softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

[Ryou will probably care about the tree thing some other time, but he really doesn't pay it much mind right now. At the very least, to any of Noa's strange pets, Ryou isn't likely to seem threatening.

Just...boring. He moves on suggestion and just takes a seat when prompted, focusing on Noa with a small frown on his face.]

I know. I don't want to worry them, but I'm aware I'm doing it anyway.

[His clawed fingers grasp at his knees, perhaps harder than he means to.]

Is this what you wanted to talk about, Noa? Because if so, I don't think I'm going to be able to help you.

Frankly, helping is talking to me about this. The most I have is that you held onto someone's pain until they died, and then apparently said 'it felt empty'.

Care to clarify?

[He's going to have to apologize to people isn't he? Ryou at current simply files that away, and gets on with his life. His life at current being "tell Noa".]

You've pretty much got the idea, actually. I took Yugi's pain into death. I wasn't aware that there would be repercussions, but the immediate feeling was comparable to falling into a dark pit, I suppose. There was fright at first, but then it just faded to nothing.

Have you perhaps considered that in hindsight the very statement of 'I'll take your pain' in itself should tell you there are repercussions?

[Ugh. He rubs his head.] Well, whatever...so you can't tell me more than that I'm assuming?

[For perhaps the first time since they'd spoken about his problems at all, Ryou says something perhaps a little too blunt.]

I'm not a fool Noa.

[It doesn't sound offensive. Just plainly spoken.]

This is a power that came with my monstrous identity, and of all the powers that I have, it is the only one that could do some good. I take into consideration that there are consequences with it, because I feel the pain that I take from them.

...I just didn't let go of a friend's hand fast enough because I didn't realize I had to.

[Ryou closes his eyes after that, as if he didn't want to look at Noa afterwards. He probably shouldn't have laid it out that way.]

But no. I can't tell you more than you already know and assume. I apologize.

For someone who isn't a fool, you certainly took the leap anyway, [he counters, his grin almost sneering.] Rule one in making selfless leaps- be sure it won't drown you first.

As far as I'm concerned, that's exactly what happened here- you can't protest 'I didn't know'- the fact remains that you should have made the choice to cut yourself short before death happened.

[He's upset. Not surprising. But that aside.] So. You feel empty.

I suspect actually eating isn't changing this, since I would imagine actually keeping up with proper meals is easier in this state.

I suppose you've got a point. At best, every experience is a learning opportunity. The lesson here is don't do that.

[He can't be mad. It's literally impossible, so he just concedes the point because it's the path of least resistance and resistance is hard.]

Also no, eating did not fix it. When Yugi woke up, we tried that since both of us were hungry, and it made no difference.

Hmm.

Shame 'pain theft' doesn't work for anything else. Honestly I'm wondering why it's only pain, most of our abilities lend more toward being threatening.

[This is still not great...] I'm worried this might take a full 'reset' of sorts though...

Yes, I'm not sure why I have this ability either. But I will continue to make use of it, because it's the only good thing I have.

[He'll probably be more responsible next time too, but you know. Always got to screw up once, right?

And speaking of his screw-up...]

Full reset? What do you mean?

[Surely he can't mean...dying, right?]

[At that, Noa bristles.]

I'm not answering that now. Instead, let's focus on why you think that's the only good thing you're able to do as a Shade, Ryou.

[Ryou raises an eyebrow.]

Because it is the only power that I have which does not inherently function as a weapon.

[He would have thought that pretty obvious, actually. Why is Noa looking at him that way?]

My powers otherwise have a primary basis in causing harm or inciting terror. The telekinesis may be repurposed, but it represents quick bursts of self-defense or inflicting harm. My tendrils inspire fear as extensions of my shadow form. When I phase through things, I hurt them. Even electronics. Possession strips people of their agency.

And I use my incorporeality to strip people of their souls.

Helping by taking the pain of the suffering is the least I can do.

[Oh please, he's rolling his eyes.]

Are you unaware of just how much of the human body can inherently function as a weapon? You've automatically decided all of those things are negative. First of all, phasing shouldn't be to phase through the living anyway- I can't imagine it's pleasant for you either. Electronics don't feel pain, I would know, I was one. Your tendrils only 'inspire fear' because that's how you've interpreted it. Frankly there are plenty of things that will see them and not think that at all. As for your telekinesis...

[Because obviously, he can't really address the possession as a positive.]

How so? Have you even tried using it consciously?

Don't fixate on the idea that the only 'good' thing about you is the self-sacrificial part. That path only ends poorly, [he sneers.]

Sorry.

[He doesn't sound it.]

And yes, I have consciously used it. I used it to destroy mannequins in the mall and push the Ring-Spirit back into something when I last spoke with him. Actually, truth be told, that may have been instinctual.

Everything else is just because I don't like being a shade in principle. If we take it to its root problem, rather than what I just said, then I don't want to be a shade because things like the possession do remind me of something unpleasant. Being a shadow creature also reminds me of the same unpleasant thing.

[Take a guess what the unpleasant thing is. Go ahead. Either way, this conversation is probably somewhat frustrating when Ryou doesn't react to negative reactions like eye-rolling and sneering, as it turned out.]

Is that a more acceptable answer?

Hn. That's a little more acceptable yes- the problem becomes something other than you after all. [The less self-deprecation there is, the better. Ahh, but he's brought up a neat point...]

...Have you considered a 'swap'?

A...swap?

[Ryou actually blinks in confusion. It's...something that's devoid of general emotion as par for the course, but it's something all the same.]

Ah- yes, some people ask Mana to do that. It costs a fair amount but... [Mm, he shrugs.] I've never seen the need.

No, I don't imagine you would. You seem at home in your body.

[It's not a bad thing. It's just not where Ryou's at in his Ryslig tenure at this point. Noa's been here for longer though, it's different for him, right?]

Hmhmmm~ I've admittedly had adjustments made- I couldn't originally use my thumbs, I had to go to Mana for that one.

But yes- ultimately it's something you would want to think about before commiting to it...but it's worth looking into. After all- human transformations are always some form of temporary basis, while any monster transformation is, well.

Another monster.

I might have to look into it. For now, there's nothing to worry about. I can't say that I care if I'm a shade. Yes, there are the reasons I listed for you, but those are reasons that I felt before, and not any reason I have for why I hate myself now.

[He shrugs. No emotions. No care. He's just vibing.]

I have a suspicion that you'll be feeling plenty once whatever this is wears off.

[A pause, and he narrows his eyes.] Do you hate yourself right now?

My apologies. I should clarify--I don't really hate myself right now. I don't feel any particular way or the other, what I meant was that the reasons I gave you are how I felt prior, not how I feel.

But I'm sure that once I can feel again, things will become complicated.

That's normal, right?

[Ryou no.]

Well that's good to hear at least.

[Good. 'Good'.

Erm.] ....I don't think hating oneself is 'normal' exactly, but it's not something that's so abnormal that it's something to worry about beyond what it is... The ideal is that you don't hate yourself obviously, but I wouldn't say it's a 'unique' feeling in any case.

IC Inbox | ryslig

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did someone say OLD TAGS?? no one? Too bad!

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.