Maybe...the dream shifted. Maybe the you I was on the floor with was a dream. It felt...it felt very real though. But that was the point, wasn't it? Ha...
[He feels bad saying that. He feels bad that...for any reason at all, he might compare Atem to the dream.]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner. Instead I made you feel like you were secondary to a dream. I looked for options to sort out how I felt that wouldn't interfere with everything that you needed to do to try and...win the game.
But you have to know...the worst nightmare I could ever have night to night, one of the ones that woke me up terrified, was...the one where I'd try to be close to you, and you'd reject me so thoroughly that I'd need to leave. I would wake up afraid I wasn't in this apartment anymore, Atem. I wanted you to want me. But since that wasn't possible, the dreams...they didn't get better...
[He'd wake up thinking that his attraction had ruined even their friendship. Many more times he would dream of harming his friends, but anything where he harmed Atem always had him bolting upright, because it was so deeply harrowing to think that the past few months were undone by his stupid little crush.
He looks at the snakes, anything to keep his visual focus just slightly off of Atem's face, because admitting what he had was both hard, and something else he'd need to apologize for. Even his real dreams were unfortunate for Atem. But now that he'd let it out, it brings into attention how long he's dealt with it. He was just so lucky that his glowing eyes didn't really make it easy to see how sunken they'd become, but the tired circles were always there. They'd been there for a long time.
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[He feels bad saying that. He feels bad that...for any reason at all, he might compare Atem to the dream.]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner. Instead I made you feel like you were secondary to a dream. I looked for options to sort out how I felt that wouldn't interfere with everything that you needed to do to try and...win the game.
But you have to know...the worst nightmare I could ever have night to night, one of the ones that woke me up terrified, was...the one where I'd try to be close to you, and you'd reject me so thoroughly that I'd need to leave. I would wake up afraid I wasn't in this apartment anymore, Atem. I wanted you to want me. But since that wasn't possible, the dreams...they didn't get better...
[He'd wake up thinking that his attraction had ruined even their friendship. Many more times he would dream of harming his friends, but anything where he harmed Atem always had him bolting upright, because it was so deeply harrowing to think that the past few months were undone by his stupid little crush.
He looks at the snakes, anything to keep his visual focus just slightly off of Atem's face, because admitting what he had was both hard, and something else he'd need to apologize for. Even his real dreams were unfortunate for Atem. But now that he'd let it out, it brings into attention how long he's dealt with it. He was just so lucky that his glowing eyes didn't really make it easy to see how sunken they'd become, but the tired circles were always there. They'd been there for a long time.
It was no surprise he'd fallen into the rift.]