softspokenlandlord: (Default)
Ryou Bakura ([personal profile] softspokenlandlord) wrote2020-11-18 01:10 am

IC Inbox | [community profile] ryslig

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard.

FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19

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<WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura!
<WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :)
<WhiteWizard> I will get back to you as soon as possible.
knifemonopoly: (don't remember what you're asking for)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-13 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
[That....

...

...that...makes a lot of sense. Ryou hits precisely the right notes, going from logic to acknowledgment of cold reality to reminding him that he does have friends to lean on, and that that's a source of strength.

The other Yugi doesn't think of himself as getting tired. That's something that happens to other people. But he's also used to being able to share the load of being a living person with someone else and only coming out to take care of the battles. He can't tag out and rest anymore, and he....hasn't thought of himself as needing to. But, of course, of course that'll happen, right? He'll be less effective if he's exhausted.

And he is tired. He has been working, and working alone, and it's...it's always nice to be reminded that he isn't. That's one of his favorite feelings in the world -- when he realizes there are other people by his side, who will fight with him. The Millennium Puzzle's power is unity; that means he's strongest when he's not alone.

He shuts his eyes, huffs a breath, and gives a tiny I've-been-an-idiot smile. Then, the other Yugi looks back up.
]

Of course.

Of course we're friends, Bakura!

[it was silly, very silly of him to not count on that sooner.]

You're right -- if I spend all my time preparing for the worst, I'll be too tired to fight. I've still got things I want to do, but...they don't all have to happen right now.

And I don't have to do it alone. I know I can count on you.

[The next part kind of slips out, without him meaning for it to.]

Heh...I guess I'll have to figure out how to rest for myself...

[aw, shit. oops! that's a very weird way to put it when you are definitely a whole person and not a fragment of someone's soul / something that was in the puzzle]

Sorry! I know that's a weird thing to say, but it's the truth. I don't know...how I decompress. I've never had to!

[He totally thinks Bakura doesn't know about there being two Yugis. He figures the guy won't ask.]
knifemonopoly: (do you ponder the manner of things)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-17 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[lmao fat chance of ignoring that. He half-rises out of his chair, concerned and alarmed.]

Bakura? Bakura!

What is it?

[Protectiveness creeps into that alarm, a fierce willingness to get involved in this.]

Someone hasn't hurt you, have they?

[Is there an ass he has to kick? That's the most pressing question on the other Yugi's mind -- because obviously, if someone's traumatized, it's someone else's fault, it's because something happened. Bakura's been on-edge, reluctant to respond, difficult to get hold of, and when the other Yugi filters that through his own experiences, it makes him fear that someone's done something terrible to Ryou, like how something terrible was done to him.]
knifemonopoly: (they got the money on a bet)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-17 08:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[...he stares. Waking up, and not knowing what happened..."someone else wearing my face"...

Those blackouts sound familiar.

It's his own hands that move closer, this time, across the table. The other Yugi sincerely does not care if that shadowy aura's dangerous. He's gonna get up in Ryou's space a little anyways, fully on his feet now.

The other Yugi doesn't consider what he did to be "causing trouble." He'd taken care of trouble! But even so, he remembers how frightened his other self had been...how scared he'd been of the blackouts, of his new friends leaving him when they found out, how he'd tried to hold the other Yugi back because he was scared of him...that had been difficult enough.

Ryou coming back to himself with the people around him angry instead of safe? The other Yugi can't even imagine living like that. That would have been terrible. To have not a friend in your heart, but an enemy...that kind of thing would definitely make someone look at him with the kind of fear the other Yugi's seeing.

With sympathy, and more gentleness than he's shown up till now:
]

...having to live with someone else in your head, who caused trouble for you that you couldn't remember...that must have been hard, Bakura.

[Even though he's coming at it from the other side...he remembers Yugi's feelings. He's sympathetic to this.]

And it's even harder that some people here met him first, so they assume that appearance is him, not you. But that doesn't make him deserving of it. It's not a matter of deserving to be the one who looks like you because he ended up in Bavan first. Your face is your face.

[My face isn't my face. That feels true. This is Yugi's face. And if he's not Yugi...if he's something that came out of the Puzzle...then... He pushes that away.]

You've had to fight to have an identity here, haven't you? And another you around has made that harder. Harder to be you, separate from him.

[And because of that...Ryou's had trouble not just fading into the background. He feels like someone else already has his life, and he's not confident enough to reach out and take it back -- to fight for being Ryou, not the other Ryou. To fight the idea that only one of them gets to live life as them at a time.

...yeah okay he's definitely going to get in Ryou's space here, look right at him, directly in the glowing eyes.
]

But I can see you. Right? I know you're here! You're someone who writes to his family, who puts other people before himself, and who's gonna put together a TTRPG table with me. You might have memories from other lives, and it's true that those might affect the way you feel about some things. But that's okay!

Those memories are a part of you. Not all of you -- but a piece. Things don't have to be "real" to be a part of us. Our dreams, the things we want, the things we dread...those aren't "real," they never happened. But they matter! They affect who we are, and what we do, and we're not less "us" because we have them.

It sounds like you could use a hand figuring out the rest, though. You want the part of you that's not dreams or fears, the part that's Ryou Bakura, to be stronger, don't you? Harder to push into the background, harder to overshadow.
knifemonopoly: (they sing and dance oh ey oh)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-18 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
[The other Yugi might not know who, or what, he is. His memories might come from other-hims that aren't the same as the him he is right now. But one of the things he wants to be is someone who's there for his friends. He wants to protect their hearts.

He looks at Ryou with sympathy, when he mentions the circus -- going mad, hurting others...that must have been terrible, too.

(At this point he still doesn't know Javert's in prison for the circus thing!)
]

...I think we both needed someone to talk to.

[Because even though he was trying to get Ryou to tell him what was wrong...the other Yugi needed to hear the advice he got, too.

He wonders about it when Ryou says how hard it is to be separated. How close is what Ryou experienced to...to how he used to live?
]

I might know a thing or two about finding yourself more alone in your head than you're used to. And not being sure about who you are, when you're not who you remember being.

[this dumb boy has no idea ryou already knows so he's confessing this like it's a real weird secret.]
knifemonopoly: (say way oh way oh eh oh)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-18 02:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[...wait, shit. Wait. What. He knows?

The other Yugi hears that, and, uh, he sinks back down in his chair, because even though Ryou is from his future, he's called him Yugi all this time, and at first, that was fine and made sense because of course he was Yugi, and now it led him to guess that Ryou didn't know there were two of them.
]

You know...? That there were -- [two of us, only that's not the truth anymore, is it?] -- that I was -- you knew I existed?

[w h o a.]
knifemonopoly: (i've got fire in my soul)

cw some real weird body dysphoria

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-22 02:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[His mind's a little blown, that someone else knew there was another heart inside of Yugi, someone from his future who he doesn't remember. Noa suspected, but that was because Noa datamined his memories. He wasn't...told. Or shown.

He feels a little exposed, a little more seen than he thought he was before, and to someone very used to controlling what's known about him, it's a little frightening! But also...

...comforting? That he's known. That Bakura knew he was there, and they were still friends. Bakura is someone he chose to be friends with, and that means...there's trust.

What he's feeling is new, but bone-deep, trust. There's a queer thrill to it, like stepping out onto an invisible bridge, or reaching into a box you can't see into.
]

If you knew about me, then we must have been close friends after all!

...

I'm glad.

The only other person who knows I'm...not the only one who's called Yugi...is Noa. He saw us, but he doesn't understand. Not really. He doesn't know...how hard it is to be separated...to suddenly be alone in your heart, for the first time you can remember...

[Ryou had a harder relationship with his...spirit? Is that what beings like him are called? --than Yugi and the other Yugi did. But he mentioned that it was hard on him for them to be apart, even if it had often been bad when they were together...

So, if anyone's going to understand how terribly alone he feels, it's Ryou. If anyone's going to recognize the hollow loneliness that creeps into the other Yugi's voice, it's him. He realized he couldn't trade places with his other self while Jounouchi was here, in February, and that had made it a little easier, and then all of his friends had become a part of him, and even if that had been painful, it had made him feel less incomplete for a while.

But they didn't stay. And here he is, alone in a body that's not even his, that's dead. It's a little sick, isn't it, that he's puppeteering Yugi's dead body, without him? That's how he feels, when there's nothing to ground him in his own flesh. If he's not Yugi, then he's a ghost in someone else's machine.

It must be hard for Ryou, too. To go from being the one the body belonged to....to being the ghost.
]
Edited 2021-04-22 14:31 (UTC)
knifemonopoly: (they sing and dance oh ey oh)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-04-30 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
[The other Yugi nods at that first part, understanding.

He does feel like Yugi is more important than he'll ever be. When the other Yugi awoke, he knew what he was alive for, what he was here to do, and that was to protect Yugi and what he cared about.

He'd been happy, when he was able to do that.

But, now, he's not even Yugi. He's something else, and it's only the acceptance he felt during Death-T that keeps him from feeling like an interloper.

Does he want to know about himself...?

He's honestly not sure. Adam's memories are still pressing close on his mind, interfering with his sense of self...how many 'him's is he going to end up with?

So, the other Yugi asks the practical question:
]

How much do you know? About me.
knifemonopoly: (slide your feet up the street)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-05-02 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
M-my name...?

[He has a name.

He has a name, and it's not "Yugi". If the other Yugi still had a heartbeat, it'd be thrumming in his ears. As it is, he just feels dizzy. He's glad he's sitting down! The prospect of being named, named as someone not-Yugi, feels...

It feels big, and he's not certain why. Can't put his finger on it.

It must be because he's still wound up, from the confrontation with Daniel. The difference between Adam and the Yugi of darkness who punished the man who'd tortured and killed him is uncomfortable, like two puzzle pieces that don't quite fit together. His mind feels like a live wire, raw and exposed. Does he want to know more? Does he want to know now? If he doesn't hear about it now, will he miss his chance to learn it if Ryou, god forbid, disappears?

....while he doesn't want Ryou to go anywhere, the other Yugi, very guiltily, wouldn't mind not having to know more about what makes him distinct from Yugi Mutou. He doesn't want to be distinct. He liked being Yugi.

But as long as Ryou's here, the other Yugi can't turn his back on the truth. He can't pretend he never found this out. So, he chooses his next question carefully, to assuage at least one of the worries the conversation with Noa had left him with. He raises his eyes to Ryou's.
]

...if I am not Yugi, then what am I?
knifemonopoly: (they sing and dance oh ey oh)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-05-02 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Then I'm some kind of ghost...?

[That's what it sounds like. The ghost of a pharaoh, who sealed darkness away...

...someone who definitively isn't Yugi Mutou.

God, thinking that feels so lonely. But Ryou's description doesn't feel off: seeing the best, and the worst, and punishing evil...the only part he's not sure about is forming bonds with others. Hah. That's Yugi's specialty -- he makes such good friends, because he's always ready to trust someone new, always eager to play, always prepared to step in for someone who needs help...

The other Yugi picks the de-powered Puzzle up by its cord and looks at it. If there's any vehicle for how the pharaoh's ghost came to possess the Japanese teenager, it's got to be this.
]

I must have been in here a really long time, to have forgotten everything.

[It's easier to be a little bit sassy about it than to sink into loneliness.]
knifemonopoly: (I keep him forever)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-05-04 03:45 pm (UTC)(link)
It's certainly not a trivial fact!

[He is upset about it. He's got it together, he's not, like, losing his temper or his composure, but...

But it feels like a part of himself is lost. Something's been taken away, something he wasn't ready to let go of. He can't look away from the truth, shutting his eyes to it is foolish, but...!

He doesn't want to be the Nameless Pharaoh. He wants to be a part of Yugi, a strong part that can protect him and his friends from anything bad. He wants to be there for them, no matter what! He doesn't feel complete like this; he feels adrift.

Thank god Ryslig is a shadow game, and he has something to focus on, a goal. If he didn't, and he were just here, with an empty heart and no hope...he doesn't know what he'd do. But finding his way to the end, discovering the win condition...that's his anchor.
]

Do you think it'd be okay if I went by "Yugi" a little longer?

I'm not ready to let go of that, yet. Even if I have a different name...I want to keep being "another Yugi," for now.
knifemonopoly: (don't remember what you're asking for)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-05-05 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
[Funny throwback joke?

Totally works.


The other Yugi brightens, lets out a real chuckle. The serious mood fades back, and the loneliness eases up; after all, he's got a friend right here in front of him, doesn't he?]

No -- one successful board game haunting was quite enough for me. But something else could be fun!

[Although, since Ryou's willing to make throwback jokes...]

While we're on the subject of names, though -- are you and I familiar enough for me to call you Ryou? I won't if it'd bother you, of course! But it feels like that's what I'm used to.
knifemonopoly: (then you pull it back)

[personal profile] knifemonopoly 2021-05-06 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[He smiles. Okay! Okay, good.]

All right, then.

Well, Ryou, I'm afraid I don't have much more here than a deck of cards and some dice, but if you'd like to play something ordinary, and not-haunted...

[He's down if you're down. He's learned all of Ryslig's native card games, thanks to the other-world. They both know them!]