softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

[Ryou looks almost...guilty at that point. He hadn't meant to tell the other Yugi about this, not until they'd perhaps gotten a bit more comfortable together. Ryou carries his uncertainties with him even now, and that has nothing to do with his muddled memories. It has everything to do with his second-hand knowledge of who he still called friend, despite his exclusion from the memory world.

To put it simply...it wasn't his place to bring it up.

It didn't mean that his knowledge existed in a vacuum though. He was there for the duel between Yugi and his longtime partner. He knew...and maybe he should have been more tactful after all.]

I knew you existed as an individual. We are friends, but I didn't want to press myself upon you, since I knew that you didn't really remember me. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset. Your connections with the others--Yugi, Jonouchi, Anzu, Honda--those are your strongest bonds! That's why they stayed with you in February! It wasn't...my place, you see?

And...

Well, I thought you had quite enough to deal with, being here and all.

[His mind's a little blown, that someone else knew there was another heart inside of Yugi, someone from his future who he doesn't remember. Noa suspected, but that was because Noa datamined his memories. He wasn't...told. Or shown.

He feels a little exposed, a little more seen than he thought he was before, and to someone very used to controlling what's known about him, it's a little frightening! But also...

...comforting? That he's known. That Bakura knew he was there, and they were still friends. Bakura is someone he chose to be friends with, and that means...there's trust.

What he's feeling is new, but bone-deep, trust. There's a queer thrill to it, like stepping out onto an invisible bridge, or reaching into a box you can't see into.]

If you knew about me, then we must have been close friends after all!

...

I'm glad.

The only other person who knows I'm...not the only one who's called Yugi...is Noa. He saw us, but he doesn't understand. Not really. He doesn't know...how hard it is to be separated...to suddenly be alone in your heart, for the first time you can remember...

[Ryou had a harder relationship with his...spirit? Is that what beings like him are called? --than Yugi and the other Yugi did. But he mentioned that it was hard on him for them to be apart, even if it had often been bad when they were together...

So, if anyone's going to understand how terribly alone he feels, it's Ryou. If anyone's going to recognize the hollow loneliness that creeps into the other Yugi's voice, it's him. He realized he couldn't trade places with his other self while Jounouchi was here, in February, and that had made it a little easier, and then all of his friends had become a part of him, and even if that had been painful, it had made him feel less incomplete for a while.

But they didn't stay. And here he is, alone in a body that's not even his, that's dead. It's a little sick, isn't it, that he's puppeteering Yugi's dead body, without him? That's how he feels, when there's nothing to ground him in his own flesh. If he's not Yugi, then he's a ghost in someone else's machine.

It must be hard for Ryou, too. To go from being the one the body belonged to....to being the ghost.]

Edited 2021-04-22 14:31 (UTC)

[Ryou finds that the other Yugi's insistence that they were close friends brings a warmth swelling within him that he can't push away. The more it's said and the more he accepts it, the more Ryou wants to hear it more. He always stood to the side just a little more than the others. He always spun the dark perspective that they didn't want to hear. It was, of course, his way of being there, even if it seemed nonconducive.

But he still cared, and being seen was so validating that he's...pretty sure he's going to get emotional over it. No, he can't. He'd opened this can of worms, it was time to own it.]

...Being alone in your head after always having someone there, for better or worse, is always very jarring. You wonder if a part of you is missing, or if that part represented something more important than you will ever be.

[He is...probably projecting but he doesn't realize. He doesn't know how hard he is on himself, being the shadow and not the caster of such. It had always been in his mind, of course. But being in Ryslig had made it a little too real.]

I wish Yugi was here, so that you didn't have to be alone. But rest assured that he doesn't define you. Maybe in time you may learn more about yourself in this place than you already have. And if you have any questions, then I'm here, alright? You can ask now, or later, and I'll tell you what I can. It's the least I can do after you've helped me figure things out.

[The other Yugi nods at that first part, understanding.

He does feel like Yugi is more important than he'll ever be. When the other Yugi awoke, he knew what he was alive for, what he was here to do, and that was to protect Yugi and what he cared about.

He'd been happy, when he was able to do that.

But, now, he's not even Yugi. He's something else, and it's only the acceptance he felt during Death-T that keeps him from feeling like an interloper.

Does he want to know about himself...?

He's honestly not sure. Adam's memories are still pressing close on his mind, interfering with his sense of self...how many 'him's is he going to end up with?

So, the other Yugi asks the practical question:]

How much do you know? About me.

[Ryou's eyes flick up to lock on the other Yugi's. He's uncertain still, how far to take this. He doesn't want his knowledge to hurt his friend.]

I know whatever the others told me after exploring your memory world and helping you to regain your name, but...I wasn't there for that. Because of it though, I do know your name.

[He's still extremely distraught that he was used, once again, to harm his friends, but this isn't the time to think about that. It wasn't a time to wonder whether maybe if Bobasa had just let him in, things wouldn't have gone differently since he wouldn't have been possessed one final time...]

M-my name...?

[He has a name.

He has a name, and it's not "Yugi". If the other Yugi still had a heartbeat, it'd be thrumming in his ears. As it is, he just feels dizzy. He's glad he's sitting down! The prospect of being named, named as someone not-Yugi, feels...

It feels big, and he's not certain why. Can't put his finger on it.

It must be because he's still wound up, from the confrontation with Daniel. The difference between Adam and the Yugi of darkness who punished the man who'd tortured and killed him is uncomfortable, like two puzzle pieces that don't quite fit together. His mind feels like a live wire, raw and exposed. Does he want to know more? Does he want to know now? If he doesn't hear about it now, will he miss his chance to learn it if Ryou, god forbid, disappears?

....while he doesn't want Ryou to go anywhere, the other Yugi, very guiltily, wouldn't mind not having to know more about what makes him distinct from Yugi Mutou. He doesn't want to be distinct. He liked being Yugi.

But as long as Ryou's here, the other Yugi can't turn his back on the truth. He can't pretend he never found this out. So, he chooses his next question carefully, to assuage at least one of the worries the conversation with Noa had left him with. He raises his eyes to Ryou's.]

...if I am not Yugi, then what am I?

[This is something Ryou can finally do to help. Properly, since despite not being as intertwined in the other Yugi's memories as his other friends, he still had something going for him.

It was inevitable that he would seek the information out for himself. And it was equally inevitable that his friends would tell him, even after the evil that had nested itself so deeply into him, burying in like a tick and puppeteering him one last time in an attempt to erase the other Yugi and bring about the darkness once more.

So...Ryou knows everything. Ryou can tell the other Yugi what he wants.]

You're the Nameless Pharaoh. You sealed away the ultimate darkness to help your people.

What's important about you is still a part of you even if you don't remember it. You create bonds with others and you see both sides of them, best and worst. And you do things that punish evil.

[He pauses, to allow that to sink in, because it's a lot.]

Then I'm some kind of ghost...?

[That's what it sounds like. The ghost of a pharaoh, who sealed darkness away...

...someone who definitively isn't Yugi Mutou.

God, thinking that feels so lonely. But Ryou's description doesn't feel off: seeing the best, and the worst, and punishing evil...the only part he's not sure about is forming bonds with others. Hah. That's Yugi's specialty -- he makes such good friends, because he's always ready to trust someone new, always eager to play, always prepared to step in for someone who needs help...

The other Yugi picks the de-powered Puzzle up by its cord and looks at it. If there's any vehicle for how the pharaoh's ghost came to possess the Japanese teenager, it's got to be this.]

I must have been in here a really long time, to have forgotten everything.

[It's easier to be a little bit sassy about it than to sink into loneliness.]

I suppose you are a ghost, and you were in there a long time, but I don't think that's why you forgot.

[He looks at the puzzle, staying quiet for a while. He feels...uncomfortable the more he talks about this. It's not really his place, is it? A lot of things aren't his place, but he's the only one here to tell the story, isn't he? The Ring-Spirit has reasons to hate the other Yugi. Ryou doesn't believe he's a good vehicle for telling the pharaoh his own story.

Though to be fair, he's not entirely sure of the other Yugi and the Ring-Spirit's current relationship. In the alternate world, they had been friends, that much he knew. Did that...really extend here?

Ryou can't find himself to believe that. But...that's neither here nor there, is it? It's not his business.]

Are you going to be alright? Knowing this kind of thing can be a lot to take in, and I hope my insensitivity hasn't troubled you.

[Seriously, he should have probably kept that whole "I know you're not Yugi" thing to himself. But coming off his little nervous breakdown there had definitely messed him up.]

It's certainly not a trivial fact!

[He is upset about it. He's got it together, he's not, like, losing his temper or his composure, but...

But it feels like a part of himself is lost. Something's been taken away, something he wasn't ready to let go of. He can't look away from the truth, shutting his eyes to it is foolish, but...!

He doesn't want to be the Nameless Pharaoh. He wants to be a part of Yugi, a strong part that can protect him and his friends from anything bad. He wants to be there for them, no matter what! He doesn't feel complete like this; he feels adrift.

Thank god Ryslig is a shadow game, and he has something to focus on, a goal. If he didn't, and he were just here, with an empty heart and no hope...he doesn't know what he'd do. But finding his way to the end, discovering the win condition...that's his anchor.]

Do you think it'd be okay if I went by "Yugi" a little longer?

I'm not ready to let go of that, yet. Even if I have a different name...I want to keep being "another Yugi," for now.

[Ryou doesn't hesitate.]

Of course. I will call you by whatever name you prefer. Not only is that how you're known here, but that is your choice and I respect it.

[He so badly wishes that he could do more than that, simply respecting boundaries doesn't feel like enough when you created the need to make boundaries in the first place.]

If you want, we can talk about something else. Do something else. Today was...quite a lot to deal with, and I'm sure there's less complicated things we could discuss.

No haunted board games though.

[Haha funny throwback joke? He's at least trying to make it less, uh. Rough.]

[Funny throwback joke?

Totally works.

The other Yugi brightens, lets out a real chuckle. The serious mood fades back, and the loneliness eases up; after all, he's got a friend right here in front of him, doesn't he?]

No -- one successful board game haunting was quite enough for me. But something else could be fun!

[Although, since Ryou's willing to make throwback jokes...]

While we're on the subject of names, though -- are you and I familiar enough for me to call you Ryou? I won't if it'd bother you, of course! But it feels like that's what I'm used to.

[Oh.

Ryou's used to people calling him by his first name here in Ryslig, he knows he's not living in Japan anymore and he's traveled before, enough to be comfortable with any form of address as it's needed.

But...the other Yugi wanting his permission to refer to him with familiarity is. It's...

Look, he's generally always been Bakura to his friends. It made everything confusing because the Ring-Spirit was also Bakura, save for here. Hell, he doesn't even realize how deep the Baku-rabbit hole goes.

To put it simply...Ryou is actually kind of content--pleased, even--that he can be that familiar with the other Yugi. Maybe something good did come out of this whole alternate world situation.

Suffice it to say he looks pretty happy when he answers. His ears even look like they're slightly wiggling, but he doesn't notice that.]

Yes, of course. I'd be perfectly fine with you using my first name.

[Perfectly fine more like PERFECTLY HAPPY! Fuck the haunted Ouija board, this is so much cooler.]

[He smiles. Okay! Okay, good.]

All right, then.

Well, Ryou, I'm afraid I don't have much more here than a deck of cards and some dice, but if you'd like to play something ordinary, and not-haunted...

[He's down if you're down. He's learned all of Ryslig's native card games, thanks to the other-world. They both know them!]

IC Inbox | ryslig

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cw some real weird body dysphoria

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.