softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

Well, it's not held up with magic, or it would have flattened out when I arrived, like the front part!

[Talking about mundane, light stuff is fine. This is good. This is nice. This is--

He turns around as he's lifting the blankets out of the way to get into bed, and he spots that the collar is still on Ryou's neck. It really does look nice on him! It's a cute accessory, but it can't be the most comfortable, and he's completely failed to forget a single offhand comment involving bells made during a combined birthday-nameday party for four months.

If it's.

If it's uncomfortable, Ryou can take it off. It's possible taking it off would be more uncomfortable, since right now it's comforting him about the scar that happened when his head was bitten off, Atem, be considerate of other people's deaths. Some people sleep in collars to cope. He did, when he woke up with what he thought were bite marks on his own neck.

So, instead, he keeps the conversation up, as he climbs into bed.]

I guess whatever happened to it when I was alive changed it permanently, instead of it being an ongoing magic effect...

[They had discussed his magic hair as children.]

Edited 2021-10-10 03:00 (UTC)

[Ryou fortunately remembers that conversation. He's a little embarrassed that as a child he'd been such a nosy jerk, but in fairness to him, Atem had been a bit bratty. And...actually, it wasn't so bad. They ate noodles, they took care of each other, and they ended up being friends again.

It was nice to know that even without a preexisting connection...they could still come around to each other.

As for the collar, he doesn't want to take it off yet. Much like the pants, the collar represents something protective right now. Plus, he has to get used to it anyway, right? It'll be okay. It's not even that uncomfortable!]

Hmm. You did mention something about the Puzzle--er, the Pendant? That's what you called it, I think.

[The memories are still fuzzy around the edges, but Ryou's not interested in focusing on the fact that he can't remember everything. It's fine...

He lets Atem settle in, then with the same amount of hesitation as usual, he slips into bed as well. He'll probably never get fully used to it. Atem gets into Ryou's bed with him like he owns it. Ryou? He's leasing space for at best eight hours, don't mind him.

He's getting a little better though, he doesn't have to be encouraged to roll on his side and scoot closer.]

[Good, because Atem wants to face him and hold hands. He takes hold of Ryou's and brings their clasped hands up to the pillow, folded between them.]

Yes. Touching it was what made my hair change.

I was looking for something to play with, and I thought I could use it as a top, like the spinning kind...I had no idea it was dangerous!

[Ryou smiles, because he loves how easily he can keep this kind of familiar contact with Atem, even during conversation. Dating's wild.]

It's understandable that you wouldn't know any different. Some of the Items have an interesting feel to them. I...erm. I used to...toy with the spires of the Ring when I was younger.

[Wow! That is not the same!! Ryou backpedals from that statement because it really doesn't match up to Atem's experience.]

...Actually that's silly, that's not--it isn't the same, it's not as if the Ring changed me physically just for touching it...

No, I think it is pretty similar. We were kids, and we didn't know any better...we didn't know we could have gotten hurt! Most children do something like that at some point, I think...

[No reason to backpedal. Also, Atem's not going to bring up the gross shit he remembers seeing where the Ring was underneath Ryou's skin. If that's forgotten about, it can be consigned to oblivion.

Instead, he takes his other hand and puts it on top of Ryou's, not content with just the one.]

[Ryou tries very hard not to think of his first possession, and for the moment, the memories of the Ring under his skin aren't something that comes to mind. But uh. Hey, good job never imposing that particular body horror tax on Yugi, Atem.

Because a certain Ring-Spirit certainly did. Surprise.]

Well at any rate...at least your hair suits you. I like it.

[When Atem grips his hand more securely, Ryou grins, all pointy teeth and yet somehow very soft. He brings his hand up, just enough that he can lean down just a bit and kiss the backs of Atem's fingers.]

...The Items are dangerous. But if I didn't have mine, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to meet you. So...I'm happy about that at least.

[He never really notices that he still speaks about the Ring as if he possesses it even now. He doesn't want it, but it had been such a constant in his life that...sometimes he forgets.]

[Atem likes his hair, too. Something about it feels right; he has no inclination to change it, as set in this is how I look as any ghost. He's completely secure in how it looks, even though compliments on it are few and far between.

But this compliment from someone he loves, simple and sincere, pulls a smile out of him, a warm one, that only gets warmer when Ryou brings their hands up to his mouth to kiss them. It makes Atem feel again like, if his heart is made of cool metal most of the time, then this touch is warming it, promising to make it soft. He's charmed.

One of Atem's hands, the kissed one, pulls away from Ryou's so that he can run the backs of his fingers over Ryou's cheek.]

I'm glad we met, too.

[The fingers brushing the side of Ryou's face turn over, catching him just behind the jaw and nudging him forward, so their foreheads can touch. They really were born three thousand years apart...them meeting seems impossible, but now that it's happened, Atem doesn't want it any other way.

Speaking of impossibilities--]

Though, I really did think you were going to come back with me to Egypt. I was going to take care of you, make you a companion...and make sure you got to hold a duck! Heh heh.

[He had behaved like an absolute brat at the start. But the spoiled little kinglet had come around, and ended up caring very much, enough to hold both Marik and Ryou's hands on the way back from the fight with the monster.]

[Ryou's eyes half-close, illuminating a light dusting of darker gray on his cheeks because...he never, ever expected this. Ryslig was hell, and he probably deserved it, but what he didn't deserve was Atem. Every single one of their friends would probably give him the most owlish looks if they knew, because Ryou Bakura? Atem could probably have done better.

(none of his friends would think that. maybe)

...Ryou drops that line of thought because it's sad, and he refuses to be sad around his boyfriend. He should be happy. Grateful! Don't be stupid...instead, he shakes his head a little, because as a child, Atem really did have some big ideas in his head.]

You were just as sure of yourself at that age as you are now, I think. It was cute...even when you thought I was misleading you about not being a magician.

[He pauses, trying to sort out if he wants to say this or not. It seems...cruel to say it. But it's the truth.]

...I think I would have liked it if that could happen. I wish that I could go with you, somehow. It would have been nice, I think, to become friends, see the ducks, and spend time together. As children, or otherwise. It was nice getting to know you as a child, though perhaps you were far more sociable than me.

[He edges around the meat of his answer, talking about ducks, being children, all of that. But what he was really most focused on was the thought that he would have liked to be at Atem's side. If they go home, past the Sea of Stars meant to prevent them from going back, then...in the end, Atem would be gone forever, and Ryou would be left with the memories of something he could never have.]

Y-you know...I would have...liked learning magic and serving a purpose for you. I'm not magic, not really. But just if I could. H-haha.

[He leans in a bit, kissing the corner of Atem's mouth, because he wants to be affectionate, not overbearing.

"I would have liked being yours."

Those are the words in his heart that he doesn't wish to speak.]

[A thumb runs over Ryou's cheek; there's a light smile left behind, as Ryou pulls away from that kiss.]

I'd have liked to have you there. Not just to serve a purpose -- though I'm sure you'd pick up heka well! But, to have you as somebody close to me.

[Atem scoots a little closer, smiling. He has good news, about not being magic. He explains what he's remembered in a low, conspiratorial tone.]

Anyone could learn it, you know. The school for it was hard, and it involved a lot of difficult hieroglyphic work...but, it would have been possible for you to become a magician!

[The picture might not be quite as rosy as Ryou is thinking, but...what else is a fantasy for? Fantasies don't have to have bitter realities like the beatings students got, or how there is sand in all the food. They can just be nice.]

School? Heiroglyphics? Sounds like I'd have to work extra hard. I'm not that bookish.

[Though to be fair, he's a little more bookish than some of his other friends.

Ryou leans into the touch a bit. This conversation is nice. It makes him feel like he's working out his role in a game, and honestly, that's about the most comforting thing he could do in a situation like this.]

I'd learn it to help you, though. I know you don't mean for me to just be useful, but I think we both know a king couldn't just have a pretty face that didn't contribute--

[And then, all of a sudden, he pulls a look of false surprise.]

--unless the pharaoh intended to collect an oddity--a white-haired male concubine? That's terrible of you!

[He would never, ever say that to anyone else without an immediate flush rising to his cheeks, but somehow, Ryou feels perfectly alright teasing Atem like this...unless Atem reacts negatively in which case Ryou will promptly vanish from sight, but he's hedging his bets on the fact that around each other, they could be more lighthearted.]

[Ryou Bakura, he has seen the guidebook for Monster World. You are bookish when you care about what the book will let you do, and you're not afraid of a lot of fiddly details and math. On top of that, Atem thinks, Ryou's used to making small things that are representations of others...that's what sympathetic magic calls for. His skill set is very suited to heka.

Then, Ryou cracks that joke, and Atem's eyes widen, a flush creeping up his face for a moment. Ryou--! Really!

But it only takes a moment for Atem to recover from the surprise of a comment that mischievous, and a second later, he's bounced back, leaning in and grinning.]

Definitely not! I wouldn't collect an unusually beautiful concubine--

[He pushes Ryou onto his back, following so his head and shoulders are above him.]

--and keep him hidden away nowhere important. No -- you'd be a king's-wife, by my side! And I'd be the envy of everyone who saw you.

[One of his fingers runs down Ryou's nose, a playful stroke from the bridge to the tip.]

Unless you'd prefer a quiet life away from the court. But we wouldn't see each other as often, then.

Edited 2021-10-11 11:56 (UTC)

[If he knew what Atem was thinking, Ryou might argue that Monster World and the requisite mathematics are a labor of love, which...would actually only solidify Atem's point. But he doesn't! That's not the topic of discussion.

Actually, the topic of discussion was definitely...haha. Well.

Ryou had only meant to make a joke, but he sees the creeping red on Atem's cheeks. He only has a moment to wonder to himself exactly how well-fed Atem must be to blush like that, before he realizes that he's made a miscalculation with that joke, because now Atem's looming over him and he says...he says things like that.

Now it's time for Ryou to blush, a deep, dark gray, almost black, that spreads to the tips of his ears. It takes him a minute to process what Atem says, and maybe the other teen doesn't mean it, but the finger tracing down Ryou's nose, along with those words, have some kind of effect.]

H...haha...hold on a minute, you're--I'm not.

[Not beautiful, no. Pretty face was good enough for him but WORDS...LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!]

...I-I'm not sure I could handle seeing you less. I'd want to be by your side, and if it meant learning magic--ah, heka--then I'd do it. I'd be your k-king's-wife.

[Oof, can he blush any harder? Wife?!?! Help?! The joke backfired so badly, when will Ryou learn that his actions have consequences, and that Atem was always ready to prevail in a challenge? Any challenge. ~~accidental gay chicken with left RPG is a challenge.~~]

Edited 2021-10-11 15:32 (UTC)

[Incredibly cute. Ryou is very cute when he's losing gay chicken. Atem playfully tilts Ryou's face up toward his.]

It's settled, then!

[And he's going to kiss that cute flustered face, because even if this whole what-if scenario is just idle fun, that's the thing, it is fun.

Atem's perfectly aware that by conventional standards during the time he was alive, they'd be considered married right now. However, by conventional standards during Ryou's time, they aren't. So, in a serious situation, he's not going to operate with that in mind. He won't hold Ryou to a social convention Ryou doesn't even know about; that would be a dick move.

Playfully, though...Ryou's the ḥmt nswt wrt. Actually, as far as the other Egyptians are concerned, they might be thinking of Ryou in those terms seriously...Atem might need to warn Ryou about that.

...in a minute.]

[Ryou does the equivalent of a verbal keysmash right before Atem kisses him, but the not-words fade back down his throat at that point because...kissing. His fingers clench in the bedsheets as he returns the kiss, even going so far as to part his lips very subtly in invitation.

Atem, you suck. You're winding him up again and you're not even trying, are you?! Actually, Ryou's probably the one that sucks, since he's subconsciously using the entire affair as a distraction from his general sadness. But...he'd totally kiss his boyfriend otherwise, there's just a much needier edge to it right now.

He may...also die when Atem mentions that they're married in the eyes of all the Egyptians. That might be what pushes him over the edge and makes him an actual ghost, thanks. But that isn't even a concern yet. They'd cross that bridge when they got to it.]

[...well, okay. If Ryou's going to open his mouth, then the kiss doesn't have to be over right away. Atem doesn't have to breathe, and when he's kissing it's easy to forget about it, but right now, the kind of contentment he feels makes him sigh the air that is still in his lungs out.

The fingers at Ryou's chin drift along his jaw and down to the back of his neck, like they often do -- but this time, they brush over a collar. Ah, he'd almost forgotten Ryou was wearing that -- that he's in Atem's clothes, that wearing something of his makes Ryou feel better, and that Atem likes that. Something about it being on Ryou's neck, too...

There's a slight inhale. Then, his hand goes all the way around the back of Ryou's neck, and the kiss deepens. The mood shifts; the way Atem moves is different, more intent. A drive behind it that wasn't there before definitely is now, and "warn Ryou that their friends might make this awkward" gets relegated to the back burner. Awkward conversation later, pursue this now.]

[Yes. This is exactly what he wants, and what he needs. He hums in the back of his throat, more at the feeling of Atem's fingers tracing along his skin than the actual kiss at this point. He can tell that the energy in the room immediately shifts when contact is made with the collar though. It means more to the both of them than either is letting on--it's not just something to hide a scar.

Ryou...kind of wants to know what else it signifies between them at this point. He'll happily figure it out now, later, whenever, just so long as they could keep kissing and forget everything around them. Nothing else matters.

While one hand says buried in the sheets, the other moves up, pressing to Atem's chest and then mapping a pathway down. He wants to feel more...he wants to pull Atem closer, urgently, but instead settles his arm around Atem's upper back, not gripping. Just...settling.]

[Finally.

Finally, there's...there's nothing in the way this time, is there? Not snake parts he's not had the chance to get used to, not a question of whether it's really okay to go further because they've sort of just gotten together and Ryou's adorably birthday-drunk, not a fog-form, or a recent loss...Atem's trying to think of a reason it might be right to hold back, and he's drawing a blank.

So, he doesn't. He doesn't see the need to stop, not as long as Ryou's basically telling him keep going, so Atem shifts so more of him is above Ryou, kisses him a little bit hungrier, brings fingers up to wind in Ryou's hair, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough for the pressure to give him control over the angle of the kiss, and for it to be felt. He lets the hand settling bring him down so his upper body is lying on Ryou's chest, freeing up the hand that was supporting him to reach under Ryou's arm and hook a hand over his shoulder. Breaks in the kiss come with pleased, light breaths -- he doesn't make any voiced sounds, he's quiet, but the quality of the breaths is positive. He doesn't have to breathe, but he is, because of this.

There's no reason to stop. Nothing's going to go wrong if he doesn't, if they don't want to stop. They can keep doing this as long as they like this time, and just see what happens when there's not one thing or another thing causing problems...]

[Finally is right. Ryou's wanted to be wrapped up in Atem and not have to worry about weird monster anatomy for a long, long time. They're...pretty vanilla monsters, all things considered. A vampire and a shade. The hardest part of being who they are probably revolves around biting and staying solid.

And Ryou can definitely stay solid for this, it's his most practiced skill. So when Atem presses close, he can feel it, the slightly cooler body pressed against his own, a comforting weight that grounds him through the euphoria of their actions. He's the one that needs to breathe between kisses, of course, but he wishes he didn't, because every second that their lips part is a second where the warmth that connects them is broken. And the fingers in his hair, oh do they feel nice. Ryou stays utterly pliant, moving as he's directed, his fingers curling against Atem's back. Now he's pulling him closer in earnest.

As he lays there, eyes closed and making enough pleased sounds to cover the both of them at this point, he thinks to himself that if they could just...go a little bit further, maybe they can actually forget everything bad, and that warmth that's building low in the pit of his abdomen can finally go just a little further.

But of course, there's something else at work here. A different type of need--a hunger that has nothing to do with his current emotional state. Something that he's been fortunate enough not to give away. Or at least he doesn't think Atem knows? Ryou's the homebody, after all.]

[He'll know now though, because while they're busy making out and feeling each other over, Ryou's body suddenly stiffens and his stomach lets out a frankly uproarious noise, reminding him that he's been putting off something kind of important and ruining his biological equilibrium.

He freezes immediately, mid-kiss. Oh no. Oh NO, Atem's laying on top of him, surely he heard that and felt it and now...it was going to be awkward. He was going to have to explain this wasn't he? Please just don't say anything, Atem. He'd literally pay you good money to pretend that didn't happen, sir.

God. Fucking. Damn it.]

[--what the hell...?

For a second, Atem wonders if Ryou is sick. He pulls back, coming back to earth through the haze of anticipation that's been cut abruptly short, looking Ryou dead in the face, trying to figure out what that was.]

...are you okay?

[That's not a romantic are-you-okay-with-this-before-we-keep-going. That's a that noise was concerning and we live in a horror game; please tell me something that looks like it's from Alien isn't about to explode out of you.]

[Concern is fair. Concern is very fair actually, but it only makes Ryou want to shrink away into nothing. There's a definite fade in his visibility, actually, that only manifests when he's outrageously embarrassed.]

Yes, I'm...I'm fine, I just...

[He winces, because oof, this kind of hurts now. He...feels so empty and hungry, even if it's not that hunger, and now he has to explain it. Ryou doesn't know how to explain it well though.]

...I've almost always eaten normal food, I guess...even when I didn't really have a home here. So even though I'm not hungry for souls...I guess my body's used to snacks. Um. A-and I just keep being too busy to...snack.

It'll go away eventually, it's just an unnecessary bodily function that needs to turn off! I just need to wait it out.

[He anticipates the implicit Ryou why the fuck? but even if he's asked, there isn't a satisfactory answer. Just like that "explanation."]

S-sorry. We were having a nice time...

[Ryou, what the fuck.

Maybe if he hadn't lived with Ryou for five months, he wouldn't know this was absolute bullshit. Ryou Bakura doesn't get too busy to eat. If it had been a case of regular food becoming harder on his system, so after his death he switched to souls only for a while, that would have made sense. Been a little sad, but made sense. This, though? Where his body actively wants food but he's not eating?

Buddy.]

...is that really what you want? To stop eating normal food?

[Doubt. Doubt, you gay little creampuff.]

[Ryou glances down...then away. His stomach doesn't just hurt now, it's twisting itself in knots, and maybe some of that's because of the hunger, but a part of it is that now, his time with Atem is being dedicated to the one thing he doesn't want it dedicated to.

Their fight was hard on him. It was probably hard on Atem too. It was a flashbang of superheated emotions that had caused pain, and then they'd reconciled a bit over it, let it drop away, and moved on. That's what he thought. So he kept everything sharp and painful buried inside and every time his brain tried to sort it out he cut himself on the edges. The fight was a beveled point, one that discomforted him but could be avoided.

The razor-sharp, barbed spears that tore him from the inside out were all concerning last month: old memories, his death, and then the healing that had hurt and terrified him...all of that was terrible and hard to deal with.]

I'll be okay.

[That's not an answer. Ryou knows it isn't, but how does he tell Atem that his mind is so congested with upsetting thoughts that even when he throws himself into building the board, cleaning the house, entertaining and caring for Tybolt...he can't find the time to allow himself to eat?

...It hadn't been on purpose at first.

When the first hunger pang reminded him that it'd been over half a day since his last meal, Ryou had been surprised, and gone to the fridge for something simple. There was a half-crepe he'd bought before the mid-month fog, the fruit soft and overripe, since he'd been gone so long. So he'd thrown it out and looked in the cabinets...and decided he didn't want anything. He wasn't in the mood to cook, or even open a can of something premade.]

It's better, right? We don't need to have all these extra groceries.

[They didn't have that many, though. The only groceries they had were the ones he'd bought as a child, because Ryou hadn't gone shopping since he'd come back. The only baking he'd done was for Mukuro, and it had been hard because he wanted to make a cupcake for himself, to eat something and solve the problem he was making for himself.

But he couldn't bring himself to. So he slept it off instead.]

I just need a break, that's all. And you've been bringing humans for me to consume anyway. Don't worry! I know it was jarring, I didn't expect this to last for so long, or interrupt what we were doing.

[When he says that, he turns back to Atem, and he's smiling, awkwardly. Placatingly, but with its own sort of surface honesty. Ryou doesn't want to hurt Atem's feelings, but he's also fighting with the fact that he's not eating for a stupid, personal reason that he doesn't want to bring up, because it's deeply personal and not important to anyone.]

Ryou.

[They're going to have this conversation with Atem half-on top of Ryou. That's fine. He doesn't mind. It makes it easier for Atem to take the side of Ryou's face, gently, and look deep into him.]

Why aren't you letting yourself have something you like?

[Ryslig's a marathon, not a sprint. _{(He's been sprinting it, or rather, running a marathon at a sprint's pace, since July.)} If you want to last there, and protect your heart, and keep your humanity, you have to find things that make you happy. _{(He's missed being around his friends, and he's unhappy about it.)} If you don't, you start to hate it. _{(He hates what this place has done to Ryou, and what it will do to Yugi.)} You get desperate. _{(He'd do anything to get them out.)}

Giving up something this simple, this easy, something that he's seen Ryou use to comfort himself before...that's a sign that something's much more wrong than Atem suspected. _{(Is he failing Ryou, too?)} So, he's going to reach for an answer.

His eyes flick over Ryou's face, caring, concerned. What's hurting? Is there something you feel bad about? Tell me.]

[Oh...

Ryou's heart feels like someone's got their fingers around it, squeezing so hard he can't think. Atem looking at him like that is almost too much, because Ryou knows he cares and he wants to tell him...but he's already hurt Atem so much just by being so unlucky, and then by spitting in his face over his efforts to make Ryou comfortable when he revived.

He can't...he can't tell him. But he can lean into that touch, while trying not to set his jaw and failing miserably.]

There's a lot on my mind, Atem. I just want to...I want to build the Monster World board, and not go outside or worry if someone's going to see what misfortune I've suffered and feel bad for me.

Please...I'm sorry, alright? This is something I chose to do, and I should have told you.

[He chose to make a void in himself so that the other void didn't consume him. Not that he could say that.]

It's nothing anyone made me do, or that anyone can help. As long as I'm eating souls, this discomfort will pass.

[He's not ready for it to. When it does...what'll be left for him to think about but the Ring pulsing painfully just below his skin? The jaws of a living beartrap closed around his head? The emptiness of sensory deprivation when you have no skull?

...The fear that he's going to push the people he cares about away because he's too much to bear? No one can help him. Not without being hurt first. He'd proven that by telling Atem off.

Never again.]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

IC Inbox | ryslig

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1/2 these poor bastards are doomed

2/2

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slaps a CW on this thread for disordered eating

aw shit you're right. cw disordered eating...plus depression

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