Ryou Bakura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
softspokenlandlord) wrote2020-11-18 01:10 am
softspokenlandlord) wrote2020-11-18 01:10 am
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ryslig
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 *** WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard> I will get back to you as soon as possible. | ||||
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The unexplained burn scars draw his eye as well, and he can't help but wonder if Atem got whoever's responsible for that yet. He sincerely doubts it's from an accident... It's not relevant to the reason he's here though, and Ryou wants the door shut (no doubt to avoid anyone else getting to see all the scars, he'd said he always covers them) - so the Ring-Spirit nods stiffly and steps inside, quickly moving out of the way: lets get that door closed.
He starts talking as soon as Ryou has shut the door, words clipped and rapid-fire. He needs to be understood, and he knows he's going to stumble over phrasing - he has to at least speak clearly, and get the (first? main?) apology said before anything else happens. ]
I'm here to apologize, not for losing my shit - I mean, that's, I apologize for that too, but that's not - the soul thing. You're right, I do "throw it in your face", all the time, and I need to stop. It's - it still hurts but I shouldn't take that out on you. I deserve it hurting. And - it'd hurt less if I didn't know it's my own fault. I backed you into that corner, and you shouldn't - I regret that, I hate that I did that, and I fucking apologize for using it against you. I keep - I'm sorry.
[ He forces himself to stop there. He had to get it said, but he's not here to talk over Ryou. Whatever else he needs to apologize for, to stop doing, to understand - he's here for Ryou, so what Ryou wants is what matters.
So he waits for feedback, a response. He stands tense as a bowstring, arms crossed and weird birdfoot-hands with a death-grip on his elbows. He has to do this, and he has to do it RIGHT. ]
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Sometimes he fails in that, and it frustrates Ryou. Bu this is surprisingly lucid.
So he just stands there, clasping his hands to his chest and trying to make sense of it all. The Ring-Spirit is right, yes. He does throw the soul thing in Ryou's face a lot, and it stings, and he gets it. He's saying he gets why.
By the time that the spirit's done speaking, Ryou's ears are angled downward, and his hands have fallen to his sides. He's not sure what to do with himself. He's not certain what he should be saying.]
We...we can't rewrite the past, you know. Whatever we've done to each other, it's not going away. Those things...they're deep cuts too. Deeper than the surface. But I...you...
[He trails off, hesitates. No. No, he can't hesitate, he has to be firm. So he steps forward, and although his height should be imposing, it's really not. He still looks...small somehow.]
The wounds won't knit...if we keep ripping them open. You don't like that you did that to me, and I can't tell you I forgive you for it either. Likewise, I can't make you forgive me for something I did in desperation that caused you pain. B-but...I still want to accept your apology in some way.
...I don't...I don't know if you saw anything else I said, but you are important to me. You spent a lot of time here.
[Ryou's hand raises, presses to his own chest. He could have pointed to his head, because that's where they spoke...but he doesn't. He motions to his heart.]
1/2
He doesn't expect Ryou to forgive him, that wasn't - and Ryou thinks he needs to be forgiven by the Ring-Spirit? For... for the pain the Ring-Spirit feels? But if Ryou cares about that...
The Ring-Spirit's eyes follow the motion as Ryou indicates his own heart. Ryou's saying the Ring-Spirit is important to him, to his own heart... and saying they can't keep ripping open the wounds, but...
If Ryou cares about - ]
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[ It comes out as a dispirited whisper. He can't figure out what Ryou could be saying except that the Ring-Spirit's feelings matter to him, but he's not hearing any "so I won't use you to break myself again" either. He can't tell if somehow Ryou doesn't see the problem, or if only one of their hearts is allowed to matter.
The Ring-Spirit's still tense, but now also huddling into his wings, his head sinking low on his too-long neck. ]
no subject
...I have already taken death into myself, by accident and under the limitations of my powers before I bought this augment. I'm not interested in doing that again, and I can't promise you I wouldn't take any of your pain, because...
[Ryou draws closer, puts a hand on the Ring-Spirit's feathery shoulder.]
...because then I'd be lying to you. I'm not interested in lying to you, but you have to trust me that I won't take it too far unless...I really face no choice. I'm not going to take your death on, if that's what you're scared of.
But you have to trust me. Don't try and take care of me. Please...not like this. I just want...I want my freedom.
A-and I'm really, really sorry, Spirit. This is just...it's the way the game is played.
[Ryou's fingers curl, gripping the Ring-Spirit's shoulder tightly, but it's more out of anxiety than anything. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's waiting to be yelled at, and it shows in the way he can't maintain eye contact anymore, the hunch of his shoulders and the droop in his ears.]
1/?
Their relationship is one built on hurt and steeped in it - neither of them can change those facts. To have a genuine bond, they both have to accept that for what it is. They can't change the past, only adjust their behavior for the future...
It still feels like he's being told only one heart truly matters here, but the Ring-Spirit bitterly suspects that's only the same thing Ryou heard back in June. When it's presented in terms of Ryou's freedom... and desire to not be lying to the Ring-Spirit, simply telling him what he'd like to hear rather than the truth... As painful as it is for him, there's nothing the Ring-Spirit could bear to oppose, either. ]
2/?
The Ring-Spirit gives a shuddering sigh, and presses his head to Ryou's chest. He listens to his former landlord's heart beat for a few moments, having to work up the will to speak again.
...He'd come prepared to swallow back any hurt of his own anyway - he. just. has to do that, is all. Ryou had managed to catch him off-guard, set him off-balance, that's all. Like any other good sucker punch. ]
Can... can you promise to keep in mind that you and I weight "the wellbeing of Ryou Bakura" and "the wellbeing of the Spirit of the Ring" very differently? If you can't, or won't, I-I'll accept that, but... it'd... tch, nevermind, j-just forget it.
[ He only manages to get partway through asking for a smaller concession before he loses the nerve for it. He shouldn't be asking for things, that's - that's not why he's here. ]
3/3 [done, yes]
I don't abandon my family. I have to trust you. And I'll become something you can trust.
[ How? Fuck if he knows! But it's happening!! ]
no subject
He really does care about the Ring-Spirit, even after all that had happened between them. Even though Ryou had scars that went past the physical...even though he was still scared of the spirit, deep down...he wanted to care. He needed to care, especially here in Ryslig.]
...I understand...that we don't see eye to eye on our inherent values.
[The Ring-Spirit said never mind, but Ryou decided he would mind it.]
But I, too, have my reasons for putting such a value in you, and I wouldn't hesitate to help you, no matter what. I'm sorry...your wellbeing is important to me. I'll just have to remember that mine is important to you as well.
[He smiles...but it trembles whenever the spirit says he doesn't abandon his family, because...because Ryou has been abandoned before, hasn't he? He thinks back to September, to being a child and being so scared of his father because the only thing he cared about was the Millennium Ring. He remembers a lot of things, things he repressed. Things that hurt. Some of them Aigami--Diva--brought up. Some of them were brought up because of September. All of them hurt.
But somehow, even though the Ring-Spirit was the cause of that pain, hearing him say he wouldn't abandon Ryou, and that he'd trust him...it makes him wrap his arms around the harpy and hold him close, to bury his head in the spirit's feathery hair.
Being tall has advantages.]
I know...i-it won't ever be perfect. But that's all I want. H-here...where we can be equals...right?
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Shit, Ryou's waiting on a response, isn't he - the Ring-Spirit shakily nods in assent, head still against Ryou's chest. Huddling there instead of into his wings. ]
R-right... yes.
[ ...Wait, his wings don't have talons, they're soft - he wraps them around his former landlord, holding him close too. ]
...Thank you.
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I'm glad you came here...I don't know whether I would have...e-ever reached out. I'm scared to...but it's not because of you, it's me, it's me...
[He's rambling, aimless feelings that he hasn't spoken about at all, things that only they would both know.]