softspokenlandlord | IC Inbox

[Ryou tugs a bottle out of the case, twisting the cap off rather forcefully when Atem asks him that question. Come on, be calm. There's so many worse things that could have been done to him, Atem wasn't the one who bit his head off, and he was only doing what he thought would help. Ryou can't be angry at him. He can't.

But he feels dizzy, irritable, and his skin hurts? Somehow? Everything about this situation is out of his control right now, so with a tone that's far too curt, he responds.]

No, I did not.

[And then he starts to drink. His body language is very, very tense, like a string that's being tugged from both ends, stretched to its limit. He's trying, but that question was like a lit match teasing at the bottom of that string, fraying it ever so much.]

[Hm.

He knows precisely how on-edge Ryou is. Atem knows this isn't the best time to talk to him. He knows that he's the only convenient target for Ryou to be mad at about having his head bitten off, and having to regrow it, and the healing process being crueler for him than it has for the other monsters Atem's encountered.

But, also, Ryou doesn't have to suffer like this. Not when there's another way to get fluids in him that doesn't involve slowly processing them through his stomach. He didn't even check?]

They could help.

[Ryou drinks the entire bottle, even though he hates it. Even though he doesn't like drinking this much water in one sitting, he does it, and then he sets the bottle down, again with more force than necessary.]

Atem.

[It's not said kindly. He wants to be patient but his nerves are thoroughly frayed.]

I'm doing my best. I'm very sorry that I didn't think to go to the clinic. I came up with this idea in thirty minutes.

[His fingers clench tightly around the bottle, and there's an irritated flicker as his shadow aura begins to emerge, wispy and forbidding. He is very pissy.]

I'm certain that you can relate to plans made half-cocked that involve poor health choices.

[VERY PISSY.]

[And there's the backhanded, passively cutting way of expressing himself. Not to mention the flickering shadow aura.

Atem wonders, a little bit: will Ryou try to take his soul, if he pushes too hard? Will Ryou lose his temper, then feel terrible about it later? If Ryou felt bad about nearly eating the Ring-Spirit...what would an attack in these circumstances do?

(Because what matters is how Ryou feels, not the number of lives Atem's got left. He's got at least one, it's fine.)

He swallows how he's feeling.]

I know you are. I know this is difficult.

[Atem can't make Ryou do what he thinks is best. Ryou's got to decide how to handle this on his own -- whether drinking the whole case of water on his own is better than leaving home to get outside help.

Just like how Atem decided sneaking a contraband-corpse into the 38-8 was better than letting Ryou revive in Fog-Dyster. It may have been the right choice, it may not have. There may have been no right choices at all, just like there aren't with Yugi, next door, hungrier every day. There's just decisions, and consequences.

(He should be better. What is he, if he can't help his people?)

He remembers lessons, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes at the end of a switch, in rooms lit by torches and pale pre-dawn light. Listen, don't speak.]

What can I do?

Edited 2021-10-06 02:16 (UTC)

[He knows it's difficult, isn't that just...fantastic? Ryou lets go of the bottle, but rather than let his hand fall to his side, he raises it to pinch the bridge of his nose, then pull it down his face in what is very clearly exasperation.

He's been living with Atem long enough that just because he doesn't have pupils, doesn't mean he feels like Atem can't note the subtle shift of the glow. Then again, maybe he can't tell that Ryou's staring at him directly, hard enough to pierce through steel if that was something a shade could do.]

I...I think you've done enough, actually.

[It's said coldly, but then Ryou has to backtrack, to clarify a few things so that he doesn't come off as a complete ass. Just a pretty big one.]

Look. I appreciate that you took care of my body. I understand you were working within the constraints of all of this [He gestures to himself] decomposing. And I do know you were trying to make it so that I woke up comfortably which...under normal circumstances I may have, if I wasn't missing my fucking head.

[It slips out, and Ryou considers apologizing, but there's a heat rising in him, something that's trying to claw its way out through his mouth, because it hasn't had a chance to burrow itself out of his head, his eyes, but by god it feels like it, doesn't it? His head hurts, his eyes sting, and he feels so, so terrible.

Terrible enough to ask something that's not very nice to say to someone who you just said that you were appreciative to.]

Maybe I'll consider going to the clinic once I don't feel so uncoordinated that I might fall over into someone else and inconvenience them.

But before I do, you'll have to tell me why you thought it was a great idea to functionally pull all of the liquid out of my body. I'm very curious, Atem.

[He bites back I don't have to tell you anything. Not until you've calmed down. Is that condescension? Implying Ryou can't handle it?

Taking care of the people he loves, and hurting them...he's having trouble doing one without the other, these days. Like Yugi. Is it because he's a bad player? That he's no good at this game?

(He can't put down his sword, not yet. He needs it. But it keeps cutting people he cares about, when he tries to hold them.)

Atem stands up.]

I didn't know it wouldn't heal.

It did with Steve.

Every other time I've seen someone lose vital parts of themself, they wake up after it's grown back, not before. I can't explain why you were different.

[Well...that's not entirely true. He can explain it. It fits with what he's observed before -- that "will it cause as much pain as possible" outweighs all other conventions, all other rules. That's why Atem has to do what he's been doing. Because all playing fair gets you in Ryslig is more scars on your body and heart. The only sure things in Ryslig are fear and pain, and it was stupid not to realize that before.]

That's why.

Edited 2021-10-06 03:56 (UTC)

[It's probably for the best that Atem didn't verbalize that, because Ryou can't handle the answers as they are now, and he wouldn't have dealt with that even a little bit better.

His ears lower and his eyes narrow, because that's...not a terrible answer, but he still hurts, and the answer is still not sufficient to placate him right now. He doesn't want to fight! He doesn't want to argue, he doesn't, he doesn't--]

W-well, maybe...maybe you shouldn't have done it! If you'd just...l-let me stay wherever I was, or something ate me, if no one had ever f-found me, then it would have been better! Wasn't the rest of it enough?! I had to grow this back!

[He buries both hands in his hair, gripping his head. Nails scrape against his scalp, but they don't pierce because he doesn't want to hurt himself, and he doesn't want to give Atem an excuse to be inconvenienced by him bleeding. But Ryou can't help the way he grips at his hair, tugging at it hard enough to hurt, just like the rest of him.]

This hurt. This was enough!! I couldn't think, I c-couldn't...it was...nngh!

[He glares back up at Atem, up because they're able to look each other in the eye a little better, and maybe Atem's a little taller than him right now and he hates it!]

Doing that...made it worse because I'm...i-in this body, water is hard to deal with, and...a-and you shouldn't have done it! Every solution doesn't have to be radical!!

[The apartment's been lonely for a week and a half. Atem's not been alone in it, technically, but he's still been lonely. What he says next isn't how he wanted to act, when Ryou was back. The too-still space between his lungs hurts as he raises his voice to match Ryou's volume, his wings flaring.]

When the attempt to get the parasite out of me destroyed my body, I revived in the ocean! Off of Vandare! Would that have been better?!

[Alone. Waterlogged. Miles and miles from home. Starved, body dried out and stiff and unfamiliar, with no one around to help, knowing he was down a life and it was his own fault for not being sharp enough to spot where the danger would come from...

Or, worse, still underwater, opening your eyes to murk and dark, lungs full of city-water and filth, crawling out of a canal while your body tells you you should be drowning, until you cough it all out on the pavement of an unfamiliar street.

Pain and fear, inescapable, unstoppable, like the words that come out like runoff out of his lungs.]

Do you want to talk about what to do with our bodies if we die, Ryou? Because I'll respect your wishes, but you have to tell me first!

You didn't, so I picked what I thought would hurt least based on what I knew, and I got it wrong!

[There it is. He admits it; even through the vampire arrogance, the kind that makes you sure your decisions are right, he's admitting it.]

I'm sorry that my guess was wrong!

[A moment. Then, quieter, with a little more clarity, more of a sense of self:]

And that it hurt you.

I never meant to.

[Ryou was going to have to figure out sooner or later that Atem isn't perfect. That, in a game like this, a perfect score every time is beyond his capabilities. Atem wants to be better than he is. Thing is, his honest best isn't good enough, not for the people who are relying on him -- Ryou, and Yugi. But this is the reality of the situation, and if Ryou's put him on a pedestal, then all Atem can hope for is that the fall isn't far enough that he breaks.

And that his dishonest best will work better.]

I...I...

[Ryou shakes his head, which in turn makes him dizzy. Stupid, stupid idiot! He leans on the kitchen counter, and he's still glaring but it's not as intense or angry. Atem's responding with the same volume, and he has no right to! It wasn't like Atem had to come back from this and deal with such a shitty feeling body.]

I don't want to talk about what we should do with our bodies, I don't want to think about that! I DIDN'T W-WANT TO DIE!! I was so frightened, don't you get it? When the thing bit my head off, I f-f...felt it. I couldn't breathe, and then I c-couldn't feel anything but the weight of something crushing me up and it was warm and disgusting and stunk of death.

[He knows he's going off topic now, drifting pathetically in the sea of his own despair. So he tries desperately to bring it back, to pull this conversation to the point and not lose himself in the fear that still felt so terribly close.]

And then! I revived, and I had to feel my own skull without muscles, my own neck without skin! I had to...f-feel things but not know what they were, and I was terrified because I didn't know where I was anyway! Being here didn't even help, because I couldn't see or hear, and I got dried out for nothing...!!

[He doubles up over the counter, hands over his head because there's something coming in through his anger, something that makes his heart feel like it's being crushed, his insides twisting themselves in knots.

This is your first death Ryou Bakura.

Ask Atem how many times he's died. ASK HIM HOW MANY TIMES HE'S HAD TO DO THIS.]

I'm s...I'm sorry...I know you've died...many times. You're right, reviving in the ocean would have killed me twofold. This was the only way but I've n-never died, and coming back like that was horrid! Now...I feel terrible...and I have to fix it...and you're telling me that I'm doing it wrong.

Edited 2021-10-06 05:41 (UTC)

[Atem has to just let his ears ring, through Ryou's description of what happened. He can't sink into it, can't let himself imagine what happened, or he'll be lost himself in how much it hurts to hear what it was like for Ryou to die.

It feels to Ryou like he's being criticized. And it feels to Atem like he's being asked for help with something that he can't do anything about, that he can't change. He and Ryou really do deal with this kind of thing differently, don't they? Atem's come back from his deaths with very little complaint. He offered a description up to a room full of monsters once, but aside from one instance in which he saw a way to make it useful, Atem moves on from them as fast as possible. He skims lightly over the surface so that what's happening to Ryou doesn't happen to him, so that he doesn't sink into how terrible it had been, into awful memories he can't change, and can focus on the next task, on solutions.

Ryou...doesnt want that, doesn't want nudges in the direction of what Atem thinks will help. It sounds to Ryou like he's being told his decisions are wrong (no, just not the most efficient).

Is he telling Ryou that Ryou is recovering wrong?

There's frustration, deep down in Atem's heart, that's not exactly fair, but that's tied to how he's got so much of his own that he feels he can't burden Ryou with, because Ryou has his own problems, problems that feel like they haven't so much as slowed down since June. Atem wants to tell Ryou about some of his own cares, about his worries about Yugi, but if Ryou isn't avoiding him, or not sleeping, or falling into vortices and losing limbs, or ending up burned, he's dying. Atem doesn't blame Ryou for any of those incidents, of course. None of them are his fault; they're the game catching him, a game Ryou never deserved to be forced into.

But it feels like he's spending all of time mending Ryou's bat-shattered playing piece with one hand and gluing his own up with the other. The beginning of September was okay, but being around Ryou had been the brightest source of happiness for a vampire fighting personal wars on ten different fronts, with at least half a dozen things that counted as top priorities (escape for yugi. protection for riley. revenge for steve. locating nagito. support for ryou. becoming a monster among monsters, for all of them.) Just about the only time he found himself relaxing anymore was when he and Ryou were together, so Atem didn't want to talk about anything sad.

Yugi's situation compounds it; there's so much Yugi doesn't understand, so much Atem can't tell him because it's too dark, too sad, there's no point, they're leaving anyway -- and with Yugi hungry, he's got his own problems without Atem adding to them.

Atem's Monster World piece isn't being smashed with a bat. It's being crushed in a pedestal-trap. And he can't tell the two people who matter most in the world how bad it is.

He needs Ryou, wants support from him; Ryou's not the only one Atem talks to, but Ryou's positioned to understand in a way not many others are. Ryou's his favorite. He wants Ryou to be doing better. He wants Ryou to put together I can help myself by seeing a doctor about dehydration so that maybe Atem can talk to him about how scared he is that he doesn't see a way to get Yugi past the feeding hurdle without breaking his heart, about how he's failing at what matters most to him and doesn't know how to get it right.

So, he might be telling Ryou he's doing it wrong, in a way. Atem's being unfair, and god but it stings to have to be the one who's recognizing that he's being unfair as his head is being bitten off for -- one mistake? One? In how long? After bringing in a friend to heal the worst of it, after doing all he could to keep Ryou calm, while listening to Ryou scream his way through a situation Atem hadn't magically predicted and forestalled? But he can't say that, not now, because it's Ryou's problems that they have to deal with, Ryou who's suffering. Because what Atem could do for him wasn't good enough.

(Metaphorically bitten off. Not a good metaphor to use right now.)

Atem shuts his eyes. For someone who doesn't want to be a burden, he thinks, unkindly, Ryou doesn't really get how to avoid situations where the people around him have to carry him.

No, that kind of thinking isn't helpful. He's got to be better.

Slowly, measured:]

I'm trying to help you come back. From a situation that I made worse for you.

[Up pop his choices.

> Try to help again and get your head bitten off some more (metaphorically)
> Leave him alone, so he gets stuck in his own thoughts and the situation gets worse

What a set of options. But he's not ready to throw in the towel yet. When somebody's hurting, they aren't their best selves...it'd be pretty pathetic if he couldn't take this.]

I do get it. I know how frightening it is. How much it hurts. If what you want is to deal with that alone, then that's fine. But I had to deal with it alone the first time, and the second, and the third. If I had the choice, I wouldn't choose that.

It doesn't have to be me. But you should be with someone, right now. I want to be here for you, but only in a way you want. If you'll let me.

Edited (polishes the bad mental health on sleeve so its shiny bad mental health now) 2021-10-06 16:40 (UTC)

I don't want to deal with it alone.

[There it is. There's Ryou being selfish, self-centered, not wanting to let Atem out of this just because they were both fighting, rubbing each other raw going in opposite directions. Ryou's reaction was more explosive, pushed to the absolute limit...but as a result of how he's reaction, he doesn't know how Atem's feeling.

And right now...he's too distracted to realize how deep it goes. All he can see is the shallow surface of what his words had done, and how very, very carefully Atem is handling him. Atem has given him an out to leave, because they're...they're fighting?!

More than anything, that makes Ryou's hands fall back onto the counter, and he stares down, blinking a few times to try and clear his head. All it does is occlude his vision though, because for how dried up he is, he's still got tears to shed, evidently. He's...a bad person, isn't he? He's terrible.

Atem had tried to fix him. Atem had tried to help him. And Ryou had spat in his face. He can't fix it now. He may not be able to fix it ever, especially not with the frustration still buzzing in the back of his mind...

So he says that very selfish thing, straightens up a little, looks at the bat creature smartly handling him with kid gloves and hating that he had to be treated that way. But Ryou can't resolve that right now. He doesn't have time to unpack all of it. Also if he keeps complicating this situation he's going to throw up two bottles of water on the counter. Both because he's already been nauseated since before he got here, and because...the thought that him and Atem were arguing for...probably the first time since they'd gotten close? That's sickening. He doesn't want that for them!

Atem's being too understanding. It's aggravating because Ryou's not sure whether it's affection, or a calculated move. Maybe it was both...but with Atem, sometimes he couldn't tell what was pushing his actions more, and that sometimes bothered him because he wanted to think that it was affection!

He can't be sure though. It's like a worm in the back of his mind, chewing, biting, hurting...]

If you think I should go to the clinic, then I will. That's the smart move, right? I'll...I'll do it soon.

["The smart move." Why does he sound so despondent saying that?

He wants to say something else but...he's not really sure what else to say. He just offloaded his entire situation onto Atem in a way that was hurtful. He doesn't deserve to be rewarded for bad behavior. Admitting he didn't want to be alone was enough...asking for comfort? Very much out of order. So he breaks eye contact and looks down again. Because he doesn't deserve better right now.

Way to thank someone for their efforts, Ryou. Fuck, what a nightmare...]

[...that's less biting than Atem was braced for.

Okay.

Ryou's not feeling better, exactly, but Atem will take what he can get, and cooling of outright hostility is a step.

(He needs Ryou thinking clearly for whatever the Tågevalgten scraps were warning them would happen in October. It's going to be big -- of course Halloween month in a horror game will be showy -- and that's one more thing to worry about, one more thing to plan for. Atem doesn't know if he's going to get that, but he'll try.)

His wings fold up, tuck back down on his shoulders, pressed close to his back. He steps forward, clawed toes extending on the floor as too-big feet carry him closer.]

It doesn't have to be right now.

[Forward he goes, slowly closing the distance, crossing into the kitchen.]

You just got home. It's all right to rest a while.

[Atem doesn't reach out yet, just...stops just within reach. Which is still a bit of distance, but not far.]

...I missed you.

[Ryou isn't sure what to say when Atem approaches him and tries to play damage-control. Because it is, isn't it? Ryou had gone off on him, and been--to a degree--rightly angry that he'd woken up with these issues. Now Atem was trying to placate him, and he doesn't know what to do about that.

But in the end...Atem was just making a choice based on his limitations. It's not his fault that Ryou's revival experience didn't match up with anyone else's. It wasn't his fault anymore than it was Ryou's fault for being stuck in his child form, where his shade-self couldn't properly fix things.

...He turns, but he doesn't close the distance immediately. "You just got home. It's all right to rest a while." That's true. Ryou knows it's true, and that he wants to rest. If he rests, he won't be on a hair trigger, ready to bite someone's head off at any provocation. Though...unlike the Ring-Spirit, Atem was never in any danger of Ryou losing himself and threatening to tear his soul out. Little mercies, ha ha ha.]

I...I didn't even know to miss you. Isn't that sad? H-hahaha. If I didn't know the fogs were on a schedule, I wouldn't even know how much time had passed. But now...knowing I left you alone in this house with nothing but a silent corpse, I r-regret it. Going out. I didn't know that this would happen, and that I would leave you waiting.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

[He steps forward himself, hesitantly. He still doesn't deserve to touch Atem, to want to hug him after the exchange they'd just had. But he does move closer, until they're so close that it's maddening.

Ryou reaches out with that same hesitance to place a hand on Atem's shoulder...but he draws his hand back, to his own chest. The apology's written all over his face.]

I'm sorry I yelled. I don't want to fight...

[To Atem, it's not placation. It's admitting that, maybe, the best thing right now for Ryou isn't going off and plunking himself in a medical setting, so that he doesn't lose any time between this round and the last. That should probably happen later, so Ryou doesn't have to do so much rehydration work, but right now, it'd likely just be miserable.

And it's the truth. He missed Ryou. He missed Ryou awfully. He wants to get closer, without sparking another argument; Atem doesn't want to fight either, not now that Ryou's back.]

Me either.

[He'll put that hand on Ryou's shoulder, he's not afraid to, and as long as there's no flinch back, Atem will take that last step forward and wrap his arms around Ryou's shoulders.]

It's okay. No one's their best self when they're hurting!

[Him, too. Maybe there was a clue he'd missed, somewhere down the line, that this would go badly, but because Atem was already a few days into the decay of the corpse of someone he loved, he was blind to it.]

And nobody escapes everything that happens here.

[He pulls Ryou's whole body in if he can, so that his arms are stretched around Ryou's back, the fur of his head and neck brushing the side of Ryou's. He knows Ryou's uncomfortable, he won't hold too tight, but, he's waited over a week and a half and has only not taken more sad lion naps because there's still so much to do. He meant it, about missing Ryou; this much, at least, isn't a move calculated for Ryou.]

You're back, and that's what matters.

[...he decides not to bring up right now that he wasn't entirely alone in the apartment, that the Ring-Spirit camped here pretty much the whole time. Later.]

[There is a flinch, but it's not away. Instead, it's towards. Atem won't get any pushback when he wraps his arms around Ryou. In fact, Ryou turns the hand that had been at his chest, instead curling his fingers against Atem's. He can feel the dried, almost mummified skin beneath his claws and it reminds him that during the fog, sometimes skin like this was just Atem's reality.

He wants to ask if it hurts, like it hurt Ryou. But that's not a question for now. The only thing that matters is being close. He brings up his other arm, loosely wrapping it around Atem's waist because he's still worn out. Not going any higher, sorry.]

I could have done better. You took care of me, in your own way. Even if it wasn't painless...it was you trying. I can't keep being upset about it, that's just not fair...

[He still feels awful, but he presses his cheek against Atem's. If Atem can feel it through his furred bat-face, it's probably not quite as full and soft as it usually is. He's solid, but his skin is still dry and uncomfortable.]

I'm happy to be back here with you. Even if I was such an ungrateful jerk just now.

[He closes his eyes, swallowing hard. Nope. Not gonna cry. He's not. This has been the worst day of his life, but he is not going to cry.

...much.]

I'll make it up to you.

[What was said had hurt.

Atem had hurt Ryou first, by making a quick decision about where to keep the body that had unanticipated consequences, and by being critical when that wasn't what Ryou needed. He understands that today has been terrible. But his feelings are sore, wrung-out. He's not sure how to unpack all of them, but he knows for sure that now's not the time. Later, maybe. Once the skin Atem dried out is back to what it was. If Ryou is in a place where burdening him with it won't be too much for someone coming back from death for the first time. For now, just not being pushed away is helping; it lightens the weight on him. Atem still doesn't see the way out of the pedestal-trap, he's still in it, but he can keep going, like this.

And that's the key: to keep going. Atem can't spend too much time now wondering whether he could have predicted it after all, if there was a sign he'd missed. Reviewing the last round once you've learned all you can is wasted time; what matters isn't a perfect score, what matters is staying in the game. And Ryou's made it clear that it's not over.

He can feel Ryou's face beside his. Gently, with a very, very small motion, Atem brushes his cheekbone against Ryou's. Sorry. I missed you. I love you.]

You don't have to. And you don't have to be grateful to me, for doing something that ended up painful, and wasn't useful to you...I know it hurts. But it won't hurt forever.

[He relaxes, a few degrees; Atem's wing body-language goes from restrained and pulled-in-tight (a hands-to-himself feeling, like tucking your elbows in in a crowded hallway) to something looser. His wings' thumb-claws unhook from his wings, and they wrap around Ryou, too.]

Edited 2021-10-07 02:58 (UTC)

[Atem's words shouldn't make it worse, they should make it better. To some degree, he does derive comfort in knowing his feelings are valid. But...being validated also hurts, because it lends credence to the idea that Atem deserved to get yelled at...and Ryou doesn't like thinking that. Now that his anger is cooling off, he's aghast at the way he'd behaved.

What if Atem thought that was who Ryou was? A short-tempered, hurtful person who didn't care about the feelings of others?

He clenches his jaw, so tight that his pointed teeth grind together. It hurts. He deserves for it to hurt. This isn't how you're supposed to treat people you care about.

When the wings engulf him, he lets out a soft sound. It's not happy...it's guilty, but he manages to hold Atem closer anyway. The sound wasn't because of anything Atem did. It was because of what Ryou did.

I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I love you. I need you.]

Y-you don't have to keep me home to stop me from being scared if this happens again. That's why you did it...r-right? It's okay. You're my home. You're my heart. If you're there...th-then that's enough.

[If Atem can take the insults and threats hurled at him by the people he'd played games with in Domino, he tells himself, he can take a fit of temper.

(It's not the same. Brushing off the derisive opinion of someone who doesn't matter to you isn't the same as someone asking you why you did something that hurt them. A few thousand years ago, in Egypt, they used to say that the worst things in life were lying in bed and being unable to sleep, waiting for someone who isn't coming, and trying to please but not pleasing. Obviously, having all of the water drained from you under the sway of a Fog God who doesn't see fit to put it back is worse than all of those things, and Atem can name a few others, but, you know. It's a mood.)

Atem doesn't want to pull his feelings apart right now. He doesn't want to feel hurt. He doesn't want to feel frustrated, not now that he's got his support back. He pushes it all away as unimportant, something he can take, something he's strong enough to carry. Ryou's telling him what he does want, possibly the closest thing he'll get to explicit instructions on what to do with his body if he dies, and Atem pays attention.]

I'll remember. I promise.

[He doesn't know if it will do any good. This game doesn't want them sparing each other pain. But Atem will be damned if he doesn't try -- if he doesn't do the best he can.

(Even if it's not going to be enough.)

But at least he can avoid making the same mistake twice.

He pulls his face back, not letting go with his arms or his wings but retreating just enough that his red eyes can look into Ryou's white ones. A fuzzy, curved bat-forehead pushes gently against Ryou's.]

You should come to bed. You're tired, aren't you? Give that water a chance to work. Get some sleep. You can think about everything else when you wake up.

Edited 2021-10-07 04:15 (UTC)

[When Atem pulls back and looks him in the face, Ryou looks...pretty miserable, yeah. Guilty, worn out, and pretty tired, yes. The souls he'd eaten weren't going to be enough. He'd have to go out again, because even healing from injuries less grievous than this one had been had taken it out of him.

He'd had to hunt out of cycle once he'd grown back his arm and leg, and he'd made really bad choices then, choices he kept in his heart and away from anyone who might see the monster inside. Because there was one. The angry, vengeful creature that consumed indiscriminately and hurt the people he cared about.

No one could tell him he didn't have a monster inside of him. Not anymore. But so that he didn't hurt them...he'd keep those thoughts inside. They could only hurt him. And that was fine.]

Will you stay with me? Just until I'm asleep, then you can leave if you want to.

[He closes his eyes and exhales softly. Even though his body hurts, his heart hurts and his mind feels heavy...being here, forehead to forehead...it's comforting. He doesn't even realize he's leaned in to press a fond kiss to the bridge of Atem's bat-muzzle until a few seconds have passed.

Perhaps just a casual reminder that Atem being a bat-monster will never bother him.]

Of course I will.

[He pulls back again, this time to press the tip of his snout, just a little bit of his nose and mouth, against Ryou's cheek, near his mouth, returning the gesture. Then, Atem unhooks his wings from Ryou's shoulders, unwraps them from him, and tucks them back into their usual position. Hands back in pockets, elbows tucked in.]

Your room's back in order, but...if it's too hard, after what happened, we can sleep in mine.

[Either way. Sleeping in Atem's room is less frequent, since it's more often that he goes over to Ryou's, but it's not off-limits. Even the boxes under the bed and in the closet have been moved to a better workshop.]

[The boop is nice. It brings forth a small amount of levity to what had been a rough situation...and then Ryou has to make a choice. Where are they sleeping?]

Nnnh.

[Ryou had wanted Atem to stay with him partly because his room felt strange. It had felt foreign to him, devoid of a great deal of what made it his space, and after being healed and having his vision spring back, to see that...it had frightened him at first.

Before that, he'd been frightened too. Very much so. He remembers screaming a lot, even if he couldn't hear it. The stress on his throat reminded him that he was conveying himself somehow.

When Atem pulls back, Ryou finally comes back to himself and answers.]

If it's okay...yours. I won't make it a habit, h-haha. Unless...you want me to.

[He loops an arm around Atem's, because he wants to be close. He wants to be loved.

~~He wants to be forgiven~~

It'll be up to Atem to lead. Ryou will follow in his steps.]

Atem...do you remember things from then? When we were children, I mean.

[He, personally, was having some troubles remembering everything. Maybe it had to do with his head growing back, or maybe he was repressing some stuff. But he remembers a few things...]

[His is fine. Atem's gotten very comfortable with availing himself of Ryou's space, coming in if he wants to. He prefers a little more privacy in his own space, but inviting Ryou in is perfectly all right.

The door's been open much more lately so that Tybolt can come in during the day. Whoops.

Atem gives the arm in his a gentle squeeze, and does lead the way -- one of his wing-claws hooks a bottle of water behind Ryou's back as they pass the water case.]

Yes, I do. Actually, I've got a few memories now from when I was alive...they're fragmented, not whole like they were during the fog, but they're definitely mine.

[Ryou walks, and he almost smiles whenever Atem squeezes his arm. Almost. But what really makes his expression shift to something more positive, relieved and relaxed, is the fact that Atem does remember. There was something good that came from this. Atem's memories were precious. A rarity. Ryou wanted him to have them.]

I'm happy for you. Even if there's only a few, that's good. You were...you were a good person then too.

[He pauses.]

...You liked ducks. Right?

[He remembers. He remembers eating flavored ramen on the floor, over there, as they walk past...he remembers how amazing it had been that there wasn't any sand in it at all. He remembers talking about ducks, and he remembers the pond in the garden they had used to come to...]

Yes. I did.

They used to fly into the gardens, and...you could find them in the reeds by the river. My mother didn't like them at all! But...

[He's got to pause a second there, just inside the door to his room. Atem draws a sharp breath. He's been so busy thinking ahout other things, trying to find things to think about that aren't what he doesn't want to look at, that the emotion from this hasn't really hit him.

His voice is still the rumbly monster growl, but it's gone quiet.]

I remember the face of my mother.

[And her name. And his father. And his father's name.

Give him, uh. Just give Atem a second, here.]

[Ryou takes the pause in stride. The fight they'd had is cast aside for now, in favor of whatever it takes to remind Atem of something happy. He deserves that. Ryou's free hand reaches towards Atem's hand and he curls his fingers over the top of it.]

I'm glad that you know it now. You've won back something important, haven't you? I remember the monsters that chased us and tried to scare us...but at least we have some good memories together, and you have some forgotten memories that were in your heart, just for you.

[Those memories were a side-effect of something unexpected that had happened to them. But if Ryou hadn't been killed...would this even have been a bad experience? He wonders.

You corrupted something precious to him. You broke it. You hurt him. You made it bad. Bad. Bad. Bad--]

...D-do you know her name?

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, WhiteWizard. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 007.80.751.19 * WhiteWizard has joined 007.80.751.19 <WhiteWizard> Hello, this is Ryou Bakura! <WhiteWizard> Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything. :) <WhiteWizard>** I will get back to you as soon as possible.

IC Inbox | ryslig

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw mention of corporal punishment in a school setting & self-sacrificing behavior, heck

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw drowning imagery/memory!

cw; description of decapitation, death, gore

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject