softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

why did you choose me?

as my vessel, you mean?

I didn't.

you were the first and only person, after thousands of years, to survive a possession attempt. knowing what I know now, my guess is that channeling two gods at once is simply beyond
well, pretty much everyone, and so you must have a terrifying amount of heka.

[ ...Aaaand... after that long long rant about whether he might somehow be "the real Ryou" he'ssss..... hesitant to say more. Also thinking too deeply about his own spiritual makeup and whether anything from it might have been born anew elsewhere is giving him a headache, as usual, so. ]

All I know is your soul didn't incinerate on contact with me.

[He might find the circumstance semi-interesting if he didn't feel so...fragmented, but Ryou just takes it as it is. It wasn't something done on purpose. It was something born of convenience.

He was just a really...very good container. He isn't assuaged by that as much as he thought, because the idea of being a crucible for bad things is pretty terrible.

...moving on.]

last one. this is the one that might make you angry.

are you punishing me? is this a penalty game, for going against you all the time? is that why I'm a shadow?

[He so wants the Ring-Spirit to say yes, and he's not sure why.]

what NO
fuck that STUPI

[ The Ring-Spirit has to stop there, force himself to respond calmly.

He is so, so pissed at that priest.

It results in a pause that Ryou might interpret as a bad sign... but the Ring-Spirit needs to - well, act calm, even if he can't stop feeling furious; he returns as quickly as he can manage. ]

you're right I'm angry, but it's not with you. it's that stupid priest. when I figure out a way to punish HIM that he won't just get off on

[ Wandering off-topic. ]

*nobody's* punishing you. not me, not even the fucking Fog.

[ ...Actually he should. probably be a bit more respectful than that.
Hm. Well, moving along for now. ]

look, that priest? absolute idiot. he's so deep in the lawful alignment he doesn't even realize it IS an alignment, he's sure that's ~Just How Shit Works~ for everyone everywhere and he's

[ Gah, getting off-topic again. ]

I'm NOT trying to defend the Fog here. she wouldn't disapprove of a single thing that bastard did, to you or anyone else. she's not kind, she's not nice. she's not a Good god. I don't begrudge anyone's hatred of her. she DOES pull some serious *shit*.

but she doesn't do any of it as part of some ~cosmic plan~ or ~carrying out of divine judgment~. she just. DOES. shit. she's a *CHAOS* god. you're not being punished, you're being

messed with.
for no reason. not a one.

[ He's aware that "no reason" isn't exactly uplifting. But he's certain it is the truth.

Reality sucks, landlord. ]

Edited 2021-04-01 04:48 (UTC)

[Under any normal circumstance, Ryou would probably discuss the fog in greater detail with the Ring-Spirit, out of sheer curiosity. All it does now though is stress him out. It's not smacking of the devotion Javert expressed, but it definitely does not help to hear the self-aggrandizing Ring-Spirit talk about the fog god like he might almost respect her.]

alright please let's not talk about the fucking fog.

[Oof. That f-bomb just slid out. He can't very well delet it.]

thank you for answering my questions. believe it or not...i know that i'm being unfair to you. i get it.

but just this once, i think that i should matte

[He terminates the sentence there, and it's only shaking fingers that send it before he can stop the tremors. Because verbalizing what he feels, his true selfishness, also doesn't help him feel better.]

i'm sorry. that's not right. it's selfish. ignore it.

the point i'm trying to make is that i don't like you all that much but i get that i'm being difficult. and i would prefer if this was a penalty game because then it would eventually end. maybe.

[He's silent...but not long enough for the Ring-Spirit to respond before he adds more to his rambling.]

i don't like being a monster. it's easier to believe this is a punishment after everything javert said, but i can't

i just can't figure out what i did to get here.

i can't figure out why i could have caused this and why i need to do something that i can barely stomach just to get by day to day. and i don't think i can ever feel right in my own head anymore? like i'm spread thin. even all you've said hasn't helped. i'm sorry for that.

[Brace yourself, this is the most emotionally vulnerable he will ever be towards you, Ring-Spirit. And this is after the whole swan thing too.]

[ ...Ok.

So, first of all. ]

rcfgx

[ Hopefully his punching the keyboard won't break the Ring-Spirit's laptop too much. ]

NO
you knock that shit OFF
STOP IT
yeah! being Ringu then NOT being Ringu sucked! a lot! but *NOT THIS BAD*
I am FINE you're NIY
NOT

[ ...yeah, just. really radiating "fine" here... ]

I WON'T *IGNORE* THAT

punishment, not punishment, what the fuck ever, but why
WHY
are you making this YOUR FAULT
unjust punishment happens all the fucking time!
you
i

[ What does he do with this? His cousin's being so -
...Right. Not cousins.

Just... think for a second here.

Ok, trying again. ]

being here sucks.

[ Not for the Ring-Spirit - Ryslig is probably the best thing that's ever happened to him - but this is sympathy time not honesty time. ]

things that happen here suck.

[ Sometimes also true for him. ]

being a monster sucks.

[ The Ring-Spirit could take or leave it. ]

this place sucks!

[ ...Not even remotely true for him... ]

I get it!

[ He's pretty sure that one's true though. He knows which parts to twist around, right? ]

we can't leave yet, and that sucks too!

[ The Ring-Spirit was always meant to be temporary. He's not looking forward to tearing himself back into his component-souls. He also tries to avoid thinking about that little detail, and he's real good at not thinking, so moving right along. ]

but you didn't DO anything to get here, your being here isn't your fault! isn't everything else bad enough without your trying to find *more* things, things that don't even exist, that make you feel worse?

that stupid priest does it because it *gets him off*, you're just fucking suffering.

[ ...Ringu. could do it with Noah. It'd been easy, even. So maybe that was over something else, this - but he's not Ringu!

...It's just a word. He says words all the time. But also...

Ok, determining factor, final decision here: is he more afraid to say a word than he is of what might happen if he doesn't. ]

please. just
haven't you suffered enough

I'm working on a way for us to leave. all this ending IS possible, and it WILL happen. it'll take time, but it will happen. there is an end.
please,

please

[ Great, he can use the word itself, but can't figure out a proper demand to tack on. This is stupid. ]

[Ever experienced input lag in real life? Ryou definitely is right now. Reading all of that has him absolutely physically buffering, and even when he thought that it might be done with, that he might cobble together some half-minded response, the Ring-Spirit kept going.

He was...really trying to get Ryou up out of his own head. He was trying very hard, and that translated to an awful lot of aggressive verbiage, but Ryou gets it. He understands that the spirit's coming at him from, lord help him, a good place. An attempt to be helpful??

But that makes it all the harder to deal with in a way. For now, Ryou retreats into what he knows. He shuts down.

He shuts down for a very long time, probably a worrying amount of time. But it's easier to just stare at the screen and not see anything for a length of time than to come back and try to figure out how it's your fault.

Because one thing is for certain. The Ring-Spirit is right. This...isn't Ryou's fault. He's overthinking it. Processing that is just difficult.

So...he doesn't immediately respond. He goes idle.]

When the cobwebs eventually clear, and Ryou comes back to the now, he comes to the realization that this can't keep going on. The Ring-Spirit is right that this isn't his fault.

Ryou Bakura exists not as the woodworker, but as the young man who recently graduated and shortly thereafter, got pulled into a hell-peninsula where he turned into that which he hated most. Being a Shade is miserable, and he will never resolve the guilt and self-hate that devouring others' souls causes him.

But...that is still him. One doesn't supersede the other. He will have to square with that.

So, he takes a deep, shuddering breath and begins to type. Slow and deliberate, but a little more normal.]

Maybe we can talk about what you meant about finding a way to leave later.

Right now I just need you to know that I'll be okay. I think you need to know that as much as I needed to know it. You've got a very aggressive way of getting your point across but it is noted. And I need you to know that I'm not sorry for how I felt, but...I am sorry for laying it all out on you.

I mean.

You know I compartmentalize better than that. But I guess I have limits.

[It took him a while to get his head on at least partly straight, but that sounds a little more normal. Not 100% back to Ryou, because if it was, he wouldn't be so subdued and conversational with the Ring-Spirit. But...you know. Shit happens.]

Thank you. I mean it.

[ Meanwhile, the Ring-Spirit's been empty-staring at his own screen the whole time. Disassociation buddies!

What the Ring-Spirit's stuck on is that he can't think of anything to complete the damn request - managing "please" and then just. blanking? Completely blanking? He not only feels like he's made a fool out of himself, but uselessly at that. And so he sits, a little chorus of "this is stupid" on endless repeat in his head.

He comes to suddenly, when there's a response onscreen, and - and oh god he has never felt so much relief before. He physically sags in front of his laptop, and. can't really do anything else, for a bit,

...Heh, it seems Ryou's "you needed to know it too" really was spot on the money. It's a few minutes before the Ring-Spirit feels put back together enough to reply. ]

you've got a point there.

[ He's still not sure what to be saying right now... After another (but shorter) pause, he adds: ]

can I see you sometime
not now
sometime

I can wear a paper bag or something, it's just the face right? I'm mostly a bird at this point.

[ .....Oh. ]

or I could just
be a swan again
that's less stupid

[ Why was his first thought a fuckin paper bag?? Aaaa,, ]

You don't have to do either.

[Ryou has decided that for all of the grief he'd unleashed on the Ring-Spirit, he was going to very much ignore the silly thought of him putting a bag on his head. After all, the bag wouldn't fit. Not with the heron crest. He's...pretty sure those feathers were heron feathers.

...But it occurs to him he's never asked. Well. He's never really felt comfortable around the Ring-Spirit to be fair. Right now though, in a state of general catharsis, he's tolerant and honestly grateful.]

There's not any rush if you don't want but I think I'd be okay with seeing you. We probably ought to talk through some things regarding um.

That week?

[Slam dunk right into more awkward situations, Ryou.]

[ Yes lets move on right past that stupid stupid bag suggestion,,, lets pretend that just didn't happen,,

...Ryou's ok with seeing him sooner? ]

I do want if it's not a problem.

"that week"? gonna have to narrow that one down a lot more. *which* "that week"?

[ Been a few of those from the Ring-Spirit's perspective! ]

When works for you?

and uh.

The week where we were, you know.

cousins.

[Okay, alright. He's not totally better yet. There goes the proper writing again. To be fair to Ryou though, he's not really over the alternate universe stuff.]

[ Hm, they're still on that one then. The Ring-Spirit isn't sure what they need to talk about at this point, so... he should try to word things carefully until he has a better idea of what the problem is. ]

alright. that's more of an in-person conversation, yeah.

honestly, the sooner the better for me. sometime tonight would be best. you have a preference for where? I can't give you a more specific time without knowing where I'm headed.

Edited (html nooooo) 2021-04-06 05:22 (UTC)

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

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