softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

I'm trying not to think about it. Sometimes it helps.

[No point lying about it. His mind's been distracted by processing the change in his and Atem's dynamic, sure, but he's also trying to keep himself occupied by anything but pain at this point.

It hurts terribly...but if he lets himself sink into it, then he'll go useless for the whole day. He's been learning coping mechanisms from the amputation injuries already, so that he doesn't spend the whole day in bed, wallowing in that bone-deep, sickening agony that the medicine only takes the edge off of some days.

...Maybe he's just getting used to pain. Perhaps this is making him stronger. Or maybe he's too tired to process it right now. He's...not sure what's right.

There's a soft pop as the cap comes free, and he tips one pill onto the bed before closing the bottle again and setting it aside with his tendril. The rest of it is ritual--he places the pill on his tongue, takes the water from Atem, and swallows it back.

No matter how quick he does it, the bitterness sticks to his tongue, so he drinks the whole glass down.]

I think I'll be happy to be done with this all...I don't like the Fog, but our well-being and recovery is tied to her, so perhaps this next fog...things will be better.

[He uses his tendril to set the glass aside as well.]

But for now...having you here is enough of a comfort. All of you.

[Yes, he's referring to the snakes too. He's taken note of the fact that they like attention, and the atmosphere's been way too heavy. He wants Atem to be happy...and if the snakes are happy, maybe it means he's happy too.

And if Atem's relaxed, then...Ryou will have done something right.]

[The Fog...

"The Fog loves her children"? What a bullshit line.

Dark, rumbling thoughts push into Atem's brain, making some of his snakes hood and hiss. He's taken his feelings about this specific incident and wrapped them up in all his anger and hate and put the unbalanced scale, the red ledger, away on a high-up shelf. He'll pull them out again when he needs them, since right now, they won't serve him or Ryou. What Atem needs is to be a comfort, to keep Ryou from sinking into his own memories, the way it's so terribly easy to do.

Sometimes, things slip through. Here and there, a snake will twitch, flaring its hood, making an angry little sss sss. The furious radio-static is turned down, not gone. Until this is settled, until Atem does something, it'll feel like his bones are disjointed, like he's heard a riff of music with the last note left off and can't get it out of his head, like pins and needles in his mind.

But he's trying. When Atem realizes Ryou's talking about his snakes, some of the more present ones look at one another, then back at Ryou.]

I'm here.

[Not chasing a much-stronger-than-him upperclassman on his own territory, disappearing into the night to lure them into a dangerous game. He's staying.]

We can talk, if you want...or I can help you back down, and you can try to get some sleep, until help arrives.

I want to talk. It takes a little while for the medicine to work, so...

[That's not untrue, of course. Ryou wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't have distractions. He'd just hurt, because it take a good half hour at least for the pain to ebb.

His eyes flick to the span of coils on his bed and there's a quiet, errant thought that springs into his mind.

Just stay in bed with me.

It's weird, him having that thought for himself, rather than somehow mixed within an urge to take care of Atem. He's spent this month trying to get Atem to rest, and if it was in his bed, wrapped around him, then all the better. It was like having someone hug you. It was like having a weighted blanket of scales close to you.

...So maybe it was a little self-serving. But admitting it is the key here. Maybe that's what he needs to do to make this less awkward.]

S-stay. I like it when you're near me.

[Okay! That's a start.]

I like it when you feel comfortable enough to sleep around me.

[O-Okay! He's doing great. Come on now, bring it home. Tell him. Tell him]

...B-because...I...I know you like me but I don't think I've said my thoughts on the matter out loud, so...so I, um. I do like you. People...some of our friends could tell. That's my fault...for not being careful enough.

[Ohhh he's not sure about this anymore. The heat rising to his cheeks, to the very tips of his ears, it's a little dizzying. Admitting this is dizzying.]

...I was afraid, that's all. Afraid...to hold you back. No time's ever right here, like you said. It's never a good time to talk about r...r...romantic feelings.

[He stops there, he has to, just forcing out the word "romantic" was hard enough. Ryou Bakura is a very repressed, outwardly focused person. To talk about something he likes, that he wants, when it's so deeply personal, is very difficult. Monster World? All day long. The occult? You bet.

Feelings for someone? Never. Ever. Not until today. Hell, throughout this entire tirade, he'd been unable to look directly at Atem for more than a few moments, a stolen, greedy glance or two at the beginning, to search out a reaction, and then he'd just turned to look down into his lap and he'd stared at his hand, at the ugly burn on his leg, anything to avoid looking into Atem's eyes because then he'd look dumb and Atem would reconsider his feelings on Ryou Bakura and decide this was way too much baggage to take on, he's got his own problems to worry about.]

[He was worried he'd hold me back? How would he--!

How would something like this ever impede him?]

You're right. It never is a good time. There's always something...the day I made up my mind to tell you, Steve's body turned up.

[He looks off into the distance, staring a (metaphorical, his powers aren't on) hole through Ryou's wall.]

I was afraid, too. I was afraid I wouldn't be very good, at being someone's boyfriend...there are a lot of things I know how to do, but taking care of someone else's heart isn't one of them! I was worried I'd hurt you by accident, because I don't know the rules and conventions of dating...

...but, I did that anyway, didn't I? By not saying anything, and letting you think it was just you who felt that way...I still hurt you. I'm sorry.

[He's apologizing. He's apologizing?! He's APOLOGIZING

Ryou shakes his head. No, no no! He can't apologize for this!]

Ah, no! It's okay, it was my fault! If I'd been clearer, then we could have gotten this out of the way sooner--I mean. N-not get it out of the way, that makes it sound so terrible, what I mean is that we could have...spoken about it. Before one of us said or did something painful!

[He pauses there, trying to untangle his thoughts and realizing that could almost sound accusatory!

It was true, Atem had hurt his feelings back in the casino when Five and Celeste had been needling them, trying to force them to admit something neither of them were ready for. But Ryou didn't blame him, he didn't leave because he was upset at Atem! He left because being exposed there, in front of people? It set a white-hot unreasonably nervous embarrassment coiling in his stomach, and he'd had to leave or else he might actually throw up before admitting his feelings.

So, you know. Thanks Five, thanks Celeste.

His nerves were edging that high right now too. He wants to apologize and sympathize about Steve, but there's the other part of that sentence he can't ignore.]

W...wait. You were going to tell me? Hah...haha...you were...going to tell me that you liked me? Before...the dollhouse. You had...already planned it.

[Just give him a minute. Despite what he'd already said, there's something really, really distracting about the fact that before the dollhouse even happened, before it became a desperation move to try and ground Ryou...Atem was going to tell him that he liked him.

Ryou is the equivalent of a buffering online video at this point.

On the plus side, it's definitely distracting him from the burns. So. Good job, Atem.]

[Ah, Ryou...no, it wasn't your fault...they're going to have to talk more later about what things are Ryou's fault and which things aren't, says this enormous hypocrite control-freak with unrealistic standards for himself, who is picking his battles at the moment.]

Not...planned, exactly. I didn't know how, but I had decided I was going to tell you.

[He was going to get the prosthetic sorted out first, and get Ryou to a nice relaxing graveyard, and make sure the guy got some sleep, and...

...and then, going to the graveyard had become about Steve. Atem hadn't had it in him, then, not so soon, not while he was still waiting on the autopsy results.

He looks over at Ryou, now! The snakes are looking, also! Their expressions suggest uncertainty, a bit of guilt. Their little eyes are asking Ryou to forgive them.]

I think I'm right, that I won't make a very good boyfriend. I won't know what I'm doing. I'll try not to, but the truth is, I'm going to make mistakes...ones that might hurt again. Can you...

...is it still all right with you? Going on a date? Being more than friends?

[Does Ryou still want to date him, even though the only memories Atem has of anything like this are of a relationship with Riley Soelberg that had failed even though Adam hadn't done anything wrong, and Atem still doesn't understand why it was so awkward? What if this turns awkward the second they agree it's dating, and Atem won't be able to figure it out this time, either? It's going to be trickier than friendship!

But Atem wants it really badly. More than he's wanted anything -- anything not related to terrible sadistic punishments, at least. The dream in the trees showed him what it could be, and he finally understood, and...ever since then he's been fucked, really.]

[This is a lot. Feelings are very difficult, and Ryou would almost prefer to just talk about games, about anything else. But this topic isn't...terrible. They have to talk about it, and anyway Ryou had initiated the conversation.

He can't run from it. So...he shifts a little, despite how it hurts, and now he's turned to face Atem a little better. Now he can reach out and take Atem's hand in his, and it's fine that it hurts, because that's on brand. He's been hurting just hiding his feelings, why not have showing them hurt too? Ha ha.]

Don't say that, please. You don't know yet...whether you'll be a bad boyfriend. I don't need you to be a very good boyfriend anyway. That would imply that I...have unfair standards. H-heh heh! [Ow.] I don't want a perfect person.

I want you. I will go on a date with you. We can be more than friends because pretending that's not what I want isn't an option anymore.

Neither of us...know what we're doing. I know that may be difficult for someone as confident as you. So just think of it this way.

[He draws in a deep breath, he can't believe he's saying this, but...it's right. They're both like this, it's not just Atem who brings it all down to being a game. Ryou likes--no he loves games. So this isn't so bad.]

...You're a level one. The only way to get better is to gain experience, right? I'll be your experience.

[As he says that, he can't help but smile awkwardly. But there's a fondness in his eyes as he finally looks at Atem. That's as good of an affirmation as any right? They should date. They can totally date...]

[This shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't hurt Ryou. Oh, Atem wants to play a game. If Amanda hadn't thrown her reverse bear trap into the vortex he'd coat it in salt and wire it to his jaw after shoving the key into the victim's own stomach, here's what happens if you lose--

It shouldn't hurt Ryou. So, Atem rearranges their hands, so that his is on the back of Ryou's, holding it by the undamaged skin, fingers curling around it where they safely can.

He doesn't want Ryou to just be someone Atem gets experience on. He's not sure that's how Ryou meant that last bit, but he wants, needs, to make sure it isn't that.]

No -- that makes it sound like you're a NPC enemy, who's gone at the end of the fight!

[So. In the dweebiest nerd move ever, Atem suggests an alternative way to look at it, as his other hand comes around to hold Ryou's too, carefully avoiding the burns.]

We're on the same side. We're in the same party! We'll level up together.

[Was there anything else Atem wanted to disclose, going into this? If there is, he can't remember...

He really wishes he already knew how to do this, so he could come in, sweep Ryou off his foot, treat him how he deserved to be, be able to trust himself to know what to say...but he doesn't. So, since he can't, he'll have to set expectations for dating an amnesiac murder ghost and spirit of vengeance, and accept that mistakes will happen, and hope that Annie's right about how as long as you're honest, you can talk through them, and it'll be all right.

Snake faces reach for Ryou. Are they good? Is this all right? 🐍 boyfriend? 🐍]

[Oh. Ohh that's...way way better than what Ryou had said. For someone who doesn't know what the right move or the right words are, Atem's definitely got it in one. Ryou can't help himself, he chuckles breathlessly, turns his head away for a moment and it's probably very cute how shy he is which is not what he wants to look like but them's the breaks.

He can't help it. They're joining a party together, huh? They're going to share experience. He has to process that.

Ryou nods, then turns back towards Atem. The snakes are there, looking at him expectantly and it's also very funny to him, because it's not just the snakes, it's Atem, asking without asking if this was how it worked.

He leans in close, presses their foreheads together. They've done this part before, many times. Just being close, right? Being friends?

No. Not being friends. Not anymore. Ryou leans in, catches Atem's lips in a quick, chaste little kiss. It's over in seconds, then he pulls away, smiling, blushing, embarrassed, but in a good way! He's...content. It doesn't matter if everything hurts, because right now, this doesn't.]

I'm okay with that.

[Atem's got to take a moment for his brain to reboot when Ryou looks away and laughs, because sometimes, Ryou looks so pretty it makes Atem feel like he's been hit in the head. He's gone stupid. He can't think about anything else, not even creative murder plans, and it's a good thing Ryou doesn't ask Atem a question right now because anything besides "stare like an idiot" is beyond him.

The intermittent hissing quiets. He's kissed, and his eyes close, and his heart pounds, and the last of his snakes relax their hoods.]

Okay.

[--he says, like a dumbass, instead of someone who can form sentences that consist of more than one word.

He's been kissed, once, so that's okay...

Atem lets go of Ryou's hand with one of his and brings it up to Ryou's jaw instead. He leans in for a second kiss, not that much less chaste, but slower, and meant to be longer. He sort of wants to see...will kissing Ryou make him feel the same way he had in the tree dream? His hand slides around to the back of Ryou's neck, like it had before...

But...

...but a few seconds in, half a dozen little tongues flick against Ryou's face, over his cheeks and forehead, a dead giveaway for curiosity. One of them even pokes its little snoot into an ear, exploratory. Thp thp, Ryou.]

["Okay"

That's probably the least amount of words he's ever heard leave Atem's mouth for any reason. And now Ryou can't help but think that Atem, of all people, is being cute about it. It reminds him that they're both the same--for all the posturing, the self-assuredness, even the whole Nameless Pharaoh thing...they are the same.

They're both teens who scarcely have any idea what they're doing and who very clearly haven't been in any sort of relationship before. That's more comforting than he expected.

When Atem moves in for a second kiss, Ryou is happy to sink into it. He might actually just enjoy the little things...if more little things weren't all on his face now. It's like a dozen little feathers all over his face which would be fine until one of the snakes pokes into his ear.

Ryou snorts unattractively and pulls away when he feels the sensation of a tiny snake tongue intruding where it doesn't belong. His ear flicks up and down, kind of like a cat's, except slower.]

Snghk! [He pulls back a few inches.] H-hey!

[This is going great.]

[Atem's also pulling back, making a bit of a face. His snakes' sensory perception is funny. Atem can kind of feel what they feel, though he can't see what they see, and what they taste kind of just blends in with what he smells through his mouth....

...so there's a distinct smell of earwax, which is, not good, to have in your mouth.]

Mmmh!

Sorry --

[Oh no look at Ryou's ear go, that's cute. All the snakes are watching the ear wiggle, like a bunch of kittens all looking at the same waving feather.]

I can't -- I can't stop them. Not without putting them under a hat, or something...

Edited 2021-08-22 21:01 (UTC)

[Ryou's ear continues to twitch intermittently, because he can't very well stick his finger in it. First of all, that's rude. Second of all his fingers wouldn't like it.

And now...now he's pouting very obviously because he loves these snakes that make up Atem's hair, they look cool and they're adorable.

BUT...]

I'm sure they didn't mean to do that. Right?

[He's looking at you, little boys. They might reflect Atem's emotions, but they have their own behaviors, he's pretty sure they might have a smidgen of understanding to them.]

Maybe they just need a distraction, hm?

[He brings his hand up, pressing the back of it against the snakes as if to corral them backwards. It's a gentle, sweeping motion, like he's just smoothing Atem's hair back. Which...he is? It's just that the hair's alive and bratty.]

W...want to try again?

[He really wants to try again. He's also pretty sure judging by the look on his face that Atem got a taste of his ear, so he feels bad about that. Bad snakes. BAD.

But also please kiss him. Don't ruin this for him little guys.]

[The snakes are smoothed back, and they push their little heads and little coils against and around Ryou's fingers and wrist, cool to the touch. The distraction is apparently successful; holding Ryou's hand is entirely acceptable, even if they do still want to watch the ear. Atem kind of wants to say I think they were curious, but there's something soothing about the way this feels, having Ryou's hand in his hair. Some of the tension around Atem's eyes eases; the angle of his shoulders relaxes a few degrees, and without meaning to, his head tilts up, just slightly, into it. That's nice. Why's that nice?

So, he doesn't talk about whether his snakes meant to french-kiss the inside of Ryou's ear or not. I've wanted to try again since June also very nearly comes out, but doesn't, because Ryou doesn't know about that. Does he? Was that Ryou's dream he was in, or was Ryou in the other one, with Adam and the Ring-Spirit? Atem's not sure of that anymore. So, instead, he just says--]

Yes.

[A third thing that hits him, as he gets his hand back behind Ryou's neck and leans in, is that this is already very different from how things had been with Riley. Being Riley's boyfriend had seemed like a great idea, until it actually happened. He's being asked want to try again? after something didn't go right, instead of I think the doctor will be here soon, or other awkward and uncomfortable sabotage of chances to be alone together. It's still a little awkward! But Atem's reading interest and hope, instead of anxious uncertainty and guilt...

...and then they're kissing, and he stops really thinking about anything anymore.]

[Oh, okay. That's cute, that's...hmm.

Ryou notices the way Atem relaxes and files that away for later. Maybe he doesn't have too much longer to get his mileage out of those snakes, but you can bet he's going to try playing with Atem's snair later. They like it, he likes it...it's a win all around.

Ryou wants to say good, because he's definitely going to go in on this, but there's nothing that needs to be said. So he allows the distance to be closed, meets Atem halfway in fact, and they try again. And this time...Ryou really does find himself lost in it. His eyes close slowly and he lets out a contented hum from the back of his throat, his fingers idly playing with the snakes. He doesn't mind if they explore. Here, there's nothing to worry about.

The sting of pain is pushed away, repressed as best as he can to make room for something more important.

Finally...]

[...yes. Yes, this is exactly the feeling he'd had in the dream world. Only this time, there's snakes curling around Ryou's hand, and this time, Atem's not completely blindsided by the way this feels. It's not a moment of suddenly coming to understand why his friends back home were crazy for this, when he really hadn't gotten it before. This time, it's getting something back, something he'd been missing since it happened, something that left an absence behind that Atem hadn't felt before and had been doing his level best not to try to fill. He'd held Ryou's fog form in his coils to help Ryou. He'd slept in Ryou's room more often than the nest in the living room for almost a month now to team up against mutual nightmares. He'd held onto Ryou in a taxi in his travel form so he wouldn't end up on the floor.

None of it was this. It didn't drive out loneliness like a struck match drives out the dark; it didn't make a vise around his heart that's been there so long he doesn't notice it anymore loosen and ease. Of course it didn't; the only thing like kissing Ryou is kissing Ryou. No other piece fits.

But this, this is it, he thinks with a sigh, sliding his fingers further into Ryou's hair and opening his mouth against the kiss. This is the same, it's what he realized he wanted back then, right down to -- the way Ryou hums, a little --

--huh.

Hang on. That's one of the sounds he's been replaying in his head for nearly two months, now. Is it that the trees somehow knew what Ryou'd sound like? Or...

Atem breaks the kiss and backs up a few inches, looking at Ryou quizzically. The snakes don't loosen their grip, but their tongues flick, tasting the air.]

Ryou...when the trees got you, in June...did you dream about playing Monster World with the Ring-Spirit and Adam?

[While they're kissing...the world and its problems seem so small and insignificant. Ryou's problems are so far away, so long as he and Atem are close, sharing warmth. As long...as he's kissing Atem, nothing else has to matter.

And actually...for all the similarities this had to the dream, knowing that it was real, with all of its awkward turns and the struggle leading up to this--even the whole accidental snake tongue in his ear--it made it all the better.

Unfortunately...Atem's pulling away now, and Ryou feels a cold prickle run up his spine. Had he...had he done something wrong after all? Was Atem changing his mind already? Maybe Ryou's just to terrible a kisser...]

...What?

[It takes him a minute, to shift gears. He's still a little flushed, more focused on...well...what they'd just been doing. Why is he asking this now?]

Um. Well, no. I dreamed a few different things, but I never saw the spirit. A-actually though, I...dreamed about visiting Otogi's cafe...seeing Yugi...s-spending time with you...

[Ohhh, it'd be impossible not to notice the darkening of his cheeks. Absolutely impossible.]

I, uh. There were several situations regarding you but...none of them were you as Adam. It was you. We had crepes together in the park at one point, and then you visited me while I was expanding my Monster World board for a campaign. Everyone was supposed to come over for it, but you got there first.

...Why?

[Is this going somewhere?]

....

I don't remember the others, but...you tried to talk me out of playing a Diabolist, didn't you?

No -- you succeeded. With a dice roll. And then--

[Color's rising in Atem's face, too.]

Then...we...

[Oh god oh god oh god oh god--]

That was you.

You weren't a dream. You were real.

[Ryou's not sure how he's feeling about this, at all. All he knows is that he's lightheaded and he doesn't know if it's the meds or if it's the entire situation.]

I kissed you. That was real. It was in the dream but...it was you...? B-but you freed me from the tree, how could that have possibly been you?!

You didn't have to be in one of the trees to end up in the dream world! I thought you did, so I wasn't careful...I got a faceful of the drug they were using while I was fighting one. Luckily, Steve was around, to finish off the tree and get me to safety...I slept it off in the back of his van. But while I was out, I was able to visit a lot of people's dreams...I saw Celeste, and Yugi...Noa...Riley...the Ring-Spirit...and you.

But you were also in the Ring-Spirit's dream...I thought that had to be the one where you actually were. I thought the other one was...

[...he doesn't finish.]

...Did you think it was your dream?

[It's a simple question, with a simple answer. One that Ryou finds himself wanting to hear. Was it just him? Did his dream spill over into Atem's experience, or did they...share a similar want?

Was Ryou really that blind? That ridiculously stupid?]

[Hey those snakes sure are holding onto Ryou's hand. Atem can't tell how hard he's blushing because he's cold-blooded, so his face isn't hot. Maybe it's not that bad?

(It's that bad.)

He's looking away.]

It showed me something I wanted, that I hadn't known I'd wanted before. Of course I thought it was mine! It was hard to imagine I could feel that way in a dream that was meant for someone else.

[If it hadn't been for the trees...how long would it have been before Atem was able to identify that this was what he wanted? Would he have gone on, supporting Ryou as he got over the crush and started seeing someone else? Would he have ended up sleeping in Ryou's room anyway, but without knowing his own feelings?

He hates the trees for how hard they were for Ryou to recover from, but...he might owe Larry one, here.]

[Atem might be looking away, but since the snakes are still wrapped around Ryou's fingers, it's not like he can escape his own embarrassment completely. Thankfully, Ryou's not likely to take advantage.

...Instead, he softly dislodges his fingers from the general tangle, then combs his fingers through them again. Kind of...like petting the snakes. Or more appropriately, stroking Atem's hair fondly.]

Maybe that's a little bit my fault. While I was in the tree, my happy dream was...dating you. When you came over, I...naturally assumed that you were part of the dream, which was why I was so familiar with you.

[He uses the underside of his thumb to scratch the chin of one of the lighter colored snakes.]

I felt happy there, being near you and sharing my hobbies with you. I was content spending the whole day forgetting about the campaign...and just k-kissing you.

[Now it's his turn to be embarrassed. He disentangles himself from the snakes, pulling his hand back and holding it to his chest awkwardly. The movement reminds him that he should be resting because it stings, but...at least the pain isn't so bad. The medicine is, blessedly, starting to help.

...Maybe it's affecting how earnest he's being? Ryou doesn't think so. If Atem was big enough to bring the dream up and admit that it was, in fact, something he wanted, even if he hadn't known it...then Ryou could be honest too.]

[Atem's eyes drift back over to Ryou as he talks. It's so calming feeling the snakes be touched. If anyone else stuck their hand in there, Atem would probably recoil; if they were all grabbed, it would hurt badly, and there's something oddly personal about it, about how much sensory input it sends him...but since it's Ryou, Atem doesn't mind.

The one that gets its chin scritched gives Ryou a truly dopey, hopeless look. All the others look doe-eyed, too. They're not jealous, they are all one, but they really, really like him.

Atem's own eyes lose a little focus again. He's listening, though -- and, when Ryou stops flirting with the hairsnakes, he comes back to himself more. Right. All day...that doesn't add up, though. The snakes huddle thoughtfully.]

The whole day...that doesn't quite match with what I remember. I...I told you I had to leave. I wanted to see my other friends, and make sure they were all right. But if I didn't go then, I wouldn't have been able to tear myself away at all!

...

[A beat. The snakes turn back to Ryou, and even though Atem's voice is dry, their little faces are full of snincerity.]

I really thought I'd stop thinking about it.

[But he hasn't! For two months! He remembers it clearly enough to recognize how Ryou kisses! His snakes un-huddle; they're giving pining looks again. Hey, remember what the end of June was like? Where they were trapped in an apartment together for three-quarters of the day, but the easy rapport they had at the beginning of June wasn't there anymore, and Atem was going stir-crazy and had to get out of the house sometimes? And the beginning of July, when Atem thought Ryou was trying to disappear into a dream world and leave him behind, and right after they cleared that up, Atem found something to do he thought Ryou would have fun with? The crush just got worse!

🐍 Ryouuuuu 🐍 don't be sad 🐍 don't leave! 🐍 ]

Edited 2021-08-23 13:18 (UTC)

Maybe...the dream shifted. Maybe the you I was on the floor with was a dream. It felt...it felt very real though. But that was the point, wasn't it? Ha...

[He feels bad saying that. He feels bad that...for any reason at all, he might compare Atem to the dream.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner. Instead I made you feel like you were secondary to a dream. I looked for options to sort out how I felt that wouldn't interfere with everything that you needed to do to try and...win the game.

But you have to know...the worst nightmare I could ever have night to night, one of the ones that woke me up terrified, was...the one where I'd try to be close to you, and you'd reject me so thoroughly that I'd need to leave. I would wake up afraid I wasn't in this apartment anymore, Atem. I wanted you to want me. But since that wasn't possible, the dreams...they didn't get better...

[He'd wake up thinking that his attraction had ruined even their friendship. Many more times he would dream of harming his friends, but anything where he harmed Atem always had him bolting upright, because it was so deeply harrowing to think that the past few months were undone by his stupid little crush.

He looks at the snakes, anything to keep his visual focus just slightly off of Atem's face, because admitting what he had was both hard, and something else he'd need to apologize for. Even his real dreams were unfortunate for Atem. But now that he'd let it out, it brings into attention how long he's dealt with it. He was just so lucky that his glowing eyes didn't really make it easy to see how sunken they'd become, but the tired circles were always there. They'd been there for a long time.

It was no surprise he'd fallen into the rift.]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

IC Inbox | ryslig

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sometimes u need 1 specific icon

I have over 150 icons and sometimes never have the right one lol

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cw more violent fantasies!

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i read that as "snensory" oops

do you cw for comphet

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