softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

i can't look at you because

you

look like me

and i don't know what to do anymore when i

don't

know which of me is the real one. is it you? you were here first

is it the ryou that ran that shop? he's much better off right, even though my parents are all dead and so is my sister

is it the me that never remembered where i was or why i was bleeding

is it the me who picked up the ring to give to my father so i could make him happy even after i saw what it did

is it the me that i thought i knew?

which me is me? who is me? am i even the right me, or am i the bad me that doesn't belong?

you tell me. because i have spent a long time trying to figure it out and

i don't KNOw

[So he's doing...subpar.]

[ ...Oh.

Fuck.

Worse than anticipated.

Fuck, ]

[ As the words keep going, all the Ring-Spirit can think is that Ryou's doing much worse than he'd been doing - much much worse. Fuck fuck fuck, what does he do?

He clearly should have stopped looking and tried contacting sooner. ...Actually his typing hadn't been readable before, so... shit, this is a mess. ]

[ All he can think to do is. go down the questions and answer them, calmly.

The calm should come easily enough with how numb he feels - that or he's...

afraid.

This is what gal-axy was talking about on the network before. A fear that keeps you going, because if you stop - you can't/i> stop, you're much more afraid of what might happen if you stop. ]

I'm not you. I only look like you because I don't have a face of my own. I'm a thief. I stole your face. it's hard for me to imitate you for long. even with the practice I have, I can't maintain the act for long. we're very different people.

the Ryou with the shop has a cousin. do

[ ...He wants to ask.

"do you have a cousin"

"do you want a cousin"

The Ring-Spirit wants to be Ringu. Wants to ask permission - but that's not how it works. He isn't Ringu. He's not sure who or what he is, and Ringu never had a reason to wonder - he was just Ringu. ]

I'm not Ringu. even if you wanted a Ringu, he's not here. you could start your own shop, but you aren't the Ryou with the shop and the asshole cousin.

the Ryou who lost time and woke up bleeding is you.
the Ryou who picked up the Ring is you.

[ He though Ryou'd blocked that off, honestly... Did something pull it back out, or can Ryou just not compartmentalize properly, what the - keep going. ]

the Ryou who fucking blew up his own soul for people he'd known for what, two days? that's you.

I don't know why you think there's a "right Ryou" and a "wrong Ryou". I don't understand the question so I can't answer it.

[ Did any of that help? He has no idea. He doesn't know how to help. He doesn't know what to do. ]

[It takes a very long time for Ryou to answer back to that. Just belting out his problems had been hard enough and he'd cycled through simply shutting down and then coming back to reality and just...

Crying. It's not dignified and no one can see him because he's back in his little apartment curled up into a shadow ball, but he wouldn't want anyone to see him anyway.

It feels like an eternity, perhaps, before he gets back to messaging the Ring-Spirit at all, and he did consider not doing so. It's...so much easier to just write it all off as lies and mind-games, right?

But he does respond. Probably after half an hour of breaking down, but he doesn't feel that time.]

because i'm here, aren't i?

instead of home, i'm here. i'm a creature of shadows that devours souls. it's the worst possible outcome for me and no one even understands why.

so this is my reality. a reality of punishment.

that shop became my reality too, but.

i don't

know

okay? i want someone to prove all of this to me and no one can. you can't. yugi can't. the yugi that's here. he can't.

[There's another pause, but this one isn't long enough for the Ring-Spirit to think and respond to.]

i need to ask you two questions. please. even if it makes you angry with me.

[ "Punishment"

The Ring-Spirit is so pissed at that stupid priest.

Super not the time for it though. ]

ask.

why did you choose me?

as my vessel, you mean?

I didn't.

you were the first and only person, after thousands of years, to survive a possession attempt. knowing what I know now, my guess is that channeling two gods at once is simply beyond
well, pretty much everyone, and so you must have a terrifying amount of heka.

[ ...Aaaand... after that long long rant about whether he might somehow be "the real Ryou" he'ssss..... hesitant to say more. Also thinking too deeply about his own spiritual makeup and whether anything from it might have been born anew elsewhere is giving him a headache, as usual, so. ]

All I know is your soul didn't incinerate on contact with me.

[He might find the circumstance semi-interesting if he didn't feel so...fragmented, but Ryou just takes it as it is. It wasn't something done on purpose. It was something born of convenience.

He was just a really...very good container. He isn't assuaged by that as much as he thought, because the idea of being a crucible for bad things is pretty terrible.

...moving on.]

last one. this is the one that might make you angry.

are you punishing me? is this a penalty game, for going against you all the time? is that why I'm a shadow?

[He so wants the Ring-Spirit to say yes, and he's not sure why.]

what NO
fuck that STUPI

[ The Ring-Spirit has to stop there, force himself to respond calmly.

He is so, so pissed at that priest.

It results in a pause that Ryou might interpret as a bad sign... but the Ring-Spirit needs to - well, act calm, even if he can't stop feeling furious; he returns as quickly as he can manage. ]

you're right I'm angry, but it's not with you. it's that stupid priest. when I figure out a way to punish HIM that he won't just get off on

[ Wandering off-topic. ]

*nobody's* punishing you. not me, not even the fucking Fog.

[ ...Actually he should. probably be a bit more respectful than that.
Hm. Well, moving along for now. ]

look, that priest? absolute idiot. he's so deep in the lawful alignment he doesn't even realize it IS an alignment, he's sure that's ~Just How Shit Works~ for everyone everywhere and he's

[ Gah, getting off-topic again. ]

I'm NOT trying to defend the Fog here. she wouldn't disapprove of a single thing that bastard did, to you or anyone else. she's not kind, she's not nice. she's not a Good god. I don't begrudge anyone's hatred of her. she DOES pull some serious *shit*.

but she doesn't do any of it as part of some ~cosmic plan~ or ~carrying out of divine judgment~. she just. DOES. shit. she's a *CHAOS* god. you're not being punished, you're being

messed with.
for no reason. not a one.

[ He's aware that "no reason" isn't exactly uplifting. But he's certain it is the truth.

Reality sucks, landlord. ]

Edited 2021-04-01 04:48 (UTC)

[Under any normal circumstance, Ryou would probably discuss the fog in greater detail with the Ring-Spirit, out of sheer curiosity. All it does now though is stress him out. It's not smacking of the devotion Javert expressed, but it definitely does not help to hear the self-aggrandizing Ring-Spirit talk about the fog god like he might almost respect her.]

alright please let's not talk about the fucking fog.

[Oof. That f-bomb just slid out. He can't very well delet it.]

thank you for answering my questions. believe it or not...i know that i'm being unfair to you. i get it.

but just this once, i think that i should matte

[He terminates the sentence there, and it's only shaking fingers that send it before he can stop the tremors. Because verbalizing what he feels, his true selfishness, also doesn't help him feel better.]

i'm sorry. that's not right. it's selfish. ignore it.

the point i'm trying to make is that i don't like you all that much but i get that i'm being difficult. and i would prefer if this was a penalty game because then it would eventually end. maybe.

[He's silent...but not long enough for the Ring-Spirit to respond before he adds more to his rambling.]

i don't like being a monster. it's easier to believe this is a punishment after everything javert said, but i can't

i just can't figure out what i did to get here.

i can't figure out why i could have caused this and why i need to do something that i can barely stomach just to get by day to day. and i don't think i can ever feel right in my own head anymore? like i'm spread thin. even all you've said hasn't helped. i'm sorry for that.

[Brace yourself, this is the most emotionally vulnerable he will ever be towards you, Ring-Spirit. And this is after the whole swan thing too.]

[ ...Ok.

So, first of all. ]

rcfgx

[ Hopefully his punching the keyboard won't break the Ring-Spirit's laptop too much. ]

NO
you knock that shit OFF
STOP IT
yeah! being Ringu then NOT being Ringu sucked! a lot! but *NOT THIS BAD*
I am FINE you're NIY
NOT

[ ...yeah, just. really radiating "fine" here... ]

I WON'T *IGNORE* THAT

punishment, not punishment, what the fuck ever, but why
WHY
are you making this YOUR FAULT
unjust punishment happens all the fucking time!
you
i

[ What does he do with this? His cousin's being so -
...Right. Not cousins.

Just... think for a second here.

Ok, trying again. ]

being here sucks.

[ Not for the Ring-Spirit - Ryslig is probably the best thing that's ever happened to him - but this is sympathy time not honesty time. ]

things that happen here suck.

[ Sometimes also true for him. ]

being a monster sucks.

[ The Ring-Spirit could take or leave it. ]

this place sucks!

[ ...Not even remotely true for him... ]

I get it!

[ He's pretty sure that one's true though. He knows which parts to twist around, right? ]

we can't leave yet, and that sucks too!

[ The Ring-Spirit was always meant to be temporary. He's not looking forward to tearing himself back into his component-souls. He also tries to avoid thinking about that little detail, and he's real good at not thinking, so moving right along. ]

but you didn't DO anything to get here, your being here isn't your fault! isn't everything else bad enough without your trying to find *more* things, things that don't even exist, that make you feel worse?

that stupid priest does it because it *gets him off*, you're just fucking suffering.

[ ...Ringu. could do it with Noah. It'd been easy, even. So maybe that was over something else, this - but he's not Ringu!

...It's just a word. He says words all the time. But also...

Ok, determining factor, final decision here: is he more afraid to say a word than he is of what might happen if he doesn't. ]

please. just
haven't you suffered enough

I'm working on a way for us to leave. all this ending IS possible, and it WILL happen. it'll take time, but it will happen. there is an end.
please,

please

[ Great, he can use the word itself, but can't figure out a proper demand to tack on. This is stupid. ]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

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