...felt it. I couldn't breathe, and then I c-couldn't feel anything but the weight of something crushing me up and it was warm and disgusting and stunk of death.

[He knows he's going off topic now, drifting pathetically in the sea of his own despair. So he tries desperately to bring it back, to pull this conversation to the point and not lose himself in the fear that still felt so terribly close.]

And then! I revived, and I had to feel my own skull without muscles, my own neck without skin! I had to...f-feel things but not know what they were, and I was terrified because I didn't know where I was anyway! Being here didn't even help, because I couldn't see or hear, and I got dried out for nothing...!!

[He doubles up over the counter, hands over his head because there's something coming in through his anger, something that makes his heart feel like it's being crushed, his insides twisting themselves in knots.

This is your first death Ryou Bakura.

Ask Atem how many times he's died. ASK HIM HOW MANY TIMES HE'S HAD TO DO THIS.]

I'm s...I'm sorry...I know you've died...many times. You're right, reviving in the ocean would have killed me twofold. This was the only way but I've n-never died, and coming back like that was horrid! Now...I feel terrible...and I have to fix it...and you're telling me that I'm doing it wrong.

Edited 2021-10-06 05:41 (UTC)

[Atem has to just let his ears ring, through Ryou's description of what happened. He can't sink into it, can't let himself imagine what happened, or he'll be lost himself in how much it hurts to hear what it was like for Ryou to die.

It feels to Ryou like he's being criticized. And it feels to Atem like he's being asked for help with something that he can't do anything about, that he can't change. He and Ryou really do deal with this kind of thing differently, don't they? Atem's come back from his deaths with very little complaint. He offered a description up to a room full of monsters once, but aside from one instance in which he saw a way to make it useful, Atem moves on from them as fast as possible. He skims lightly over the surface so that what's happening to Ryou doesn't happen to him, so that he doesn't sink into how terrible it had been, into awful memories he can't change, and can focus on the next task, on solutions.

Ryou...doesnt want that, doesn't want nudges in the direction of what Atem thinks will help. It sounds to Ryou like he's being told his decisions are wrong (no, just not the most efficient).

Is he telling Ryou that Ryou is recovering wrong?

There's frustration, deep down in Atem's heart, that's not exactly fair, but that's tied to how he's got so much of his own that he feels he can't burden Ryou with, because Ryou has his own problems, problems that feel like they haven't so much as slowed down since June. Atem wants to tell Ryou about some of his own cares, about his worries about Yugi, but if Ryou isn't avoiding him, or not sleeping, or falling into vortices and losing limbs, or ending up burned, he's dying. Atem doesn't blame Ryou for any of those incidents, of course. None of them are his fault; they're the game catching him, a game Ryou never deserved to be forced into.

But it feels like he's spending all of time mending Ryou's bat-shattered playing piece with one hand and gluing his own up with the other. The beginning of September was okay, but being around Ryou had been the brightest source of happiness for a vampire fighting personal wars on ten different fronts, with at least half a dozen things that counted as top priorities (escape for yugi. protection for riley. revenge for steve. locating nagito. support for ryou. becoming a monster among monsters, for all of them.) Just about the only time he found himself relaxing anymore was when he and Ryou were together, so Atem didn't want to talk about anything sad.

Yugi's situation compounds it; there's so much Yugi doesn't understand, so much Atem can't tell him because it's too dark, too sad, there's no point, they're leaving anyway -- and with Yugi hungry, he's got his own problems without Atem adding to them.

Atem's Monster World piece isn't being smashed with a bat. It's being crushed in a pedestal-trap. And he can't tell the two people who matter most in the world how bad it is.

He needs Ryou, wants support from him; Ryou's not the only one Atem talks to, but Ryou's positioned to understand in a way not many others are. Ryou's his favorite. He wants Ryou to be doing better. He wants Ryou to put together I can help myself by seeing a doctor about dehydration so that maybe Atem can talk to him about how scared he is that he doesn't see a way to get Yugi past the feeding hurdle without breaking his heart, about how he's failing at what matters most to him and doesn't know how to get it right.

So, he might be telling Ryou he's doing it wrong, in a way. Atem's being unfair, and god but it stings to have to be the one who's recognizing that he's being unfair as his head is being bitten off for -- one mistake? One? In how long? After bringing in a friend to heal the worst of it, after doing all he could to keep Ryou calm, while listening to Ryou scream his way through a situation Atem hadn't magically predicted and forestalled? But he can't say that, not now, because it's Ryou's problems that they have to deal with, Ryou who's suffering. Because what Atem could do for him wasn't good enough.

(Metaphorically bitten off. Not a good metaphor to use right now.)

Atem shuts his eyes. For someone who doesn't want to be a burden, he thinks, unkindly, Ryou doesn't really get how to avoid situations where the people around him have to carry him.

No, that kind of thinking isn't helpful. He's got to be better.

Slowly, measured:]

I'm trying to help you come back. From a situation that I made worse for you.

[Up pop his choices.

> Try to help again and get your head bitten off some more (metaphorically)
> Leave him alone, so he gets stuck in his own thoughts and the situation gets worse

What a set of options. But he's not ready to throw in the towel yet. When somebody's hurting, they aren't their best selves...it'd be pretty pathetic if he couldn't take this.]

I do get it. I know how frightening it is. How much it hurts. If what you want is to deal with that alone, then that's fine. But I had to deal with it alone the first time, and the second, and the third. If I had the choice, I wouldn't choose that.

It doesn't have to be me. But you should be with someone, right now. I want to be here for you, but only in a way you want. If you'll let me.

Edited (polishes the bad mental health on sleeve so its shiny bad mental health now) 2021-10-06 16:40 (UTC)

I don't want to deal with it alone.

[There it is. There's Ryou being selfish, self-centered, not wanting to let Atem out of this just because they were both fighting, rubbing each other raw going in opposite directions. Ryou's reaction was more explosive, pushed to the absolute limit...but as a result of how he's reaction, he doesn't know how Atem's feeling.

And right now...he's too distracted to realize how deep it goes. All he can see is the shallow surface of what his words had done, and how very, very carefully Atem is handling him. Atem has given him an out to leave, because they're...they're fighting?!

More than anything, that makes Ryou's hands fall back onto the counter, and he stares down, blinking a few times to try and clear his head. All it does is occlude his vision though, because for how dried up he is, he's still got tears to shed, evidently. He's...a bad person, isn't he? He's terrible.

Atem had tried to fix him. Atem had tried to help him. And Ryou had spat in his face. He can't fix it now. He may not be able to fix it ever, especially not with the frustration still buzzing in the back of his mind...

So he says that very selfish thing, straightens up a little, looks at the bat creature smartly handling him with kid gloves and hating that he had to be treated that way. But Ryou can't resolve that right now. He doesn't have time to unpack all of it. Also if he keeps complicating this situation he's going to throw up two bottles of water on the counter. Both because he's already been nauseated since before he got here, and because...the thought that him and Atem were arguing for...probably the first time since they'd gotten close? That's sickening. He doesn't want that for them!

Atem's being too understanding. It's aggravating because Ryou's not sure whether it's affection, or a calculated move. Maybe it was both...but with Atem, sometimes he couldn't tell what was pushing his actions more, and that sometimes bothered him because he wanted to think that it was affection!

He can't be sure though. It's like a worm in the back of his mind, chewing, biting, hurting...]

If you think I should go to the clinic, then I will. That's the smart move, right? I'll...I'll do it soon.

["The smart move." Why does he sound so despondent saying that?

He wants to say something else but...he's not really sure what else to say. He just offloaded his entire situation onto Atem in a way that was hurtful. He doesn't deserve to be rewarded for bad behavior. Admitting he didn't want to be alone was enough...asking for comfort? Very much out of order. So he breaks eye contact and looks down again. Because he doesn't deserve better right now.

Way to thank someone for their efforts, Ryou. Fuck, what a nightmare...]

[...that's less biting than Atem was braced for.

Okay.

Ryou's not feeling better, exactly, but Atem will take what he can get, and cooling of outright hostility is a step.

(He needs Ryou thinking clearly for whatever the Tågevalgten scraps were warning them would happen in October. It's going to be big -- of course Halloween month in a horror game will be showy -- and that's one more thing to worry about, one more thing to plan for. Atem doesn't know if he's going to get that, but he'll try.)

His wings fold up, tuck back down on his shoulders, pressed close to his back. He steps forward, clawed toes extending on the floor as too-big feet carry him closer.]

It doesn't have to be right now.

[Forward he goes, slowly closing the distance, crossing into the kitchen.]

You just got home. It's all right to rest a while.

[Atem doesn't reach out yet, just...stops just within reach. Which is still a bit of distance, but not far.]

...I missed you.

[Ryou isn't sure what to say when Atem approaches him and tries to play damage-control. Because it is, isn't it? Ryou had gone off on him, and been--to a degree--rightly angry that he'd woken up with these issues. Now Atem was trying to placate him, and he doesn't know what to do about that.

But in the end...Atem was just making a choice based on his limitations. It's not his fault that Ryou's revival experience didn't match up with anyone else's. It wasn't his fault anymore than it was Ryou's fault for being stuck in his child form, where his shade-self couldn't properly fix things.

...He turns, but he doesn't close the distance immediately. "You just got home. It's all right to rest a while." That's true. Ryou knows it's true, and that he wants to rest. If he rests, he won't be on a hair trigger, ready to bite someone's head off at any provocation. Though...unlike the Ring-Spirit, Atem was never in any danger of Ryou losing himself and threatening to tear his soul out. Little mercies, ha ha ha.]

I...I didn't even know to miss you. Isn't that sad? H-hahaha. If I didn't know the fogs were on a schedule, I wouldn't even know how much time had passed. But now...knowing I left you alone in this house with nothing but a silent corpse, I r-regret it. Going out. I didn't know that this would happen, and that I would leave you waiting.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

[He steps forward himself, hesitantly. He still doesn't deserve to touch Atem, to want to hug him after the exchange they'd just had. But he does move closer, until they're so close that it's maddening.

Ryou reaches out with that same hesitance to place a hand on Atem's shoulder...but he draws his hand back, to his own chest. The apology's written all over his face.]

I'm sorry I yelled. I don't want to fight...

[To Atem, it's not placation. It's admitting that, maybe, the best thing right now for Ryou isn't going off and plunking himself in a medical setting, so that he doesn't lose any time between this round and the last. That should probably happen later, so Ryou doesn't have to do so much rehydration work, but right now, it'd likely just be miserable.

And it's the truth. He missed Ryou. He missed Ryou awfully. He wants to get closer, without sparking another argument; Atem doesn't want to fight either, not now that Ryou's back.]

Me either.

[He'll put that hand on Ryou's shoulder, he's not afraid to, and as long as there's no flinch back, Atem will take that last step forward and wrap his arms around Ryou's shoulders.]

It's okay. No one's their best self when they're hurting!

[Him, too. Maybe there was a clue he'd missed, somewhere down the line, that this would go badly, but because Atem was already a few days into the decay of the corpse of someone he loved, he was blind to it.]

And nobody escapes everything that happens here.

[He pulls Ryou's whole body in if he can, so that his arms are stretched around Ryou's back, the fur of his head and neck brushing the side of Ryou's. He knows Ryou's uncomfortable, he won't hold too tight, but, he's waited over a week and a half and has only not taken more sad lion naps because there's still so much to do. He meant it, about missing Ryou; this much, at least, isn't a move calculated for Ryou.]

You're back, and that's what matters.

[...he decides not to bring up right now that he wasn't entirely alone in the apartment, that the Ring-Spirit camped here pretty much the whole time. Later.]

[There is a flinch, but it's not away. Instead, it's towards. Atem won't get any pushback when he wraps his arms around Ryou. In fact, Ryou turns the hand that had been at his chest, instead curling his fingers against Atem's. He can feel the dried, almost mummified skin beneath his claws and it reminds him that during the fog, sometimes skin like this was just Atem's reality.

He wants to ask if it hurts, like it hurt Ryou. But that's not a question for now. The only thing that matters is being close. He brings up his other arm, loosely wrapping it around Atem's waist because he's still worn out. Not going any higher, sorry.]

I could have done better. You took care of me, in your own way. Even if it wasn't painless...it was you trying. I can't keep being upset about it, that's just not fair...

[He still feels awful, but he presses his cheek against Atem's. If Atem can feel it through his furred bat-face, it's probably not quite as full and soft as it usually is. He's solid, but his skin is still dry and uncomfortable.]

I'm happy to be back here with you. Even if I was such an ungrateful jerk just now.

[He closes his eyes, swallowing hard. Nope. Not gonna cry. He's not. This has been the worst day of his life, but he is not going to cry.

...much.]

I'll make it up to you.

[What was said had hurt.

Atem had hurt Ryou first, by making a quick decision about where to keep the body that had unanticipated consequences, and by being critical when that wasn't what Ryou needed. He understands that today has been terrible. But his feelings are sore, wrung-out. He's not sure how to unpack all of them, but he knows for sure that now's not the time. Later, maybe. Once the skin Atem dried out is back to what it was. If Ryou is in a place where burdening him with it won't be too much for someone coming back from death for the first time. For now, just not being pushed away is helping; it lightens the weight on him. Atem still doesn't see the way out of the pedestal-trap, he's still in it, but he can keep going, like this.

And that's the key: to keep going. Atem can't spend too much time now wondering whether he could have predicted it after all, if there was a sign he'd missed. Reviewing the last round once you've learned all you can is wasted time; what matters isn't a perfect score, what matters is staying in the game. And Ryou's made it clear that it's not over.

He can feel Ryou's face beside his. Gently, with a very, very small motion, Atem brushes his cheekbone against Ryou's. Sorry. I missed you. I love you.]

You don't have to. And you don't have to be grateful to me, for doing something that ended up painful, and wasn't useful to you...I know it hurts. But it won't hurt forever.

[He relaxes, a few degrees; Atem's wing body-language goes from restrained and pulled-in-tight (a hands-to-himself feeling, like tucking your elbows in in a crowded hallway) to something looser. His wings' thumb-claws unhook from his wings, and they wrap around Ryou, too.]

Edited 2021-10-07 02:58 (UTC)

[Atem's words shouldn't make it worse, they should make it better. To some degree, he does derive comfort in knowing his feelings are valid. But...being validated also hurts, because it lends credence to the idea that Atem deserved to get yelled at...and Ryou doesn't like thinking that. Now that his anger is cooling off, he's aghast at the way he'd behaved.

What if Atem thought that was who Ryou was? A short-tempered, hurtful person who didn't care about the feelings of others?

He clenches his jaw, so tight that his pointed teeth grind together. It hurts. He deserves for it to hurt. This isn't how you're supposed to treat people you care about.

When the wings engulf him, he lets out a soft sound. It's not happy...it's guilty, but he manages to hold Atem closer anyway. The sound wasn't because of anything Atem did. It was because of what Ryou did.

I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I love you. I need you.]

Y-you don't have to keep me home to stop me from being scared if this happens again. That's why you did it...r-right? It's okay. You're my home. You're my heart. If you're there...th-then that's enough.

[If Atem can take the insults and threats hurled at him by the people he'd played games with in Domino, he tells himself, he can take a fit of temper.

(It's not the same. Brushing off the derisive opinion of someone who doesn't matter to you isn't the same as someone asking you why you did something that hurt them. A few thousand years ago, in Egypt, they used to say that the worst things in life were lying in bed and being unable to sleep, waiting for someone who isn't coming, and trying to please but not pleasing. Obviously, having all of the water drained from you under the sway of a Fog God who doesn't see fit to put it back is worse than all of those things, and Atem can name a few others, but, you know. It's a mood.)

Atem doesn't want to pull his feelings apart right now. He doesn't want to feel hurt. He doesn't want to feel frustrated, not now that he's got his support back. He pushes it all away as unimportant, something he can take, something he's strong enough to carry. Ryou's telling him what he does want, possibly the closest thing he'll get to explicit instructions on what to do with his body if he dies, and Atem pays attention.]

I'll remember. I promise.

[He doesn't know if it will do any good. This game doesn't want them sparing each other pain. But Atem will be damned if he doesn't try -- if he doesn't do the best he can.

(Even if it's not going to be enough.)

But at least he can avoid making the same mistake twice.

He pulls his face back, not letting go with his arms or his wings but retreating just enough that his red eyes can look into Ryou's white ones. A fuzzy, curved bat-forehead pushes gently against Ryou's.]

You should come to bed. You're tired, aren't you? Give that water a chance to work. Get some sleep. You can think about everything else when you wake up.

Edited 2021-10-07 04:15 (UTC)

[When Atem pulls back and looks him in the face, Ryou looks...pretty miserable, yeah. Guilty, worn out, and pretty tired, yes. The souls he'd eaten weren't going to be enough. He'd have to go out again, because even healing from injuries less grievous than this one had been had taken it out of him.

He'd had to hunt out of cycle once he'd grown back his arm and leg, and he'd made really bad choices then, choices he kept in his heart and away from anyone who might see the monster inside. Because there was one. The angry, vengeful creature that consumed indiscriminately and hurt the people he cared about.

No one could tell him he didn't have a monster inside of him. Not anymore. But so that he didn't hurt them...he'd keep those thoughts inside. They could only hurt him. And that was fine.]

Will you stay with me? Just until I'm asleep, then you can leave if you want to.

[He closes his eyes and exhales softly. Even though his body hurts, his heart hurts and his mind feels heavy...being here, forehead to forehead...it's comforting. He doesn't even realize he's leaned in to press a fond kiss to the bridge of Atem's bat-muzzle until a few seconds have passed.

Perhaps just a casual reminder that Atem being a bat-monster will never bother him.]

Of course I will.

[He pulls back again, this time to press the tip of his snout, just a little bit of his nose and mouth, against Ryou's cheek, near his mouth, returning the gesture. Then, Atem unhooks his wings from Ryou's shoulders, unwraps them from him, and tucks them back into their usual position. Hands back in pockets, elbows tucked in.]

Your room's back in order, but...if it's too hard, after what happened, we can sleep in mine.

[Either way. Sleeping in Atem's room is less frequent, since it's more often that he goes over to Ryou's, but it's not off-limits. Even the boxes under the bed and in the closet have been moved to a better workshop.]

[The boop is nice. It brings forth a small amount of levity to what had been a rough situation...and then Ryou has to make a choice. Where are they sleeping?]

Nnnh.

[Ryou had wanted Atem to stay with him partly because his room felt strange. It had felt foreign to him, devoid of a great deal of what made it his space, and after being healed and having his vision spring back, to see that...it had frightened him at first.

Before that, he'd been frightened too. Very much so. He remembers screaming a lot, even if he couldn't hear it. The stress on his throat reminded him that he was conveying himself somehow.

When Atem pulls back, Ryou finally comes back to himself and answers.]

If it's okay...yours. I won't make it a habit, h-haha. Unless...you want me to.

[He loops an arm around Atem's, because he wants to be close. He wants to be loved.

~~He wants to be forgiven~~

It'll be up to Atem to lead. Ryou will follow in his steps.]

Atem...do you remember things from then? When we were children, I mean.

[He, personally, was having some troubles remembering everything. Maybe it had to do with his head growing back, or maybe he was repressing some stuff. But he remembers a few things...]

[His is fine. Atem's gotten very comfortable with availing himself of Ryou's space, coming in if he wants to. He prefers a little more privacy in his own space, but inviting Ryou in is perfectly all right.

The door's been open much more lately so that Tybolt can come in during the day. Whoops.

Atem gives the arm in his a gentle squeeze, and does lead the way -- one of his wing-claws hooks a bottle of water behind Ryou's back as they pass the water case.]

Yes, I do. Actually, I've got a few memories now from when I was alive...they're fragmented, not whole like they were during the fog, but they're definitely mine.

[Ryou walks, and he almost smiles whenever Atem squeezes his arm. Almost. But what really makes his expression shift to something more positive, relieved and relaxed, is the fact that Atem does remember. There was something good that came from this. Atem's memories were precious. A rarity. Ryou wanted him to have them.]

I'm happy for you. Even if there's only a few, that's good. You were...you were a good person then too.

[He pauses.]

...You liked ducks. Right?

[He remembers. He remembers eating flavored ramen on the floor, over there, as they walk past...he remembers how amazing it had been that there wasn't any sand in it at all. He remembers talking about ducks, and he remembers the pond in the garden they had used to come to...]

Yes. I did.

They used to fly into the gardens, and...you could find them in the reeds by the river. My mother didn't like them at all! But...

[He's got to pause a second there, just inside the door to his room. Atem draws a sharp breath. He's been so busy thinking ahout other things, trying to find things to think about that aren't what he doesn't want to look at, that the emotion from this hasn't really hit him.

His voice is still the rumbly monster growl, but it's gone quiet.]

I remember the face of my mother.

[And her name. And his father. And his father's name.

Give him, uh. Just give Atem a second, here.]

[Ryou takes the pause in stride. The fight they'd had is cast aside for now, in favor of whatever it takes to remind Atem of something happy. He deserves that. Ryou's free hand reaches towards Atem's hand and he curls his fingers over the top of it.]

I'm glad that you know it now. You've won back something important, haven't you? I remember the monsters that chased us and tried to scare us...but at least we have some good memories together, and you have some forgotten memories that were in your heart, just for you.

[Those memories were a side-effect of something unexpected that had happened to them. But if Ryou hadn't been killed...would this even have been a bad experience? He wonders.

You corrupted something precious to him. You broke it. You hurt him. You made it bad. Bad. Bad. Bad--]

...D-do you know her name?

[It had been pretty bad. Atem had been frightened. He'd seen people hurting awfully.

There's also the traitorous, suspicious part of his mind that wonders if those memories are real, or if they're like what happened with Marco's portal, which Atem doesn't trust took people to their homes at all.

But...maybe he'll be able to confirm some of it with people from his world. The Ring-Spirit, or Marik. Cross-reference names, places. And, until then...he nods.]

Kiya.

[He holds Ryou's fingers, is quiet a second.]

I wonder how long it's been, since someone's said her name. I wonder if they found her...

[Maybe her tomb was found, or her name and carvings were on a monument, and Egyptologists talk about her sometimes, and she's just not as famous as Hatshepsut.

Or, maybe it never was, and she's resting quietly somewhere, and this is the first time anyone's given her that kind of power in the afterlife.

....

Weird, to go from not particularly caring about religious practices to feeling like this is significant. Okay. Nope. He's going to think about that more when Ryou is asleep, and not get lost behind his own eyes while Ryou is still here, when Ryou is finally back.]

Come on. You're the one who needs to be resting peacefully!

[He nudges Ryou toward bed.]

Edited 2021-10-07 17:27 (UTC)

I'm going! I'm going...

[Ryou steps into Atem's room, which feels weird. They were always in his room, they slept in his bed...not this one. But Atem was correct--Ryou didn't want to sleep in his room. Things were back in place, perhaps, but it still felt...wrong. The experience in general is still raw, and he doesn't want to think about it.

Gruesome things tend to roll off his back, but not that. Not yet. Maybe not ever?

He can't think about that now. He can't.]

Yuo should too, though. If not right now...then sometime soon. You do too much, Atem. Have you been resting enough since I was...

[Dead?]

...away?

[Will Atem even be honest with him? He doesn't believe that Atem would lie, just that he held himself up to a higher standard than others, and so didn't think he needed to take breaks. But there's still time to consider the answer as Ryou busies himself with moving towards the bed, running a hand across the sheets and reveling in the thought of being in Atem's personal space, just for a little while. In his bed.

He also thinks about what a pretty name Kiya is. Thinking about what it must have been like, being part of the royal family. Was she comfortable being the wife of a pharaoh and the mother of the future of their people?]

[Long days in the workshop, nights in Ragnarök's kitchen slicing bodies he didn't source, ribcages snapping open as springloaded winglike bars release their tension, metal hooks sanded down into the shape of claws extracted from torn skin, hearts exposed, still beating, the easiest thing in the world to wind a hand around their backs and bring their open chests up to his teeth, the eighth-floor glances in the hallway between those who witnessed the last gasp of Fabius Bile, the shape of the Ring-Spirit barely seen in the dark, emergency blood drives at the clinic and midnight harvests of enough blood to kill into bags neatly dated and stored, old names in papers, new names on graves--

He shuts his eyes, smiles a you-got-me smile.]

...ah, I'm afraid not.

[He steps toward the bed, dropping the bottle of water on a nightstand that used to have a book on it but doesn't anymore and then using the same wing-claw to pull the bedsheets down.]

But I've got every intention of sleeping through to tomorrow.

Edited 2021-10-07 18:19 (UTC)

[Ryou thought not.

He doesn't scold Atem though, instead he stoops down, settles himself on the bed and moves to the far end. Plenty of room for a large bat to squeeze in. And once he's laying down...Ryou feels as if a weight's been lifted from his shoulders, because he doesn't have to stand, and he doesn't have to move. The discomforting feeling of drinking too much water at once is not so bad like this. He is still dizzy though. That's fine. When he closes his eyes, it'll be better.]

Resting is important. I would be happy to know you caught a few extra hours of sleep with me.

[He tries not to sound overly happy about the though, Atem is free to do what he wants! He can get up, leave Ryou sleeping, do other stuff. It's okay.

Ryou wouldn't say no though, to having a bat-shaped body pillow.]

What are you doing all the way over there?

[If Ryou's eyes are closed, or he's facing away, he might end up caught by surprise as two hands and two wings reach out to pull Ryou in. Ryou's going to end up lying on one of the wings if he doesn't fight it, and the other ends up slipping between Ryou and the blankets above. It's not fast enough to be a shock, there's no weird monster speed making this hard to fight or something that might spook, and it's gentle enough that Atem's being mindful of how bad Ryou feels physically right now, but -- the person Atem wanted to be there most has been absent for painful reasons for over a week. So as long as Ryou's up for being held, Ryou is getting held.

He usually is. So, as long as it's not so rough it hurts, Atem's not expecting to be pushed away. He'll be careful!]

[Ryou does sputter a little, because he didn't expect Atem to scoop him up like that. It's not uncomfortable, because Atem is gentle and Ryou's aware of how gentle in the way he moves, almost cradling the shade as if he might break.

...Ryou feels like if it was anyone else, he might, but instead, he finds himself wriggling closer, trying not to harm the leathery limb beneath him.]

I'm not too heavy am I?

[Look he's just worried about your wing-bones, Atem. Ryou's a little heavier than usual since he was going full-solidity. Still, the way he curls in close...it's clear that this is where he wants to be. When you feel like absolute garbage, being by someone you care about is important. Being enveloped in their wings is even better.

He considers wrapping an arm around Atem, but...instead, he brings his hand up to cup Atem's cheek. It's weird, because he's got a bat face, but Ryou likes weird. Ryou's always liked weird.

...He wants so much to kiss Atem, but they can't this way, can they? Not the way Ryou wants. Not without perhaps making it too weird for Atem. Besides which, Ryou shouldn't be doing involved activities like that right now, he still feels atrocious.]

I love you...you know that, right?

[Even if they argue...even if they don't always see eye-to-eye, he loves Atem unconditionally.]

[He gives a little headshake -- no, not too heavy at all. Especially during the fog. This form is tougher...Ryou's fine like this. Atem's eyes fall half-closed as his face is touched. The sore feelings from the fight are ebbing, scabbing over, well on its way to healing. His face presses lightly into Ryou's hand, and his voice is a low rumble.]

I know. I love you, too.

[He's got no idea how kissing would go with a horrible ear-to-ear bat-maw. Nose boops are about the best he can manage, because he's not Lila, who just fuckin goes for it. Instead, he brings their foreheads together again, getting one arm settled under Ryou's head and the other around his back.

...he really does want to do the catlike face-rub a lot when he's like this, Atem notes. He supposes there's a similar scent thing going on with bats, though his own nose isn't nearly good enough to pick it up. He could hold back, but...something in him doesn't mind being a little selfish right now. So, after a moment of forehead touch, Atem does nuzzle the side of Ryou's face with his own furry one, like an absolutely enormous cat.

He doesn't have snakes to show his feelings anymore, so...Atem has to do it himself.]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

IC Inbox | ryslig

cw drowning imagery/memory!

cw; description of decapitation, death, gore

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sighs in taking sides in the was-tutmom-Kiya-or-Nefertiti debate but Kiya sounds more like a ygo

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cw gore/intrusive thoughts

oh boy to be a fly on the wall of THAT

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