Ryou Bakura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
softspokenlandlord) wrote2020-11-18 01:10 am
softspokenlandlord) wrote2020-11-18 01:10 am
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ryslig
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 *** WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard> I will get back to you as soon as possible. | ||||
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[Celeste wouldn't hurt him, she had no reason to. Ryou doesn't think he'd ever given her one, and their conversations had been mostly alright, with the exception of her outing him during Atem's haircut.
He keeps almost eerily still as Atem examines his lesser burns, and for one long, idiotic moment that's probably couched in exhaustion, he considers not mentioning his leg. This concern...it's enough. Ryou's happy to be cared for. Ryou would be perfectly happy not having to worry about how far up his leg one of the other burns is, and the help he'll need dealing with that one.
But it is moronic to avoid mentioning them. They hurt.
...So of course he does it obliquely. Minimizing it.]
Nnh, those are...not too bad. I used my arm to put out the flames on my leg twice. J-just to smother it, so this kind of damage makes sense. It was unavoidable.
I'm just glad to be out. I...missed you.
[That's right. Focus on Atem. Don't show your pain, Ryou, for once in your fucking life don't--
He squirms a little under the sheets, taking a sharp breath. He's bad at this. He's terrible at poker-facing through hurt!]
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They got your leg, too?! Why didn't you say so?
[He missed Ryou, too, but being glad to be out isn't going to treat injuries! He might need to call in someone from the clinic...Lust, or Giorno, or one of the braver staff...
(He could ask Doppio, the part of his brain that's tracking the monsters and their talents and relationships in Ryslig like pieces on a chessboard suggests. Doppio worked at the clinic, it'd be a reason to speak with him, to see what name Doppio calls him by--)
Gently, but in a tone that expects no argument:]
Let me see.
cw; description of burn injury
[Maybe Atem wouldn't expect such a candid answer. Or maybe he would. Either way, Ryou's lips form a thin line as he uses his telekinesis to push the sheets back. He hasn't looked at his leg or ankle either, and...oh.
Oh, that's not pleasant.
His exposed ankle has skin that's much more of a dark gray. That burn looks angrier than the ones on his arm and palm, and he's lucky that there's not cloth sticking to it...like his thigh.
Ryou's clothing from the dollhouse did not translate over, but the damage did, and his pants were included. Thanks, Storyteller, he liked these pants. Now there's a charred hole in them, and they're sticking to what's clearly the nastiest injury--a blistered, raw patch about four inches in diameter that had stained the edges of what remained with blood.
He glances away, because that's...that's a bit too much for him to look at. Now he knows why it hurts so much.]
The house...the one controlling us didn't even stop him until he did this. It cut me loose from my strings, like that was enough.
[He sounds bitter. Angry. He should be, right? He didn't go looking for trouble with the demon. The demon struck him while he was suspended, doing nothing.]
cw trauma flashbacks, incl. forced drugging
His snakes, which until now have been moving in Ryou's direction like they're underwater and a current is pushing them towards him despite their anchored bases, stop flicking their tongues. They retreat a few inches at the initial answer, but once the blankets are lifted off, and the smell of burnt flesh hits, they go still. Their eyes take on that glazed look everyone at the Steve's-been-killed meeting saw, staring straight ahead, floating around Atem like stunned fish.
Information's hitting Atem's mind in no particular order. The smell of burning person. The burning began while Ryou was strung up -- unfair. Burns on feet, left for days maybe, in a doll--in a warehouse where otherworld light ripples over one patch of floor. A possible moment of peace, broken carelessly, clumsy. The dollmaker let this happen, but wouldn't allow Riley out of a cage, took her voice. Fire immunity, salt weakness. Too severe to treat alone. Cut strings. No undamaged limbs left; moving will be difficult. Nose held, pressure on his jaw to force it open, and a third hand pouring something like wine but not quite down his throat. No sign of Steve in the dollhouse. Date of last feeding unknown. A body in a park, killer unknown.
Each beat of his three-chambered heart feels like it lasts a full minute. It's not actually very long before he speaks, but it feels like it to him, and even when he does, he addresses nothing except the last part.]
"He" who?
[Red eyes with thin pupils get their focus back, on Ryou's face. He feels aware of every inch of this room, seeing it in both the visible spectrum and by its heat signatures. Nothing is moving in this apartment that he isn't aware of.]
Who did this?
[He's always been aware that he's not going to be a very good boyfriend. He's already taken the wrong angle in this situation as far as feelings go, and they've hardly been awake again a full minute! However, what he can be is a spirit of darkness and vengeance. He knows he's good at that.]
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His heart aches for Atem, and he wants pull him in close, hug him tight and tell him it was fine. Ryou would be fine, he'd just heal from this with the next fog and maybe he'd even get his arm back! Don't worry...don't worry...
But he can't. All Ryou can do is sit here, useless and in barely concealed agony because he can't bear this weight for long enough to stop making Atem feel like he has to do something.
When Atem asks him who did it, he shakes his head.]
I only know that he's a demon. He has to be, he looked very much like one and he conjured the flames he used on me, they didn't need to be sourced from anything.
Atem...please, l-let's...let's just put something on these, cover them up, I'll take some of my medicine and we don't have to think about it right now. It's going to be okay.
[It's his fault he got hurt. He's a shade, why didn't he just go intangible sooner? It's his fault for forcing himself to exist on the very edge of both worlds.]
cw violent fantasies of mouth/throat horror!
One is driving his heartbeat, and it's out for blood, but also it recognizes that wounds need treatment, and burns bad enough to blister and bleed shouldn't be left alone. It wants to get Ryou to confirm his attacker's identity, call in Lust or Hawkeye or Giorno or Doppio, and get the burns cleaned and dressed while Atem makes the demon pour boiling salt water down its own throat. It's the part of Atem that climbed out of the school nurse's window while Anzu was crying, the part with a drive to fix the problem over giving comfort. Treat the cause, not the symptom. Protect, then retreat. Life after the fight, the spoils of war, aren't for you.
The other part of him, the part that's grown in Ryslig, recognizes another need here, besides the one for revenge, and medical treatment. It recognizes an emotional need, sees that Ryou is distressed and ashamed, that Ryou doesn't want practicality and physical optimization, but wants to not be alone.
How does he meet all these needs at once?
Atem's chest rises and falls as his breathing comes quick, as he's torn. Some of the snakes, especially the yellow ones closest to his face, turn their little heads back towards Ryou, fixing their eyes on him again. The others are still unfocused, but they aren't still; there's an occasional little hiss, a threatening opened mouth, hoods flaring here and there.
(How does he make his enemies say his name with the kind of fear people say Amanda, Aunamee, AM with?)
Atem feels like his heart is bubbling up, ready to boil over at any second. There is so much he has to do. He doesn't doubt for a second that he's capable, but the order is what's tricky.
What does he do?]
You should...take your medicine. And...I'll call someone, to come here, and treat that.
[Breathe in. Breathe out. His thoughts are like a dozen balanced spinning plates, but -- one step at a time. One turn at a time. He doesn't have to move yet. He'll figure this out.]
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A single shadow tendril extends from behind him, snaking forward and wrapping itself around one of Atem's wrists. It's...not quite solid, but it isn't painful either. It just is.]
Hey.
[Ryou's tired gaze sharpens, focusing on Atem and nothing else, and there's determination written on his face beyond the pain.]
L-listen. I'm okay with what you just said. B-but...this whole scenario can wait. Whoever it is, it's just not as important to me to figure it out as it is to be here with you.
Please, Atem. I'm not the only one who's been hurt. You need to recover too. I know you. I knew from the second you asked who did this that you've been trying to work out how to pay it back, because that's how you've always been. If someone hurt Yugi, or Jounouchi...you were there to settle the score...
[He winces once again as the pain flares, but he ignores it. He won't stray from this. Not until he's done. Atem will hear him.]
You have a lot going on already. Don't take more on...please. Not on my account. Not this time.
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But, apparently, when there's a chance to cause horror and suffering, those rules don't matter...even when it's another monster, and not a NPC...
...in a situation like that, how does he win? When people like Steve, like Ryou, can't win, always get hurt...
Who wins, in horror? The final girl, right? She wins and gets away. The monster always loses, eventually. But isn't there always a hint that the monster is still there? And, if a player character's the monster, then is there any guatantee the story ends with its defeat?
Is that it? Is that how you win? Do you win by becoming the worst monster on the peninsula, and once you have nowhere else to go, the game ends?
If nothing else, it may help him survive, until Kaiba finds a way to break back in. It might make people think twice, about burning someone under his protection. Although, it might make Atem enemies too, and his friends might end up targets...that's something to consider.
The shadow tendril curls around his hand. It doesn't surprise him! Atem's paying too much attention to what's around him to miss it.
But it brings the radio-static in his brain down a few notches, like turning down the volume. It's enough to get him to listen to what Ryou is saying, and what he isn't.
Ryou's doing this through pain. Through pain that was allowed, because it would hurt, and horrify.
To be effective...you need to be the one inflicting pain, not the one stopping it.]
Don't worry. I'll stay! Even if I already knew who it was and where to hit them, staying with you is more important right now.
[He has just enough presence of mind not to say, I'll have other chances. Though, now that he's thinking ahout it, about the effective monsters hardly anyone challenges, even when they commit egregious offenses in front of everyone...]
One last question, and then I'll drop the subject! Was he gray, with long hair and big wings?
[Sorry, Ryou. You're just as important as Yugi and Jounouchi. This is a hazard of mattering to Atem!]
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[Fuck. That means Atem knows who it is, doesn't it? Ryou doesn't, because he had never met AM before this point. But out of reflex, the tendril around Atem's wrist tightens, just enough to be pressing but again, not enough to hurt.]
Please.
[Please what? It's not like Ryou could stop Atem going after that hulking demon, even though it makes Ryou extremely nervous. His ears lower, betraying his apprehension. But he's at a loss, so he simply clings to Atem with that one tendril, as if it could keep him from making a vengeful decision on Ryou's behalf.]
...I don't want you to be hurt. Ever again.
[His gaze is hard to follow when he doesn't turn his head, and Ryou doesn't have to in order to give a quick, determined glance at the large pouch on one of his shelves, just behind Atem. Soon. Soon he'll make sure no one ever has to bear pain like this again. He's made his test trade, for Atem's regalia. Now he knows Mana can give him what he wants.
Much like Atem...Ryou has the presence of mind not to say something more damning however. He wants to apologize for the pain he's causing Atem now...but he's fairly certain that it would only frustrate the other further. So he holds it in.]
...I'll have to work harder, and become stronger, if I intend to stop you from suffering. But, um. N-now I suppose it's not worth pretending that I wouldn't. Because I would do it for you, more than anyone else here.
[Because...and yes he's bringing it up despite everything...he really likes you, Atem.]
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[That confirms it. Atem absolutely knows him. It's another strike...but at least it's somebody already on his radar, for what was done to Javert, for what's done to all the prisoners unfortunate enough to fall into La Forteresse.
Atem slithers forward, leaning over the bed. He reaches out one clawed hand, and he strokes Ryou's hair out of his face, gently. The snakes still give intermittent hisses, but more of them are looking at Ryou now. With regret:]
If only you could. But that's not how this place works!
Still...
...there's nothing I'd do for Yugi or Jounouchi that I wouldn't do for you.
[The hand brushing Ryou's hair away settles on his good shoulder.]
Your problems are my problems, Ryou.
So, I'll ask: what do you want, from me, to settle this?
[No. The shoulder's not good enough. Not anymore, not after what he told Ryou in the dollhouse. Atem's hand comes up from the shoulder to cup the underside of Ryou's jaw. The snakes around his face lean in, too, not close enough to touch Ryou with their tongues, but seeking him out. The ones facing away are still defensive, protective, ready to bite.]
Say the word, and I'll drown him in saltwater. I'll trap him somewhere he can't escape without doing himself terrible harm! I'll ask Mana for the power to petrify unwilling monsters, and leave him in the town square, and tell everyone he's hurt that now's their chance to get their own revenge...
[I'll need to start building a reputation.
The other monsters will need to know what Atem's capable of. Even if Ryou asks for nothing, in this particular case...he'll need to keep how he's perceived in mind, and not waste any more opportunities.]
no subject
Ryou wasn't sure what would have happened to him if the demon could move properly, and that scares him.
Atem moving closer breaks him from his anxious line of thought. Ryou's head tracks, but moving otherwise isn't something he wants to do right now. The pain is...almost forgotten when Atem brushes some strands of his hair away though, and Ryou can't help the bit of color that rises to his cheeks. That's...a very bold move, isn't it? He remembers what Atem had told him, penalty or no penalty. Those four days felt like an eternity, but it wasn't long enough for him to forget. Not by a long shot.]
Oh. I, ah. I...
[Atem's questions are hard to answer, when he's so close to Ryou, cupping his face, it's soothing and good and...he permits himself to tilt his head into the touch.]
I...know you'd do any of that...in this situation, b-but...I don't know if I can tell you what I want. When I come up with punishments, they're controlled by the roll of a dice, for a game that isn't supposed to hurt anyone. I can't...I can't tell you what to do.
[The tendril around Atem's wrist loosens, then coils more comfortably around his arm. Although he knows it'll hurt a bit, Ryou also reaches up with his hand, for once appreciating how long his arm is in that he can reach Atem's face. His movements are clumsy, nervous. He doesn't cup Atem's face fondly, he just brushes a thumb against his cheek and hopes that the odd texture of his injuries isn't off-putting.
Because that's what anyone's worried about.]And I know I can't stop you either. But...I don't want you to seek a fight. I won't make you promise not to. That's not fair, and it goes against who you are. I just worry. I worry very much that you'll be hurt badly, because luck always runs out here.
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Hearing that...it's not a relief, not exactly, but it's a reassurance. Ryou knows him. Atem likes being known well by Ryou...it's easy for Atem to be himself around him. He likes being known and accepted for who he is. More snakes calm and turn their heads to face Ryou. And, besides that...is he hearing right?]
So...my well-being matters more to you than avenging what was done to you?
[That's...sweet? That's sweet. He shuts his eyes, letting himself feel the warm brush of the thumb against his face as well as the unusual warmth of being cared for as a person, more than for what he represents, or what he can do. Maybe....he didn't fuck this up entirely to hell a minute ago? He smiles.]
Didn't I promise I'd be careful? That I wouldn't let myself get hurt so badly you'd feel you had to take my pain?
I know AM's dangerous! That's why I haven't done much yet. I need to learn more about him, so that when I do make a move, I'm prepared. He's one of those experienced monsters, the ones you get warned away from when you arrive. But I won't feel too bad about killing him...if we can take him at his word, he was a sadistic supercomputer created to torture mankind before coming here. So, any memories he loses of that will probably be an improvement.
[That last bit's half to himself, but when it's over, Atem comes back to the present. Fingers stroke the hair around Ryou's face again.]
But I promised I'd drop it, so I will! You've got medicine you need to take, and I need to call the clinic.
[About half his snakes are still restless, now. It's a marked improvement.]
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[It doesn't sound offended, just...curious. Did Ryou ever make Atem feel otherwise? Was...was he a bad person? Surely Atem knew that Ryou would never want him to be injured while seeking vengeance for him. It's nice to have someone want to avenge you and all that, on paper anyway. But the risks, the morality--
You know what. He's answered his own question. No. He's not a bad person. Atem knows he felt that way from the beginning, he's sure.]
You did promise...and I trust you more than myself to keep a promise at this point. H-heh.
[Atem seems to be erring on the side of discretion, if his words are to be believed. Ryou's not convinced, but he doesn't need to be right now. His job is to enjoy this moment for what little there is to enjoy. He's close to Atem...who had admitted his feelings...and he wants to talk about that so bad.
But...Atem's right.]
Mm. We can talk about that whole supercomputer thing later...because that's fairly horrifying but still...interesting.
[He suddenly curls his fingers around Atem's neck, as if he intended to pull him down...closer...but he loses his nerve, because he's a spineless coward, and immediately pulls his hand away. His cheeks flush darker, and he glances elsewhere awkwardly.]
A-anyway...yes, um. If I might trouble you for a glass of water...
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??
???
What's this?
...
...ah, nothing, it seems. Hm. Probably for the best, since the sooner that painkiller starts working on Ryou and the sooner someone from the clinic is on their way to dress Ryou's injuries, the better. He pulls away, but not in any kind of upset way!]
I'll be right back.
[He'll go to get it, and while he's out, Ryou might hear snatches of a quick phone conversation about the situation, Ryou's location, and the extent of the injuries. It's really only about a minute or two before Atem slithers back with the water. Is Ryou sitting up? If not, Atem will just, like, immediately lend him a hand. Won't even ask. Just, a hand under the arm and around the waist and you're getting sat up, buddy.]
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Sometime between when Atem leaves and the phone call he makes, Ryou just lets out an aggravated groan at himself. What the hell had he planned to do if he pulled Atem down. Kiss him? As if he had any right. As if they'd even talked about anything at all regarding the matter.
...Ryou isn't even sure how he'll approach that. He's not certain how Atem will approach it either. Why even talk about it? Is it even real? Wow!
For now, he decides that getting into a sitting position is probably a good idea.
And by the time Atem shows back up with the water, he's about halfway there, trying to use the unburned part of his arm to lift himself up and flagging a bit because even though it's not on the burn, it's stretching the skin. So...Atem's help is appreciated, and once he's finally settled properly, he sighs in relief.
Then immediately begins to overanalyze the close contact. Haha...Atem's arm had just gone RIGHT around his waist, hadn't it? Eugh no. He needs to keep it together, because if this is how he feels pre-medication, then actually being medicated might just lead to some...interesting conversation.]
Ah, thanks...that was quick.
[He glances at his night table, squinting at the small bottle of meds as if he's angry at it. Actually...he's trying to levitate it, not because he has to, but because he wants to see if he can.
...After about ten seconds, he sighs and gives up, extending a tendril once more to wrap around the bottle. At least this one specific power isn't giving him grief, right? All for the better, since he can twist the cap off on his own.]
Sorry, just give me a second, I should have done this before you even came back, so I'd have a free hand.
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[He settles a loop of snake coil beside Ryou, like he's sitting down on the edge of the bed. He'll hold onto that water until Ryou's ready to take it.]
...really well, actually, for someone who's just been through something so difficult.
[He doesn't give compliments just because! Every time Atem tells someone something good about themselves, he means it. And he feels like now's not the time to keep anything good he has to say about Ryou to himself. All things considered, Ryou is keeping himself together exceptionally well.
(he shouldn't have to. where is the person behind the dollhouse? there's so many ways to go with a game and a penalty when someone's trespassed so severely, so many times...)]
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[No point lying about it. His mind's been distracted by processing the change in his and Atem's dynamic, sure, but he's also trying to keep himself occupied by anything but pain at this point.
It hurts terribly...but if he lets himself sink into it, then he'll go useless for the whole day. He's been learning coping mechanisms from the amputation injuries already, so that he doesn't spend the whole day in bed, wallowing in that bone-deep, sickening agony that the medicine only takes the edge off of some days.
...Maybe he's just getting used to pain. Perhaps this is making him stronger. Or maybe he's too tired to process it right now. He's...not sure what's right.
There's a soft pop as the cap comes free, and he tips one pill onto the bed before closing the bottle again and setting it aside with his tendril. The rest of it is ritual--he places the pill on his tongue, takes the water from Atem, and swallows it back.
No matter how quick he does it, the bitterness sticks to his tongue, so he drinks the whole glass down.]
I think I'll be happy to be done with this all...I don't like the Fog, but our well-being and recovery is tied to her, so perhaps this next fog...things will be better.
[He uses his tendril to set the glass aside as well.]
But for now...having you here is enough of a comfort. All of you.
[Yes, he's referring to the snakes too. He's taken note of the fact that they like attention, and the atmosphere's been way too heavy. He wants Atem to be happy...and if the snakes are happy, maybe it means he's happy too.
And if Atem's relaxed, then...Ryou will have done something right.]
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"The Fog loves her children"? What a bullshit line.
Dark, rumbling thoughts push into Atem's brain, making some of his snakes hood and hiss. He's taken his feelings about this specific incident and wrapped them up in all his anger and hate and put the unbalanced scale, the red ledger, away on a high-up shelf. He'll pull them out again when he needs them, since right now, they won't serve him or Ryou. What Atem needs is to be a comfort, to keep Ryou from sinking into his own memories, the way it's so terribly easy to do.
Sometimes, things slip through. Here and there, a snake will twitch, flaring its hood, making an angry little sss sss. The furious radio-static is turned down, not gone. Until this is settled, until Atem does something, it'll feel like his bones are disjointed, like he's heard a riff of music with the last note left off and can't get it out of his head, like pins and needles in his mind.
But he's trying. When Atem realizes Ryou's talking about his snakes, some of the more present ones look at one another, then back at Ryou.]
I'm here.
[Not chasing a much-stronger-than-him upperclassman on his own territory, disappearing into the night to lure them into a dangerous game. He's staying.]
We can talk, if you want...or I can help you back down, and you can try to get some sleep, until help arrives.
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[That's not untrue, of course. Ryou wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't have distractions. He'd just hurt, because it take a good half hour at least for the pain to ebb.
His eyes flick to the span of coils on his bed and there's a quiet, errant thought that springs into his mind.
Just stay in bed with me.
It's weird, him having that thought for himself, rather than somehow mixed within an urge to take care of Atem. He's spent this month trying to get Atem to rest, and if it was in his bed, wrapped around him, then all the better. It was like having someone hug you. It was like having a weighted blanket of scales close to you.
...So maybe it was a little self-serving. But admitting it is the key here. Maybe that's what he needs to do to make this less awkward.]
S-stay. I like it when you're near me.
[Okay! That's a start.]
I like it when you feel comfortable enough to sleep around me.
[O-Okay! He's doing great. Come on now, bring it home. Tell him. Tell him]
...B-because...I...I know you like me but I don't think I've said my thoughts on the matter out loud, so...so I, um. I do like you. People...some of our friends could tell. That's my fault...for not being careful enough.
[Ohhh he's not sure about this anymore. The heat rising to his cheeks, to the very tips of his ears, it's a little dizzying. Admitting this is dizzying.]
...I was afraid, that's all. Afraid...to hold you back. No time's ever right here, like you said. It's never a good time to talk about r...r...romantic feelings.
[He stops there, he has to, just forcing out the word "romantic" was hard enough. Ryou Bakura is a very repressed, outwardly focused person. To talk about something he likes, that he wants, when it's so deeply personal, is very difficult. Monster World? All day long. The occult? You bet.
Feelings for someone? Never. Ever. Not until today. Hell, throughout this entire tirade, he'd been unable to look directly at Atem for more than a few moments, a stolen, greedy glance or two at the beginning, to search out a reaction, and then he'd just turned to look down into his lap and he'd stared at his hand, at the ugly burn on his leg, anything to avoid looking into Atem's eyes because then he'd look dumb and Atem would reconsider his feelings on Ryou Bakura and decide this was way too much baggage to take on, he's got his own problems to worry about.]
sometimes u need 1 specific icon
How would something like this ever impede him?]
You're right. It never is a good time. There's always something...the day I made up my mind to tell you, Steve's body turned up.
[He looks off into the distance, staring a (metaphorical, his powers aren't on) hole through Ryou's wall.]
I was afraid, too. I was afraid I wouldn't be very good, at being someone's boyfriend...there are a lot of things I know how to do, but taking care of someone else's heart isn't one of them! I was worried I'd hurt you by accident, because I don't know the rules and conventions of dating...
...but, I did that anyway, didn't I? By not saying anything, and letting you think it was just you who felt that way...I still hurt you. I'm sorry.
I have over 150 icons and sometimes never have the right one lol
Ryou shakes his head. No, no no! He can't apologize for this!]
Ah, no! It's okay, it was my fault! If I'd been clearer, then we could have gotten this out of the way sooner--I mean. N-not get it out of the way, that makes it sound so terrible, what I mean is that we could have...spoken about it. Before one of us said or did something painful!
[He pauses there, trying to untangle his thoughts and realizing that could almost sound accusatory!
It was true, Atem had hurt his feelings back in the casino when Five and Celeste had been needling them, trying to force them to admit something neither of them were ready for. But Ryou didn't blame him, he didn't leave because he was upset at Atem! He left because being exposed there, in front of people? It set a white-hot unreasonably nervous embarrassment coiling in his stomach, and he'd had to leave or else he might actually throw up before admitting his feelings.
So, you know. Thanks Five, thanks Celeste.
His nerves were edging that high right now too. He wants to apologize and sympathize about Steve, but there's the other part of that sentence he can't ignore.]
W...wait. You were going to tell me? Hah...haha...you were...going to tell me that you liked me? Before...the dollhouse. You had...already planned it.
[Just give him a minute. Despite what he'd already said, there's something really, really distracting about the fact that before the dollhouse even happened, before it became a desperation move to try and ground Ryou...Atem was going to tell him that he liked him.
Ryou is the equivalent of a buffering online video at this point.
On the plus side, it's definitely distracting him from the burns. So. Good job, Atem.]
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Not...planned, exactly. I didn't know how, but I had decided I was going to tell you.
[He was going to get the prosthetic sorted out first, and get Ryou to a nice relaxing graveyard, and make sure the guy got some sleep, and...
...and then, going to the graveyard had become about Steve. Atem hadn't had it in him, then, not so soon, not while he was still waiting on the autopsy results.
He looks over at Ryou, now! The snakes are looking, also! Their expressions suggest uncertainty, a bit of guilt. Their little eyes are asking Ryou to forgive them.]
I think I'm right, that I won't make a very good boyfriend. I won't know what I'm doing. I'll try not to, but the truth is, I'm going to make mistakes...ones that might hurt again. Can you...
...is it still all right with you? Going on a date? Being more than friends?
[Does Ryou still want to date him, even though the only memories Atem has of anything like this are of a relationship with Riley Soelberg that had failed even though Adam hadn't done anything wrong, and Atem still doesn't understand why it was so awkward? What if this turns awkward the second they agree it's dating, and Atem won't be able to figure it out this time, either? It's going to be trickier than friendship!
But Atem wants it really badly. More than he's wanted anything -- anything not related to terrible sadistic punishments, at least. The dream in the trees showed him what it could be, and he finally understood, and...ever since then he's been fucked, really.]
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He can't run from it. So...he shifts a little, despite how it hurts, and now he's turned to face Atem a little better. Now he can reach out and take Atem's hand in his, and it's fine that it hurts, because that's on brand. He's been hurting just hiding his feelings, why not have showing them hurt too? Ha ha.]
Don't say that, please. You don't know yet...whether you'll be a bad boyfriend. I don't need you to be a very good boyfriend anyway. That would imply that I...have unfair standards. H-heh heh! [Ow.] I don't want a perfect person.
I want you. I will go on a date with you. We can be more than friends because pretending that's not what I want isn't an option anymore.
Neither of us...know what we're doing. I know that may be difficult for someone as confident as you. So just think of it this way.
[He draws in a deep breath, he can't believe he's saying this, but...it's right. They're both like this, it's not just Atem who brings it all down to being a game. Ryou likes--no he loves games. So this isn't so bad.]
...You're a level one. The only way to get better is to gain experience, right? I'll be your experience.
[As he says that, he can't help but smile awkwardly. But there's a fondness in his eyes as he finally looks at Atem. That's as good of an affirmation as any right? They should date. They can totally date...]
cw more violent fantasies!
It shouldn't hurt Ryou. So, Atem rearranges their hands, so that his is on the back of Ryou's, holding it by the undamaged skin, fingers curling around it where they safely can.
He doesn't want Ryou to just be someone Atem gets experience on. He's not sure that's how Ryou meant that last bit, but he wants, needs, to make sure it isn't that.]
No -- that makes it sound like you're a NPC enemy, who's gone at the end of the fight!
[So. In the dweebiest nerd move ever, Atem suggests an alternative way to look at it, as his other hand comes around to hold Ryou's too, carefully avoiding the burns.]
We're on the same side. We're in the same party! We'll level up together.
[Was there anything else Atem wanted to disclose, going into this? If there is, he can't remember...
He really wishes he already knew how to do this, so he could come in, sweep Ryou off his foot, treat him how he deserved to be, be able to trust himself to know what to say...but he doesn't. So, since he can't, he'll have to set expectations for dating an amnesiac murder ghost and spirit of vengeance, and accept that mistakes will happen, and hope that Annie's right about how as long as you're honest, you can talk through them, and it'll be all right.
Snake faces reach for Ryou. Are they good? Is this all right? 🐍 boyfriend? 🐍]
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He can't help it. They're joining a party together, huh? They're going to share experience. He has to process that.
Ryou nods, then turns back towards Atem. The snakes are there, looking at him expectantly and it's also very funny to him, because it's not just the snakes, it's Atem, asking without asking if this was how it worked.
He leans in close, presses their foreheads together. They've done this part before, many times. Just being close, right? Being friends?
No. Not being friends. Not anymore. Ryou leans in, catches Atem's lips in a quick, chaste little kiss. It's over in seconds, then he pulls away, smiling, blushing, embarrassed, but in a good way! He's...content. It doesn't matter if everything hurts, because right now, this doesn't.]
I'm okay with that.
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i read that as "snensory" oops
do you cw for comphet
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1/2 what have you done
2/2
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